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Speaking from the perspective of the SO of someone with roommates, I'll tell you why it was a big deal for me:
- Having to make sure we were behind closed doors before being intimate. And making sure that the noise was kept down.
- Forced socialization. Ick.
- Making sure that there was, in fact, a lock on the bathroom door.
- Having to make sure one was fully dressed before getting the first cup of coffee in the morning, or letting the dogs out.
- Making sure that valuables were, in fact, put away safely. Roommates were vetted, their company was not.
- Sharing kitchen and living room areas. God forbid one would want to take a nap on the couch...
Just to name a few.
Aside from the sheer hell that forced socialization is for an introvert, there are all of these little practicalities you mention.
Yes, I do dry my hair and put on my make-up buck naked. [Expunged: Oh, wait, some can't handle the truth.] Yes, I will burp and fart in my own residence when the urge grabs me. And finally, perhaps most importantly, no I DON'T want to wear a bra when I'm home!
And as I said above, I have not had roommates since I was 23. That would be 26 years. In fact, I only had one roommate after college, and that lasted a year or so before I wanted, OMG, privacy! Ooh, in an expensive part of the country, too--D.C. Go figure. Doesn't mean I haven't heard the horror stories. Plenty right here on C-D.
Furthermore, not living like YOU chose to live does not imply some kind of character flaw on my part, like being easily annoyed. Don't turn your forum tricks on me, young man. I'm older and better at it than you are.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
You're only older by a few years and only better at being annoyed easily, you were significantly worse at choosing people to live with, or wait... since you didn't, you actually don't know what it really like. You're just basing your complaints on what you hear. Got it.
That's right up there with guys complaining about how horrible it is to be married, or to be fleeced by the courts, despite their never actually having done it. They just hear about it, and read about it.
At age 69 and not having had "roommates" - or would "tent mates" be more accurate - since I got off active military duty in 1969 I may be older and wiser than both of you, or not. I have had an ex-wife ands children and a current wife but never considered any of them roommates.
All that being said, perhaps this thread can return to its original question regarding womens' reactions to men over 35 who don't have their own place. Right off the top I can think of a number of reasons for the men (that would pertain equally to women) but they're likely quite individual ranging from limited earnings to camaraderie to reversal of circumstances to medical/physical needs and beyond. Just as the men's reasons for having roommates are individual, so too are the women's for not liking them.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,989,150 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon
All that being said, perhaps this thread can return to its original question regarding womens' reactions to men over 35 who don't have their own place. Right off the top I can think of a number of reasons for the men (that would pertain equally to women) but they're likely quite individual ranging from limited earnings to camaraderie to reversal of circumstances to medical/physical needs and beyond. Just as the men's reasons for having roommates are individual, so too are the women's for not liking them.
Under those circumstances, what's to argue about?
Nothing. If you're using the criteria to weed out individuals that don't share you're priorities, that is fine. It's part of dating. I generally have never been attracted to people that think that societal perspectives and showing what you earn matters, indeed, quite the opposite. I general attract and am attracted to those that march to their own beat and are fiscally prudent (with some minor exceptions).
I would NEVER even date a man over 30 who did not have his own place (exception being that he was living with his kids) because I frankly cannot think of any except the following reasons for it, none of which would appeal to me:
1. If he was living with one or more non-family women, I would suspect a "friends with benefits" type of situation.
2. If he was living with one or more non-family men, I would suspect him of being either bisexual or gay.
3. If he was living with one or both parents or another relative, I would think that his parent(s) would be too dependent on him and/or he would be too dependent on them.
4. That he had made VERY unwise job and/or financial decisions and was unable to afford his own place.
5. That he had some kind of disability (mental and/or physical) that made it either impossible or very difficult for him to live on his own.
However, as others have said, I would make an exception if it was a VERY temporary situation (meaning less than a month) due to a fire at his previous residence or staying with a friend or relative outside of his town while he looked for a job and/or a new place there, for example.
P.S. Btw, I hold women over 30 to the same standards as those above! I have NEVER had a roommate after I was 18 except for my boyfriend or husband, and had never even considered doing so.
At age 69 and not having had "roommates" - or would "tent mates" be more accurate - since I got off active military duty in 1969 I may be older and wiser than both of you, or not. I have had an ex-wife ands children and a current wife but never considered any of them roommates.
