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The stick shift car deal might not be an excuse. I've never learned to drive one and I've tried for years. Could of had a free car at 16 and couldn't get it and then was a one stick car family and still couldn't get it. Never could understand why anyone would choose to drive that kind of car. Not "fun" as they always try to convince me.
I never figured out how someone could not learn something so simple. And yes they are fun to drive.
I agree with you. When I had my daughter, I was working full time. I brought home exactly what daycare cost for the week. Thankfully my ex husband realized it was ridiculous that I could not even pay for my own gas to drive to work and told me to quit.
Sometimes it just does not make sense to work with little ones. With my youngest, I managed to collect unemployment for a few years to get us through until he was about out of diapers. I would have never been able to support all of us without some income and assistance.
....except, by not working you also don't build up your social security and have no chance of contributing anything to a 401(k) or Roth IRA...or keeping up whatever skills you have or keeping your resume intact.
Not to say it wasn't a good choice for you or for other women, but don't say that if you can't out-earn childcare costs that there is NO value to working...especially if you end up getting dumped and can't rely on your hubby's social security later. These are the hidden costs of being a SAHM that are easy to overlook and discount when you're young and married/attached.
Thanks Mike, I think the reality is that yes I value physical attractiveness. And the sex ain't bad for either of us.. I wasn't really looking for a judgement.. more just how do you motivate someone without pushing them too far away.. I do like this girl.. I could see a future but I need her to step up..she has worked before, but life has her a bit down.. and I think I know what to do..
Yes we had the convo, I am holding off until the end of January and if she hasn't made progress I will take it from there. It was a very serious convo and hopefully she understands this is not acceptable long term. I am taking her to get her license tomorrow and we will take it from there..
The reality is that the relationship means more to me than money (I have plenty of that, I can afford to feed them for another month without impacting myself or mine) and I think I will fight and let her know very clearly what my expectations are.
I get a kick out of the responses here. No one here knows this girl. People have made up their minds regarding her in the first couple paragraphs.
Ultimately you will know in about a month how serious she is about you. Like you said, her commitment toward you, not the money, is what's important long-term.
And it is important she takes care of herself and looks good. Too many women feel they can gain 50lbs or so pounds and wonder why men aren't attracted. So bravo you have a cute little redhead and the sex is good. That's an important part also.
Personally I'd love to be in a position where I could support a lady so the young kids could be raised by a mother figure and not an overpaid daycare service.
....except, by not working you also don't build up your social security and have no chance of contributing anything to a 401(k) or Roth IRA...or keeping up whatever skills you have or keeping your resume intact.
Not to say it wasn't a good choice for you or for other women, but don't say that if you can't out-earn childcare costs that there is NO value to working...especially if you end up getting dumped and can't rely on your hubby's social security later. These are the hidden costs of being a SAHM that are easy to overlook and discount when you're young and married/attached.
I had started working at the age of 15 so had contributed to social security. Also if one is married ten years they can use the husbands social security. I plan to do that anyway unless, I remarry at some point and my new husband has better social security than my ex husband.
If we are going to go there, then why not wish the only people capable of reproducing would be the ones who actually end up parenting their kids, and no more children per parent than they can comfortably afford. It would sure go a long way in population control in any given nation's economy, but that's really a topic for another thread.
This is not the case. I just looked up PA laws this week because I was going to have CPS and there is nothing saying kids can't share rooms or that a child has to have a bedroom at the noncustodial parents house.
Kids don't need their own private bedroom. It wasn't that long ago that sharing bedrooms was the norm.
I get a kick out of the responses here. No one here knows this girl. People have made up their minds regarding her in the first couple paragraphs.
Ultimately you will know in about a month how serious she is about you. Like you said, her commitment toward you, not the money, is what's important long-term.
And it is important she takes care of herself and looks good. Too many women feel they can gain 50lbs or so pounds and wonder why men aren't attracted. So bravo you have a cute little redhead and the sex is good. That's an important part also.
Personally I'd love to be in a position where I could support a lady so the young kids could be raised by a mother figure and not an overpaid daycare service.
And all YOU know, like, and are FOCUSING on about her is how he describes her appearance.
So by your philosophy:
IF "Ultimately you will know in about a month how serious she is about you" AND she is no longer so cute because he has gotten used to the newness of her, and she has gained some weight from not having to do anything, ever, and the sex "aint so great" because they've already done it in every room and in every position, twice, will it then be ok to decide this relationship is one of superficial needs that cannot be met forever, and rethink?!
Living one's life base on superficiality is no method for finding anything except very short term pleasure. Then where will the kids be? Wishing their mama was pretty enough, sexy enough, so that they could live stable, happy lives?
What I get a "kick out of" is how old some people get to be before they find out what's important in life, how to be truly happy with them-self. If ever...
I never figured out how someone could not learn something so simple. And yes they are fun to drive.
It's simple for you. That's the thing about things you're naturally good at. You think because it's easy for you it's easy for everyone else, too. I can attest to the fact that I could not learn how to drive a stick shift. I'm sure if I'd been more motivated and had a better instructor, I could have learned, but it definitely wouldn't have been easy for me.
And all YOU know, like, and are FOCUSING on about her is how he describes her appearance.
So by your philosophy:
IF "Ultimately you will know in about a month how serious she is about you" AND she is no longer so cute because he has gotten used to the newness of her, and she has gained some weight from not having to do anything, ever, and the sex "aint so great" because they've already done it in every room and in every position, twice, will it then be ok to decide this relationship is one of superficial needs that cannot be met forever, and rethink?!
Living one's life base on superficiality is no method for finding anything except very short term pleasure. Then where will the kids be? Wishing their mama was pretty enough, sexy enough, so that they could live stable, happy lives?
What I get a "kick out of" is how old some people get to be before they find out what's important in life, how to be truly happy with them-self. If ever...
Slow clap. Well you said exactly what I was thinking. *HE* doesn't know this chick either, except for how the OP describes her. But *HE* gets a kick outta OUR responses? LMAO
Yeaahhh dude let the head on ur shoulders think for once.
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