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I'm still wondering what you think "not having sex too soon" would accomplish.
I just came on here to address this. I agree with you because I know that I jumped into this way more quickly than I would like to have and I regret it and pray it didn't destroy what could have been a great relationship and scared to death that it did. However, what's done is done and I can't put that genii back into the bottle. My concern is how to proceed from here and I'm wondering if damage control is even possible. Yes, I know that only he can answer that question. I hate to say it but I'm really losing hope that there is anyone out there for me.
Here's an indication of how fast things changed though and this will sound silly on here maybe but it was sweet when he said it and he seemed so sincere. He was looking at me deeply and he said, "OMG, it's as if I asked for a cup of love and romance and I got you!" Then the next day I got dumped. I think.
So then you have to ask yourself if he is giving you enough sexually. And you need to be aware that this will not get more, rather the opposite.
If you decide it is okay with you, I would tell him and relieve him from his depression.
If not, move on to a more sexual guy.
I could do once/week--that's way more than I was getting before I met him lol. It's the affection I crave anyway. I like to kiss and hug and hold hands the most anyway and sometimes sex is just a way of getting loving attention from a man. That's very often true of women.
I really don't have good advice on this one, but my experience with "slowing things down" usually ends up meaning the other person isn't interested (or at least not as interested as I am). To me, it's a big "proceed with caution sign" anymore. But that could just be my experience to be fair. I've never asked anyone to "slow it down" when I was really interested.
I would say the best thing to do to slow it down is to let him lead/set the pace since he's asking to slow things down. That will prevent him from feeling rushed or pressured. Let him contact you first (and you respond) and just see where it goes from there. Give him some space. But I would also say to prepare your heart for the worst (while still hoping for the best). Try to emotionally distance yourself a little and step back from it all--without leaving completely.
Good luck.
Your bold statement is absolutely true. I was asked to slow down with a woman I was with around Christmas time last year. It caused a big rift between us, and she subsequently ended things the day after Christmas. I think slowing down is telling the person who's making that statement, that they're in over their head and are likely with the wrong person. The same woman who broke up with me moved even faster with another guy, but it was the guy she wanted. She wanted to stop having sex with me, because she felt biblically it was wrong for her. She just got married the other month, and she got married because she found out she was pregnant. People will tell you the slow down lie, because they don't know how to let you down, because you are a good person, you're likely just not the person for them.
People who date and get themselves in too deep is the most frustrating person to date. It's someone who doesn't know what they really want out of their dating life. I've dated those people before, and I've been that person before, both were equally frustrating.
I just came on here to address this. I agree with you because I know that I jumped into this way more quickly than I would like to have and I regret it and pray it didn't destroy what could have been a great relationship and scared to death that it did. However, what's done is done and I can't put that genii back into the bottle. My concern is how to proceed from here and I'm wondering if damage control is even possible. Yes, I know that only he can answer that question. I hate to say it but I'm really losing hope that there is anyone out there for me.
He jumped in with both feet too, so I wouldn't be too hard on yourself.
I do think he is behaving like a jerk, one day all kittens and butterflies and the next he is getting cold feet.
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I just came on here to address this. I agree with you because I know that I jumped into this way more quickly than I would like to have and I regret it and pray it didn't destroy what could have been a great relationship and scared to death that it did. However, what's done is done and I can't put that genii back into the bottle. My concern is how to proceed from here and I'm wondering if damage control is even possible. Yes, I know that only he can answer that question. I hate to say it but I'm really losing hope that there is anyone out there for me.
I'm still not clear on what you think holding out longer before having sex would accomplish. Do you think having sex relatively quickly ruins a potential relationship? If so, what makes you think that? What is going to happen that will ruin things?
I think most people have covered it already, maybe he's just getting a little jittery cause things are progressing so quickly and probably is scaring him a bit. He's probably worried about keeping up with you in the sex department, LOL, It took me a long time to realize this, but some men actually aren't as horny as much as the way most men would lead people to believe, especially as you get a bit older, that might be the issue, he's just a once a week guy and maybe you're a 2-3 a week person.
These of course are all stabs as we don't know him only through what you tell us.
I hope things work out, try giving him a few days to miss you and that might help to force him to be a bit more transparent in his feelings for the future.
I'm still not clear on what you think holding out longer before having sex would accomplish. Do you think having sex relatively quickly ruins a potential relationship? If so, what makes you think that? What is going to happen that will ruin things?
Yes I do think it can ruin a potential relationship and here's why: because for many woman at least, her feelings really start to take off after sex and he may not be keeping pace. Also some men really disrespect women who do this and you don't really know ahead of time which kind you have. Mine is a fallen Catholic and some Catholic men really have the Madonna/bad girl mentality going on. Mainly it's a mistake for me b/c after sex I expect too much.
He jumped in with both feet too, so I wouldn't be too hard on yourself.
I do think he is behaving like a jerk, one day all kittens and butterflies and the next he is getting cold feet.
Yes I'm pretty peeved about how he handled this. When I texted him yesterday and asked if he broke up with me he said he'd get back to me but he hasn't. I don't know for sure though b/c I left my phone at home--didn't want to be checking it all day and didn't want to be tempted to text him.
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