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maybe embarrass is the wrong word.
rejection feels bad (especially when you take time to think of something clever under pressure).
not the fault of the approachee (in fact its good they arent wasting your time).
Rejection does not have to feel bad
and this could be the problem. Don't try to be clever when meeting someone. That could really add to the sting of rejection (No matter what the rejecting person says). The more pressure you put on yourself, the more rejection may hurt.
Of course they do, even IRL, but then they're in the same position as the guys who get turned down; they'll get turned down more often than not, unless they pick a really shy guy. It still points to the fact that women don't have "all the power" that some guys ascribe to them.
From my experience women do have more power. Women are far more sought after than men throughout centuries. Now in modern time things have changed but don't forget that it's still reconstruction. Such as men feeling inferior due to showing emotions such as crying in public. Women have always been looked as the victim and the damsel in distress when found in tears. Theirs many stigma's that plague our society today but it is changing. Back to my point a woman has many choices if she is attractive and or easy going meaning she seems as if she will give sex quick. A man who is attractive and confident will never have the same amount of attention a woman does. This cannot be argued unless you live an isolated area where you have hardly any interaction. A woman holds the cards until she gives the man a play then the power tends to shift because women are usually far more emotional creatures when it comes to relationships(take some classes in psychology and you will find out basic thinking patterns of each sex) so anyone who says we are the same would be entirely incorrect. We share many similarities because we are human however our thinking patterns are far different. Even in the animal kingdom that we ourselves are apart of, other species of opposite sex are also different. female lions are the hunters and provide for the family go figure however when it comes to getting a spouse the male must fight several other (male) Lions in order to win his mate( notice we men have similar psychological patterns aka why we feel we must be strong for our women and children). I can go on but the point is that we have a culture that gives women more options because we still want to be the protectors of our jungle.
Someone may feel a person is a match for them, but the other person not feeling the same for them. Happens all the time.
Eh....I actually had to tell off a guy who felt this way towards me.
He insisted he was the perfect guy for me to the point where it got really annoying and uncomfortable. He had it in his head that would somehow magically be attracted to him if he "played" the friend role for as long as it took. I made it clear it would never happen and I haven't heard from him ever since.
It's not a match period if the other person doesn't feel that way.
I can see how approaching and not receiving positive feedback might hurt for beginners, but it's the best thing that can happen to a man.
Nobody will ever tell a person his flaws with complete honesty. Especially friends and family will probably try to make people feel like they have a safe bubble around them. Women's reactions on the other hand will be completely honest and will rip on every flaw a man can have. There will still be women who love a man for who he is (it's a numbers game after all, especially for the least conventionally attractive people) but the ones that are going to change you for better and improve your life longterm are the ones who make you realize your shortcomings (as long as there's willingness to grow).
So what's the deal with suffering a bit? It's part of life, it shouldn't be always avoided. Nobody's arm is being amputated, it just lasts for some time and then it goes away. Sure pointless suffering doesn't lead to anything, but feeling bad after approaching is definitely a great motivation towards becoming a better man.
I can see how approaching and not receiving positive feedback might hurt for beginners, but it's the best thing that can happen to a man.
Nobody will ever tell a person his flaws with complete honesty. Especially friends and family will probably try to make people feel like they have a safe bubble around them. Women's reactions on the other hand will be completely honest and will rip on every flaw a man can have. There will still be women who love a man for who he is (it's a numbers game after all, especially for the least conventionally attractive people) but the ones that are going to change you for better and improve your life longterm are the ones who make you realize your shortcomings (as long as there's willingness to grow).
So what's the deal with suffering a bit? It's part of life, it shouldn't be always avoided. Nobody's arm is being amputated, it just lasts for some time and then it goes away. Sure pointless suffering doesn't lead to anything, but feeling bad after approaching is definitely a great motivation towards becoming a better man.
Heck, I'd argue that women should take this advice as well. If you're not liking your dating life, then try to approach a guy you find intriguing and/or attractive. If you get turned down, then it's a learning process, and you become a better woman and person in the process.
Heck, I'd argue that women should take this advice as well. If you're not liking your dating life, then try to approach a guy you find intriguing and/or attractive. If you get turned down, then it's a learning process, and you become a better woman and person in the process.
That advice should go both ways.
From reading this thread alone women on average seem a good bit more mature and way less butthurt about failed approaches than some of the guys posting here.
I can see how approaching and not receiving positive feedback might hurt for beginners, but it's the best thing that can happen to a man.
Nobody will ever tell a person his flaws with complete honesty. Especially friends and family will probably try to make people feel like they have a safe bubble around them. Women's reactions on the other hand will be completely honest and will rip on every flaw a man can have. There will still be women who love a man for who he is (it's a numbers game after all, especially for the least conventionally attractive people) but the ones that are going to change you for better and improve your life longterm are the ones who make you realize your shortcomings (as long as there's willingness to grow).
So what's the deal with suffering a bit? It's part of life, it shouldn't be always avoided. Nobody's arm is being amputated, it just lasts for some time and then it goes away. Sure pointless suffering doesn't lead to anything, but feeling bad after approaching is definitely a great motivation towards becoming a better man.
But then, you have to be able to tell the difference between flaws, and what is just your personality type. For one thing, there are many different types of women in the world.
There are certain things about yourself that you should change, that is a given. But the better thing to do is find the woman who will love you for who you are as opposed to trying to change to win over the one who doesn't approve of you.
Eh....I actually had to tell off a guy who felt this way towards me.
He insisted he was the perfect guy for me to the point where it got really annoying and uncomfortable. He had it in his head that would somehow magically be attracted to him if he "played" the friend role for as long as it took. I made it clear it would never happen and I haven't heard from him ever since.
It's not a match period if the other person doesn't feel that way.
Hell, I seen a video of a girl and a guy talking about something like this. They were talking about taking no for an answer.
The girl kept saying that she is not feeling him, and the guy was trying to persuade her.
But then, you have to be able to tell the difference between flaws, and what is just your personality type. For one thing, there are many different types of women in the world.
There are certain things about yourself that you should change, that is a given. But the better thing to do is find the woman who will love you for who you are as opposed to trying to change to win over the one who doesn't approve of you.
So this is pretty much a journey to figure out.
I think any reasonable person will be able to tell whether, for instance, "I am cringing being the one to tell you this, but you smell bad...you need to deal with your hygiene" or "You read too many books" (also for example) is the thing that "should" be changed.
It's true that lots falls into a gray area, and will take some time to figure out. I have seen some VERY depressed people, male and female alike, say "Sure I'm quiet all the time and hate to go out, but that's just me"...yet it obviously wasn't "just them"...it was their depression. (That's an example.) Or, "I'm blunt. That's just me" meaning, "I LOVE to rip people apart, it's the only way I feel self-confident."
And OTOH it can feel, especially when one is young, that we're supposed to fit some sort of mold. But we ALL age out of that...I mean if you're dating within your age range, the people you're dating will be maturing too, and discovering that cookie cutter simply never, ever beats unique, interesting and heartfelt.
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