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No amount of arguing on this thread can make this man move if he doesn't want to.
Its his choice and if he would rather divorce than leave there is nothing she can do accept divorce him and go back to just accept it here and stay.
Well that's true and I can't argue with that logic. I just think it's extremely messed up that he told her they would go and he isn't keeping his word. Now the kids are in the middle of it too. She probably never thought he would not go after telling her he would because of that trust she placed in him. I hope OP can figure it out and be happy and content somehow.
I'm from New York, but I believe California is my dream state. I want to move there someday (specifically San Diego, plenty of people have told me it's amazing there).
Concerning your husband, I would definitely have a chat about this. If he doesn't want to hear it, then it seems like divorce could be on the table, even with two young kids.
I'm from San Diego, specifically. To the person who mentioned him landing a job that makes just as much, he does an insane amount of overtime here.. Without it I believe he'd be making $70,000 about, I believe.. It's not impossible to land a job for that much with his degree and background. If you can do it in NYC, you can do it anywhere. The job market is insanely competitive here.
Before I moved to NYC I actually always noticed New Yorkers at my old jobs and my boyfriends and friends old jobs in management, moving up quick or supervising or on buns performance leaderboards. As a whole, they do well there because they are more aggressive and Californians are not so my point is, I know he'll do just find landing a new position of equal value.
He's not refusing to compromise any more than you are.
You each want your coast, and your family.
He's agreeing to go to counseling to work on things.
He's not all men, he's just one.
I'll admit California (where I'm from) is ABOUT as expensive..maybe a little less but it's not cheap. My thing is..I love it there--huge thing..it's VERY family friendly and we'd have my family there, too.
He wants to stay because he claims the real estate and opportunities are best here. I've called him out on that many times though and told him that NYC is not the only place in the world with opportunities and good real estate...and even if it was, it sure doesn't replace lifestyle and happiness in my book.
Now that I'm a parent I absolutely abhor this place. No changing tables, hardly any restrooms..I just think it's a fun place to visit, have date night or be if you're single or childless but it blows majorly once you have a family. We can afford to stay but I just feel I want better for myself/kids and I've sacrificed enough.
Quote:
Originally Posted by missladytexas
Well that's true and I can't argue with that logic. I just think it's extremely messed up that he told her they would go and he isn't keeping his word. Now the kids are in the middle of it too. She probably never thought he would not go after telling her he would because of that trust she placed in him. I hope OP can figure it out and be happy and content somehow.
I never thought I'd be stuck in this position and held out because I bent over backward to support his dreams and make him happy.
You won't believe it but I had hormonal issues and docs said I may not have kids and both times I've gotten pregnant were using the pill and good old fashioned withdrawal.. I didn't even think I'd have kids until I was 34 but it all happened about 7 years earlier than planned
It kills me that kids are involved not but I'm burnt. My resentment for him has grown to a maximum and everything falls back on my shoulders. It's like my only option is to suck it up and be miserable and continue appeasing him and being in a 3-way marriage to his mom
I just don't understand at the end of the day why his happiness trumps mine, even 8 years later.
You know you can move to areas in the ny metro area that there are no crowds, clean streets, no bums on the street and plenty of safe shopping. With your salary you can move to west chester county, nassau county, bergen county, essex county morris county, staten island, etc etc etc
And with our salary we can also move to California. Why does it have to be NYC at this point? I'm trying so hard to be fair but the only answer I'm reading is about him having his
Life here.. Not compelling.
I guess as business hits half a million and up after all the hard work and success I should stay put in a place im miserable bc like most NYC guys my husband is too big a baby to move? That's what life is all about?
If it was a woman pulling this you guys would crucify her. I can tell by th undertones here that a lot of men do NOT like that I do well but let me make you feel better by telling you I'm self made and went thru years of horribly abusive relationships, homelessness, bad credit and mental and psychology anguish to be where I am today with zero encouragement or support from anyone.
I was dirt poor and a 10 year story in the making to get where I am today so to all the men with complexes, please step aside. I cannot even take your replies seriously anymore.
And with our salary we can also move to California. Why does it have to be NYC at this point? I'm trying so hard to be fair but the only answer I'm reading is about him having his
Life here.. Not compelling.
I guess as business hits half a million and up after all the hard work and success I should stay put in a place im miserable bc like most NYC guys my husband is too big a baby to move? That's what life is all about?
If it was a woman pulling this you guys would crucify her. I can tell by th undertones here that a lot of men do NOT like that I do well but let me make you feel better by telling you I'm self made and went thru years of horribly abusive relationships, homelessness, bad credit and mental and psychology anguish to be where I am today with zero encouragement or support from anyone.
I was dirt poor and a 10 year story in the making to get where I am today so to all the men with complexes, please step aside. I cannot even take your replies seriously anymore.
The thing that makes it a tricky situation is you have young kids. If you didn't, then it'd be a no brainer to just up and move to Cali (with or without him).
I would definitely recommend marriage counseling. You two have too much invested in each other and your family to throw it away with ultimatums and festering resentment. I think mediated communication and a guided discussion should be the next step before any big decisions are made.
There is absoultely NOTHING here that we wouldn't have in California..if not MORE of.
You would have more smog for sure.
And you would not have NYC tap water, which can't be beat.
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