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OP has freely chosen to make it our business by sharing his situation on this forum.
How can you say it is irrelevant? OP has said that sex is too hard for him to handle. Do you feel that has no impact on his marriage?
Seeking help for something like this is easier said than done. If you've never been through it, you just don't understand.
If my husband had this problem, we would be discussing it and I would be encouraging him to get therapy. I wouldn't deal with it by banging his best friend and react with "whatever' when he confronts me about it. Dump that ho TODAY.
Irrelevant to the cheating the question was why didn't OP seek help to cope with the abuse. He's 30 and this happened when he was 8.
But what relevance does that have to anything? I think it's cruel to ask a sick person why they didn't take better care of themselves, or to ask an accident victim why they weren't more careful. I mean, unless it's your job to hold them accountable, which I don't think applies here.
Seeking help for something like this is easier said than done. If you've never been through it, you just don't understand.
Of course it's easier said than done. I don't believe anyone has suggested otherwise.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Book Lover 21
If my husband had this problem, we would be discussing it and I would be encouraging him to get therapy. I wouldn't deal with it by banging his best friend and react with "whatever' when he confronts me about it. Dump that ho TODAY.
Agree, OP's wife did not handle the problem well and her "whatever" attitude is very troubling. However, we don't know that she didn't encourage OP to get therapy.
But what relevance does that have to anything? I think it's cruel to ask a sick person why they didn't take better care of themselves, or to ask an accident victim why they weren't more careful. I mean, unless it's your job to hold them accountable, which I don't think applies here.
Oh, so you feel asking "why" is the same as assigning blame? Isn't it possible that CSD simply wanted to know why OP has thus far chosen to not seek professional help?
Whatever happens with OP's marriage, OP deserves to be a healthy person.
I was repeatedly sexually abused when I was 8 years old, and I find sex too hard deal with.
The above is no excuse for infidelity.
BUT, from the OP's sentence it sounds like therapy would be in order as it is actively affecting his life into his 30s. No shame in that.
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Can you please point out the part you find blamey?
Sure. The bolded sentence is in response to the OP saying he was abused as a child, and he believes that has some impact on his sexuality. By stating that someone's personal experience was shared by millions CSD undermines the significance and the comment has no relevance to the OP's question about forgiveness.
The italicized and bolded also has no relevance to the OP's question, and the implication is that he wouldn't be in this situation if he had gone through therapy. It's like asking the rape victim why she went out alone.
CSD is chiding the OP on both counts. He's wrong to suggest that his abuse contributed to his current problems and he should have fixed it by now anyway. Other than that, it's a warm and supportive.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610
So were millions of other people. Why didn't you seek therapy long ago to help you deal with, cope with and overcome this issue?
If you want to forgive your wife then do so, otherwise don't and proceed from the decision you make.
Sure. The bolded sentence is in response to the OP saying he was abused as a child, and he believes that has some impact on his sexuality. By stating that someone's personal experience was shared by millions CSD undermines the significance and the comment has no relevance to the OP's question about forgiveness.
I don't read it that way. It is a fact that millions of current adults have been sexually abused as children. Most do not make statements such as "sex is too hard for me to deal with".
Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12
The italicized and bolded also has no relevance to the OP's question, and the implication is that he wouldn't be in this situation if he had gone through therapy. It's like asking the rape victim why she went out alone.
If the question had been "Why did you get married knowing you have these unresolved problems?" I would agree with you. But, that wasn't the question.
Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12
CSD is chiding the OP on both counts. He's wrong to suggest that his abuse contributed to his current problems and he should have fixed it by now anyway. Other than that, it's a warm and supportive.
I continue to think you are reading something in to the question which was not put there by the author.
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