All that being said, perhaps this thread can return to its original question regarding womens' reactions to men over 35 who don't have their own place. Right off the top I can think of a number of reasons for the men (that would pertain equally to women) but they're likely quite individual ranging from limited earnings to camaraderie to reversal of circumstances to medical/physical needs and beyond. Just as the men's reasons for having roommates are individual, so too are the women's for not liking them.
Under those circumstances, what's to argue about?
The OP was complaining about what he sees as disdain for men over 35 who don't live alone.
Many of the women here are explaining why they would not want to date a man in that situation.
As with any thread where someone puts forth a circumstance many find to be undesirable and questions why, those who find it undesirable will come along and explain why--and then all the people in that particular circumstance will get butt-hurt and defensive because they take it personally. It happens on threads about people who are virgins past a certain age, single parents, or not well off, too.
Thing is, we all have potential dealbreakers in our life situation. But unlike some people, I'm not going to get all defensive because there are men out there who would not date someone with mine. Please, to read this forum, a woman my age should just go join a convent or jump off a cliff simply for living past 40!
Location: Moose Jaw, in between the Moose's butt and nose.
5,152 posts, read 8,530,947 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mishigas73
Speaking from the perspective of the SO of someone with roommates, I'll tell you why it was a big deal for me:
- Having to make sure we were behind closed doors before being intimate. And making sure that the noise was kept down.
- Forced socialization. Ick.
- Making sure that there was, in fact, a lock on the bathroom door.
- Having to make sure one was fully dressed before getting the first cup of coffee in the morning, or letting the dogs out.
- Making sure that valuables were, in fact, put away safely. Roommates were vetted, their company was not.
- Sharing kitchen and living room areas. God forbid one would want to take a nap on the couch...
Just to name a few.
I get all this, but if you live in one of the places, pointed out on the opening graph, where, you have to maybe work 60 hours a week or just be real lucky work and money wise to have your own place, are you going to DQ a good number of men, who cannot simply RESPONSIBLY have their own apartment?
Location: Moose Jaw, in between the Moose's butt and nose.
5,152 posts, read 8,530,947 times
Reputation: 2038
Quote:
Originally Posted by JasperJade
The OP was complaining about what he sees as disdain for men over 35 who don't live alone.
Many of the women here are explaining why they would not want to date a man in that situation.
As with any thread where someone puts forth a circumstance many find to be undesirable and questions why, those who find it undesirable will come along and explain why--and then all the people in that particular circumstance will get butt-hurt and defensive because they take it personally. It happens on threads about people who are virgins past a certain age, single parents, or not well off, too.
Thing is, we all have potential dealbreakers in our life situation. But unlike some people, I'm not going to get all defensive because there are men out there who would not date someone with mine. Please, to read this forum, a woman my age should just go join a convent or jump off a cliff simply for living past 40!
And again, there is a difference between men over 35 having roommates, in NYC, LA, SF or Boston, then there is in say, Kansas City, Milwaukee, Oklahoma City and Cleveland (places with COL average or below).
And again, there is a difference between men over 35 having roommates, in NYC, LA, SF or Boston, then there is in say, Kansas City, Milwaukee, Oklahoma City and Cleveland (places with COL average or below).
The cost of a studio apartment would be in the ball park of splitting rents, at least here it is I've spent some time looking, in my area 2 bedroom apartment go for about 2k a month some more some less.
So if your splitting the rent you're at 1k a month, I've seen studio's listed around that price maybe a tad more, so why not just get a studio and shine living with some other person that most likely will get on your nerves after a while??
I get all this, but if you live in one of the places, pointed out on the opening graph, where, you have to maybe work 60 hours a week or just be real lucky work and money wise to have your own place, are you going to DQ a good number of men, who cannot simply RESPONSIBLY have their own apartment?
Whether or not I would get into this sort of situation again will depend solely on how exceptional the guy is.
From my experience, I know that I would most probably not be comfortable with my SO having roommates, so he would have to be exceptional (in my eyes) in other areas to get over that large hurdle.
And again, there is a difference between men over 35 having roommates, in NYC, LA, SF or Boston, then there is in say, Kansas City, Milwaukee, Oklahoma City and Cleveland (places with COL average or below).
And there are other places to live besides the city proper.
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