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I would do this EXCEPT the part about throwing money in his face.
I agree..I'm not looking to fight over money with my husband. I see everything we both have as each other's. I only used our incomes as an example in terms of us having to be stuck here..as in..we have options.
We struggled a lot when we were young and I felt like no matter HOW we got to a higher income, it would be a good thing and I'm starting to feel like he doesn't see it that way.
Truth is..he is even BETTER at biz than me in many aspects..so it's not like he can't make as much or more than me if he wants to. We work together well in biz and I'd love for him to invest with me and run a biz together but just trying to respect his need for a job if he DOES in fact want to keep one.
I'm sorry, but it's far from obvious. Your posts show a great deal of resentment and animosity towards your spouse.
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But his decisions/happiness are tied to his MOM/his family..So what am I really to do?
My decisions have never been influenced by my parents..ever. I love them but have a relationship very independent of them.
It sounds like there are very serious issues you need to work out with your husband before you either fo you can rationally approach the topic of moving. Being in a marriage is a lot of hard work, and if either one resents the other it needs to be addressed directly and quickly. You aren't going to agree on everything, but you should be able to function as a fairly cohesive unit in life.
And if you can't, then the right decision might be to seperate and go your individual ways. In the long run, that is far better for you as an individual and for your family than being a bad relationship where you aren't recognized as as an equal partner in all decision making.
I really hope you can figure it out and end up happy. Life's far too short for anything else.
If my wife really wanted to move back home I'd follow her. She's great. You're probably just not worth it.
I told him that. He disagrees and says I'm the best thing that happened to him. But I've told him if what he's saying is true then we wouldn't be at this standpoint and maybe he needs someone who'd be willing to conform to his culture and mom to make him happier.
I know you do, sweetie.
Most of us do.
But most guys see it as you cutting off their balls.
It's basic psychobiology.
And he's not likely to want to let you further run the show by telling him where to live.
Hell, he still wants you on your knees scrubbing the floor instead of hiring someone.
Quack.
LOL..I am in such a sour mood but this made me laugh..Because you're right..
I love him to death and accept his flaws..even though I have ALWAYS been a huge career woman since we met and I am obviously NOT fond of the chauvinist viewpoint.
It was only recently I was closing LARGE $3,000/day deals that he admitted why he wasn't being happy for me was bc he is bothered he isn't making as much. I told him..you're better at sales/biz than me..you can..you just want a job..which I respect bc we needed the stability once kids came..but I told him the world is in the palm of his hands and we can get a franchise or SOMETHING and run it together or he can invest in his own biz/service-based something..
Guess he rather be proud..I literally don't even know what to do anymore
Guess he rather be proud..I literally don't even know what to do anymore
Men need admiration, respect, and affection.
He feels like you really don't need him bc he is not the provider.
Jump on him for sex a lot. Tell him you need him to make you feel like a woman.
Men need admiration, respect, and affection.
He feels like you really don't need him bc he is not the provider.
Jump on him for sex a lot. Tell him you need him to make you feel like a woman.
See what happens.
What upsets me is..I HAVE admired him and appreciated him and given him more affection than ever. That's the person I am, naturally.
And our sex drives are really high..with mine tripling as I hit 30..it feels like, at least..So no problem there.
Even when I hate his guts and he hates mine, we've never allowed our sex life to suffer (lol)
And I've told him we don't NEED each other and should WANT to be with each other..not NEED each other..he sees that like me saying we're not in love..sigh...
I should just pay you to be our therapist. I'm already looking for couples counseling. I told him I want it so we can improve our relationship and communicate better.
he resisted that for FIVE years until he saw I had a enough this year..and has promised he'll go..
I've always been very careful to not demasculate him and be understanding that men don't want to feel powerless but I don't feel like I even get the same respect as a woman..His dream world would be for me to stop working, clean, cook, raise the kids and stay here in NYC with a smile but he has ADMITTED he knows I'm NOT like that and that I am a challenge and that's why he GOT with me bc he didn't want a woman who had no opinion and was submissive that he could run all over..so wtf??? AHHHH
If the sex/passion/love wasn't as awesome as it was between all this crap I most definitely would have divorced by now.. We clash a lot but the love is GOOD when it's good.
He won't hear of you hiring a housekeeper? Now that worries me. It's as if he has clamped down his mind to some preconceived regiment. This whole mindset is going to take some serious discussion so you can see where you really stand.
If he knows you are miserable there and acknowledges that you would welcome his parents to move out west so he doesn't have to be without them, you may have to do a sell job on his mother in order to get anywhere.
He won't hear of you hiring a housekeeper? Now that worries me. It's as if he has clamped down his mind to some preconceived regiment. This whole mindset is going to take some serious discussion so you can see where you really stand.
If he knows you are miserable there and acknowledges that you would welcome his parents to move out west so he doesn't have to be without them, you may have to do a sell job on his mother in order to get anywhere.
That part has made me very bitter over 8 years because I don't feel I should have to consult with anyone but my husband on matters like this no matter where her stance is.
I'm hoping couples counseling can help us establish ourselves as independent from his mom and her opinion and overbearingness bc I know she's gonna cry a RIVER if we mention moving anywhere 30+ minutes away.
Every time he tries to speak up the women in his family make it into a big Spanish novela. Most ridic **** I've ever seen. IDK if it's the son/matriarch relationship but it's not like that with me and my mom.
I just refuse to fight his mom in this, too. She's like HIM multiplied by three. I told him I already deal with his **** and try to appease him and then I get to deal with his mom and I am BURNT..so sick and tired of it and she has rubbed in my face how much she loves NYC like she has her son on LOCK to stay here..so I would be beating a dead horse trying to talk to her about it.
Where did I say that? If I thought that, do you think I'd actually be asking for counsel on a forum? No, I'd have hit the gavel already.
I don't see it as "making more than him"..I see it as..OK..I make this and he makes this and we have the MEANS to fulfill a compromise he promised to so here's my scenario and would it really be that unfair???
That's all.
If I had an ego..I'd be divorced and fighting him for custody right now. I wouldn't even be taking anything else into consideration.
That's simply not true.
Be realistic and admit that the fact that you're making more money is a huge factor.
I mean look at your title " Husband makes 100K in union, I make 300k in business. I want to leave NYC and he doesn't."
You even included the money in your title, and pointed out that you make more than him in abundance.
You're clearly putting yourself on a pedestal due to it. You are humblebragging about it the whole time.
My suggestion for you - identify and work on your issues first, then talk about your husband about your mutual issues.
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