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Slow clap. Well you said exactly what I was thinking. *HE* doesn't know this chick either, except for how the OP describes her. But *HE* gets a kick outta OUR responses? LMAO
Yeaahhh dude let the head on ur shoulders think for once.
Also, I'm getting the feeling from his answers in support of the OP, that he thinks being cute is totally synonymous with being subservient and relying on a man. It's almost as if whenever he brings up the subject of a woman working, shes fat, bossy, etc. Women who don't need him are ugly, women who cant drive or think, are kinda cute, and make good mates. I hope the cute mate with no need for a free car doesn't have a really sick kid and needs to go to the doctor or ER, get picked up at school, etc, that's not so cute to put your children's needs second.
Don't be mad at the women - be mad at the idiot men who willingly support women who contribute nothing.
Oh please, when it's the other way around and women get stuck with guys that won't work women get a lot of sympathy and just call the guy a loser. Would you really say "Don't be mad at the man, be mad at the idiot women who willingly support men who contribute nothing"?
Oh please, when it's the other way around and women get stuck with guys that won't work women get a lot of sympathy and just call the guy a loser. Would you really say "Don't be mad at the man, be mad at the idiot women who willingly support men who contribute nothing"?
actually I would and I do. Just like I have no sympathy for women who put up with partners who don't pull their weight around the house.
I stopped reading after about page 10. I got tired of reading everyone's responses because they seem to have all the answers because they are perfect and never make mistakes Yes, OP, you really screwed yourself but that's not uncommon for people after being what you've been through. Don't take that as excusing behavior though. You have a lot to do. I would advise not giving an ultimatum. Send her packing. She won't be homeless, she has family she can go to as she was living with dad when she met you. She sounds like a user and taker.
Next, therapy, you have to figure out why you make the decisions you make and pick the type of people you pick. It sounds like your picker is broken and needs to be fixed. Therapy will help you figure that out and hopefully you will be able to see the red flags clear as day going forward. Also work on being able to be alone. Learn to love your own company, for that to be enough that way when you do meet a woman you can WANT her and not NEED her. If you get horny learn how to take care of it without getting into another relationship for a while. Last, focus on your kids. Actually this should be first. They need you and always will. Learn to be the best father you can and give them your all. Good luck
I am fairly recently divorced.. I feel like I may have jumped into a relationship way too soon.. but thats not something I can change right now.
Anyway, I have 2 kids that I have on the weekends, and my girlfriend has 2 kids that she has most of the time (Texas standard visitation, she is the custodial parent). She lives with me and her kids do as well most of the time. I support us all on a single income. The problem is that neither her nor her father do anything to support these kids, no child support is paid (he is now like 4-5k in arrears) and she has not worked for the entire year I have been together (2 years total). I have offered her a car to drive if she will go get her license (Its a manual so she'd have to learn to drive it) and/or pay for the first few weeks of child care so she could get started at a job. She has yet to even seek a job.. Most days she isn't even up by the time I am leaving for work (I don't leave early, around 8:30 AM), and while she does laundry and cooks dinner, I feel like she doesn't do an amazing job of cleaning the house.
On top of this, she constantly complains about how I don't treat her kids the same.. For example on weekends when my children are here but hers aren't we tend to do things that cost more.. My reasoning is that she can't afford to pay for her kids so I tend to find free/cheap alternatives that I don't mind paying for. She complains that I don't interact with her kids much.. the reality is I only see them for a few hours after work and I am wiped out after sitting in front of a computer for 8-9 hours a day.. versus I see my kids on the weekend when I am refreshed..
Do I sound unreasonable? Anytime I bring up her not working, she gets angry and withdraws.. I can't really understand why..
Just looking for any input or advice..
Youre getting played sir
Just kick her out, laugh it off and move on.
If you dont do this you deserve what comes along with dating this kind of trash
I agree with you. When I had my daughter, I was working full time. I brought home exactly what daycare cost for the week. Thankfully my ex husband realized it was ridiculous that I could not even pay for my own gas to drive to work and told me to quit.
Sometimes it just does not make sense to work with little ones. With my youngest, I managed to collect unemployment for a few years to get us through until he was about out of diapers. I would have never been able to support all of us without some income and assistance.
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63
....except, by not working you also don't build up your social security and have no chance of contributing anything to a 401(k) or Roth IRA...or keeping up whatever skills you have or keeping your resume intact.
Not to say it wasn't a good choice for you or for other women, but don't say that if you can't out-earn childcare costs that there is NO value to working...especially if you end up getting dumped and can't rely on your hubby's social security later. These are the hidden costs of being a SAHM that are easy to overlook and discount when you're young and married/attached.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck
I had started working at the age of 15 so had contributed to social security. Also if one is married ten years they can use the husbands social security. I plan to do that anyway unless, I remarry at some point and my new husband has better social security than my ex husband.
Sure...you get SOMETHING, but not for the lost years. As for SS: As a spouse, you can claim a Social Security benefit based on your own earnings record, or you can collect a spousal benefit that will provide you 50% of the amount of your spouse's Social Security benefit as calculated at their full retirement age (FRA).
I guess that might be okay if you would have only had a low paying job but I'd not settle for half. Same if you're divorced - half.
I am fairly recently divorced.. I feel like I may have jumped into a relationship way too soon.. but thats not something I can change right now.
Anyway, I have 2 kids that I have on the weekends, and my girlfriend has 2 kids that she has most of the time (Texas standard visitation, she is the custodial parent). She lives with me and her kids do as well most of the time. I support us all on a single income. The problem is that neither her nor her father do anything to support these kids, no child support is paid (he is now like 4-5k in arrears) and she has not worked for the entire year I have been together (2 years total). I have offered her a car to drive if she will go get her license (Its a manual so she'd have to learn to drive it) and/or pay for the first few weeks of child care so she could get started at a job. She has yet to even seek a job.. Most days she isn't even up by the time I am leaving for work (I don't leave early, around 8:30 AM), and while she does laundry and cooks dinner, I feel like she doesn't do an amazing job of cleaning the house.
On top of this, she constantly complains about how I don't treat her kids the same.. For example on weekends when my children are here but hers aren't we tend to do things that cost more.. My reasoning is that she can't afford to pay for her kids so I tend to find free/cheap alternatives that I don't mind paying for. She complains that I don't interact with her kids much.. the reality is I only see them for a few hours after work and I am wiped out after sitting in front of a computer for 8-9 hours a day.. versus I see my kids on the weekend when I am refreshed..
Do I sound unreasonable? Anytime I bring up her not working, she gets angry and withdraws.. I can't really understand why..
He's already supporting 3 extra people; why should he pay for a maid? If he sends her home to her dad, then he can hire a maid, and still come out ahead financially.
I was being facetious.... there are too many things in the OP and ensuing posts that don't add up, so I find it pointless to try and offer any serious feedback
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I hope the cute mate with no need for a free car doesn't have a really sick kid and needs to go to the doctor or ER, get picked up at school, etc, that's not so cute to put your children's needs second.
Yes, OP, you really screwed yourself but that's not uncommon for people after being what you've been through. Don't take that as excusing behavior though. You have a lot to do. I would advise not giving an ultimatum. Send her packing. She won't be homeless, she has family she can go to as she was living with dad when she met you. She sounds like a user and taker.
