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Old 06-22-2016, 03:28 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,534 posts, read 34,873,169 times
Reputation: 73802

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^^^ Agreed.

The lack of communication in your marriage is a huge problem, which you already know.

Keep in mind, that may just be her excuse for getting caught. It's not uncommon for people like that to turn the issue around to the innocent party.
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Old 06-22-2016, 03:29 PM
 
Location: Sacramento
15 posts, read 18,505 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
^^^ Agreed.

The lack of communication in your marriage is a huge problem, which you already know.

Keep in mind, that may just be her excuse for getting caught. It's not uncommon for people like that to turn the issue around to the innocent party.
Why do people do that??
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Old 06-22-2016, 03:31 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,534 posts, read 34,873,169 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gemini10182 View Post
Why do people do that??
They are jerks without a conscience?
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Old 06-22-2016, 03:31 PM
 
Location: California side of the Sierras
11,162 posts, read 7,641,111 times
Reputation: 12523
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gemini10182 View Post
FOUR YEARS
I'm not just pissed about the cheating it's the fact that she had to go to my friend instead of telling me about how she felt about my sex.
Yes, that part seems especially immature. She should have been having that conversation with you. What are the ages of you, your wife, and your friend?
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Old 06-22-2016, 03:34 PM
 
Location: Sacramento
15 posts, read 18,505 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by petunia 100 View Post
yes, that part seems especially immature. She should have been having that conversation with you. What are the ages of you, your wife, and your friend?
34, 33, 30
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Old 06-22-2016, 03:37 PM
 
30,902 posts, read 33,013,051 times
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I am so sorry.

Have you sought therapy for the sexual abuse? That issue is never going to go away on its own. It's going to be "in there."

I feel so sad for you. First things first, though: decide whether you want to stay with her (I wouldn't, but that's just me...I don't know your entire situation) and meanwhile, make an appointment with a therapist, STAT. Don't wait any more on this.
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Old 06-22-2016, 03:39 PM
 
30,902 posts, read 33,013,051 times
Reputation: 26919
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gemini10182 View Post
Why do people do that??
Well, when you know you did something really, REALLY wrong, you get scared...and though an adult will deal with that, an immature adult won't know how, and might turn and point a finger.

I'd be willing to bet it goes deeper than that... but then, sex generally does, especially between caring partners (v., say, casual sex/ONS, etc.). When you couldn't have sex with her, she may have read that as "wouldn't," and though I am assuming she knows about the abuse, she may have some idea or other that if you REALLY loved her you'd get past that and want her anyway. I don't know. The dynamics of sex can be pretty complicated.
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Old 06-22-2016, 03:47 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
16,960 posts, read 17,348,750 times
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Does she want to be forgiven? she is remorseful?

Forgiveness is a good thing. BUT it doesn't change fact that she doesn't love you.
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Old 06-22-2016, 04:51 PM
 
Location: Sacramento
15 posts, read 18,505 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
Does she want to be forgiven? she is remorseful?

Forgiveness is a good thing. BUT it doesn't change fact that she doesn't love you.
She just has a "whatever" attitude about it mostly.
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Old 06-22-2016, 05:02 PM
 
2,366 posts, read 2,641,120 times
Reputation: 1788
Quote:
Originally Posted by ipaper View Post
You should be just as pissed with your so called best friend and how he did you like this.

The OP isn't married to his best friend.
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