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Well, right, guys, but this thread IS about cold approaches, LOL. Post #1 confirms this by stating "breaking the ice." It's unlikely one would mention breaking the ice if the two already knew each other. (???)
No, wait. Let me contradict myself here.
There are times when I might go for "cold approaches". If I am at an event and there happens to be someone of the opposite sex I am interested in. I'd have to be in the mood and not have other things on my mind.
Well, right, guys, but this thread IS about cold approaches, LOL. Post #1 confirms this by stating "breaking the ice." It's unlikely one would mention breaking the ice if the two already knew each other. (???)
I guess my question would be, how often are people forming meaningful relationships on the basis of cold approaches nowadays? I agree that that's the premise of the thread, but are people of either gender really approaching and responding to that kind of thing to any substantial degree anymore?
Like last night, I went to a bar after a movie, and it's not like there were solo people milling around or anything. People came in couples or small groups and pretty much just talked to whoever it was they came with. Certainly no one outside of the bartenders said anything to me or my date. Small sample size (and it was a Monday night), but that tends to be my sense of the crowd at most bars I've been in. It may be busier or quieter, but the general mix of people stays about the same. The vibe is more "let's be social with people we already know" than "let's meet someone."
Another thing that gets overlooked sometimes, speaking of grizzly bears, is how instinctively competitive we are. Men and women. It's in our DNA. If we've been more human than not for about 100,000 years, and a generation is about 20 years, that's about 5,000 generations. For over 4,000 of those generations we hooked up more like the grizzly bears do. Guys get laid or die trying, and women might just die while getting laid.
Our ancestors survived by being very aware of threats that don't really exist anymore, and by dealing with those threats decisively. Those instincts aren't all gone, but most of the threats and the concomitant need for vigilance they inspired are gone.
I think those instincts can prompt us to think we need to be better than we really do to have any romantic happiness or success, or on some unconscious level, survival. We don't channel that into killing each other (generally) but I suspect most of us are at least tempted to overdo things romantically, even if in socially acceptable ways. For most of us this instinct gets mollified by reality and passes as a faint bit of insecurity now and then. But for others I wonder if their belief that the objects of their desire have unlimited options or expect unrealistic combinations of qualities from potential partners comes from some deep racial memory of fearing getting killed or exiled if they aren't up to standard as potential mates.
Some of us are fighting the last, long finished war.
Another thing that gets overlooked sometimes, speaking of grizzly bears, is how instinctively competitive we are. Men and women. It's in our DNA. If we've been more human than not for about 100,000 years, and a generation is about 20 years, that's about 5,000 generations. For over 4,000 of those generations we hooked up more like the grizzly bears do. Guys get laid or die trying, and women might just die while getting laid.
Our ancestors survived by being very aware of threats that don't really exist anymore, and by dealing with those threats decisively. Those instincts aren't all gone, but most of the threats and the concomitant need for vigilance they inspired are gone.
I think those instincts can prompt us to think we need to be better than we really do to have any romantic happiness or success, or on some unconscious level, survival. We don't channel that into killing each other (generally) but I suspect most of us are at least tempted to overdo things romantically, even if in socially acceptable ways. For most of us this instinct gets mollified by reality and passes as a faint bit of insecurity now and then. But for others I wonder if their belief that the objects of their desire have unlimited options or expect unrealistic combinations of qualities from potential partners comes from some deep racial memory of fearing getting killed or exiled if they aren't up to standard as potential mates.
Some of us are fighting the last, long finished war.
Yes and no. For a huge portion of that 100,000 years as far as we can tell (possibly longer than that 100,000 years), hominids have been very social indeed. We have lived in groups and have had to therefore figure out how to do so WITHOUT killing one another on a whim (close quarters are much more likely to breed anger, including homicidal rage, than a condition of meeting up, electively, only on occasions, such as mating - at which time the male chooses, or not, to risk death). Obviously, that has not always been successful and there is a good bit of blood on the hands of human history but for many, many, many generations, much more than pure survival has existed for humans, and much more than poink-and-leave has been involved, in ever increasing doses due to the ever increasing length of infancy (the longer the infancy period, the more social cooperation is required in a group so that fewer women will die trying to get food and fewer children will die unattended).
So sure, we have that "animal" portion (and we are of course animals ourselves), BUT cooperation in social ways, very very very intricate social ways, has existed in highly fine-tuned ways for humans at the very, very, barest minimum as far as archaeological record can tell, for 40,000 years. And this includes keeping alive group members who in "practical" ways would have been useless to the group's survival, such as shamans who didn't hunt or famously (though not a direct ancestor, still human) the Neander valley "elderly" man who had crippling arthritis and was missing limb pieces, yet obviously lived for years in this condition which should have starved him to death years earlier.
All told generations-wise, that's a while to offset pure animal instinct and choosing based on who won't kill you and will feed you and is the absolute ultimate physically uber-best.
But you continue to insist that women in general are going for the gorgeous guys when we cold approach, because we must be looking at men the way I think you must be looking at women (based on your figuring other people must be this way, it just seems like that to me). And although there are always exceptions, in general I have found that I and women I know who have struck up interested conversations with men, have done so not because the guy looked "gorgeous," necessarily, but because he looked approachable, kind, interesting, was laughing (seemed to enjoy humor), dressed like he gave a hoot/took care of himself, and so on. You seem to just not want to hear this...you seem to keep making it about the "physical" as if we're approaching the Ken dolls. My experience has not been this...at all.
