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I am fairly recently divorced.. I feel like I may have jumped into a relationship way too soon.. but thats not something I can change right now.
Anyway, I have 2 kids that I have on the weekends, and my girlfriend has 2 kids that she has most of the time (Texas standard visitation, she is the custodial parent). She lives with me and her kids do as well most of the time. I support us all on a single income. The problem is that neither her nor her father do anything to support these kids, no child support is paid (he is now like 4-5k in arrears) and she has not worked for the entire year I have been together (2 years total). I have offered her a car to drive if she will go get her license (Its a manual so she'd have to learn to drive it) and/or pay for the first few weeks of child care so she could get started at a job. She has yet to even seek a job.. Most days she isn't even up by the time I am leaving for work (I don't leave early, around 8:30 AM), and while she does laundry and cooks dinner, I feel like she doesn't do an amazing job of cleaning the house.
On top of this, she constantly complains about how I don't treat her kids the same.. For example on weekends when my children are here but hers aren't we tend to do things that cost more.. My reasoning is that she can't afford to pay for her kids so I tend to find free/cheap alternatives that I don't mind paying for. She complains that I don't interact with her kids much.. the reality is I only see them for a few hours after work and I am wiped out after sitting in front of a computer for 8-9 hours a day.. versus I see my kids on the weekend when I am refreshed..
Do I sound unreasonable? Anytime I bring up her not working, she gets angry and withdraws.. I can't really understand why..
Do I sound unreasonable? Anytime I bring up her not working, she gets angry and withdraws.. I can't really understand why..
You are not unreasonable. If anyone should be angry it should be you. Almost any woman can basically do anything she wants, screw up her life, credit, no money, debt, etc, and STILL have someone pay her way. The deadbeat guys who are able to pull off the same with a woman supporting them? Those guys have some sort of superpower.
I'm trying to think of a positive thing to say about your girlfriend...
You are not unreasonable. If anyone should be angry it should be you. Almost any woman can basically do anything she wants, screw up her life, credit, no money, debt, etc, and STILL have someone pay her way. The deadbeat guys who are able to pull off the same with a woman supporting them? Those guys have some sort of superpower.
I'm trying to think of a positive thing to say about your girlfriend...
For her kids, yes, more or less, she sleeps in way too much in my opinion. But she seems to take care of them.. I work, so I don't really know what happens.
My kids, she helps where she can.. but I am not working on the weekends when I have them.
You should be mad at yourself for moving in with a woman and her family without realizing any of this. Her not working should have come up fairly soon in the dating process. No conversations about money/work philosophies before shacking up? Sounds like you didn't do any due diligence, took this woman and her kids in, and now you want to get annoyed about this stuff. You can't force her to work, but you can decide how long you're willing to deal with it before they get the boot.
You are not unreasonable. If anyone should be angry it should be you. Almost any woman can basically do anything she wants, screw up her life, credit, no money, debt, etc, and STILL have someone pay her way.
Don't be mad at the women - be mad at the idiot men who willingly support women who contribute nothing.
Suffering from "Knight in Shining Armour Syndrome?" KSAS
Volunteering for another tragic ending to a relationship so soon after a divorce..well good luck to you.
Mae
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