Claiming women will only approach the most handsome men (which is what saying it's all about looks is doing...face it) is just an excuse. It's an excuse, over and over and over again. What's dangerous about this excuse is that it makes men start to hate women. They refuse to see that it may be something else - maybe they're brooding/unapproachable, maybe their hygiene is awful, it could be anything - and instead make it, "I don't get approached because 'average' women expect an amazing physical male specimen, it's not fair, I totally hate women!" I worry when men start to hate women. Because a (small) percentage will actually turn out to be dangerous.
.
This needs to be a sticky on this sub-forum. I've seen women approach average guys much more in my lifetime than I've seen women approach the guys who stand out for their good looks. And I've seen/heard women warn each other about some of the good-looking guys, because they're players or arrogant or have other character issues. I think most women don't think like a lot of guys do; they have a more holistic view, and are mainly interested in good character. As long as a guy is presentable, he's worth at least a conversation, to scope him out.
And I've seen guys with mindsets like some of the guys here, who are convinced no woman would ever be interested in them, be shocked and bowled over when a woman does approach them, and is persistent about it. (It takes persistence in those cases, because the guys brush the women off at first, assuming she couldn't possibly have a romantic interest in them.)
This needs to be a sticky on this sub-forum. I've seen women approach average guys much more in my lifetime than I've seen women approach the guys who stand out for their good looks. And I've seen/heard women warn each other about some of the good-looking guys, because they're players or arrogant or have other character issues. I think most women don't think like a lot of guys do; they have a more holistic view, and are mainly interested in good character. As long as a guy is presentable, he's worth at least a conversation, to scope him out.
And I've seen guys with mindsets like some of the guys here, who are convinced no woman would ever be interested in them, be shocked and bowled over when a woman does approach them, and is persistent about it. (It takes persistence in those cases, because the guys brush the women off at first, assuming she couldn't possibly have a romantic interest in them.)
Also, those guys weren't average, but stunningly good looking models.
We all know that women not only do not approach, but if a man who is not Brad Pitt dares to so much as say hi, not only will she viciously reject him, but she will brand him a creep in front every living soul in the area who has somehow stopped watching TV, listening to music, talking on the phone, etc (depending on where one is at) just to listen to and observe him walking up and making the approach (do they have radars or something?). Then she'll harm his momma and murder his children (even though he is a virgin...I'm not sure how that works either, but bear with me). Then she'll call the cops and then tell them that he raped her and then he'll be thrown in prison and have to deal with . All because he approached a woman.
Also, women have all the power. They are divine creatures with force fields around them that will fry anyone that is earning less than $1,000,000.00... unless he is drop dead gorgeous of course.
C'mon you divine unicorns of Narnia Nirvana. Give us an approach. We beg you. Us men are approach starved. We have needs too.
Please??? Just one approach?
If any of you are interested, please donate an approach
at 1-800-approach for charity.
</sarcasm>
Last edited by TJenkins602; 12-20-2016 at 06:11 PM..
Reason: sanitizing a post
Also, those guys weren't average, but stunningly good looking models.
We all know that women not only do not approach, but if a man who is not Brad Pitt dares to so much as say hi, not only will she viciously reject him, but she will brand him a creep in front every living soul in the area who has somehow stopped watching TV, listening to music, talking on the phone, etc (depending on where one is at) just to listen to and observe him walking up and making the approach (do they have radars or something?). Then she'll harm his momma and murder his children (even though he is a virgin...I'm not sure how that works either, but bear with me). Then she'll call the cops and then tell them that he raped her and then he'll be thrown in prison and have to deal with . All because he approached a woman.
Also, women have all the power. They are divine creatures with force fields around them that will fry anyone that is less than 6'9,000" (and yet Brad Pitt is not even 6', go figure).
C'mon you divine unicorns of Narnia Nirvana. Give us an approach. We beg you. Us men are approach starved. We have needs too.
Please??? Just one approach?
If any of you are interested, please donate an approach
also, those guys weren't average, but stunningly good looking models.
We all know that women not only do not approach, but if a man who is not brad pitt dares to so much as say hi, not only will she viciously reject him, but she will brand him a creep in front every living soul in the area who has somehow stopped watching tv, listening to music, talking on the phone, etc (depending on where one is at) just to listen to and observe him walking up and making the approach (do they have radars or something?). Then she'll harm his momma and murder his children (even though he is a virgin...i'm not sure how that works either, but bear with me). Then she'll call the cops and then tell them that he raped her and then he'll be thrown in prison and have to deal with . All because he approached a woman.
Also, women have all the power. They are divine creatures with force fields around them that will fry anyone that is less than 6'9,000" (and yet brad pitt is not even 6', go figure).
C'mon you divine unicorns of narnia nirvana. Give us an approach. We beg you. Us men are approach starved. We have needs too.
please??? Just one approach?
if any of you are interested, please donate an approach
at 1-800-approach for charity.
LOL!
Best way is to go to a nightclub..... Dance by anyone that's had a few too many and slightly off balanced .......Wait for her to stand/step on your foot.......Then she'll initiate conversation by apologising and you're in!!!..... Still classed as her approaching first! LMAO
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. All because he approached a woman.
Us men are approach starved. We have needs too. 
LMAO
