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If all they can get are dead end jobs, I really wish they wouldn't have kids in the first place.
If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.
If we are going to go there, then why not wish the only people capable of reproducing would be the ones who actually end up parenting their kids, and no more children per parent than they can comfortably afford. It would sure go a long way in population control in any given nation's economy, but that's really a topic for another thread.
She is 26 to your old 35 ? she was in high school just 8 years ago. Cranked out a couple of kids with multiple sperm donors? Have a great life! Oh, I was really cute at 26...30 YEARS and 30'pounds ago! Time will march on..
Mae
You are not unreasonable. If anyone should be angry it should be you. Almost any woman can basically do anything she wants, screw up her life, credit, no money, debt, etc, and STILL have someone pay her way. The deadbeat guys who are able to pull off the same with a woman supporting them? Those guys have some sort of superpower.
I'm trying to think of a positive thing to say about your girlfriend...
She cares about her kids?
Yeah, you're right. He should be angry. At himself. For getting himself into this stupid situation.
You don't go back to somewhere you've never been.
She doesn't need to learn how to support herself as long as she can use her charms to hook a schlub who will cover her expenses.
What difference does it make if the SAHM is married or not? In each case, married or not married, the man is consenting to being Mr. Provider for the brood.
Good for her if this is the life she wants and she's able to realize it.
It wouldn't work for me personally, but I'm not going to get my panties in a twist over anyone else who manages an existence without taking up her place in the hamster wheels of corporate America.
I guess I just can't get as worked up about people who manage their lives without having to work some dead-end job just to pay to have someone else care for their small children. This model should not be considered the pinnacle of parenting.
I agree with you. When I had my daughter, I was working full time. I brought home exactly what daycare cost for the week. Thankfully my ex husband realized it was ridiculous that I could not even pay for my own gas to drive to work and told me to quit.
Sometimes it just does not make sense to work with little ones. With my youngest, I managed to collect unemployment for a few years to get us through until he was about out of diapers. I would have never been able to support all of us without some income and assistance.
And your ex wife was okay with the sudden change in living arrangements in terms of the kids now sharing a room as opposed to having their own? She didn't file a motion contesting that?
The judge probably would not care. My ex married a woman with kids. Her kids each have their own room. When my son is there he gets the couch or her sons bed. I contested it and the judge told me get over it.
I could have four kids with their own rooms in my house, so it was a big deal
To me. Not the judge
She thanked you for complying with most judge's rulings that children need a room in both parents home after a divorce? Well, that's nice of her.
This is not the case. I just looked up PA laws this week because I was going to have CPS and there is nothing saying kids can't share rooms or that a child has to have a bedroom at the noncustodial parents house.
Thanks Mike, I think the reality is that yes I value physical attractiveness. And the sex ain't bad for either of us.. I wasn't really looking for a judgement.. more just how do you motivate someone without pushing them too far away.. I do like this girl.. I could see a future but I need her to step up..she has worked before, but life has her a bit down.. and I think I know what to do..
Yes we had the convo, I am holding off until the end of January and if she hasn't made progress I will take it from there. It was a very serious convo and hopefully she understands this is not acceptable long term. I am taking her to get her license tomorrow and we will take it from there..
The reality is that the relationship means more to me than money (I have plenty of that, I can afford to feed them for another month without impacting myself or mine) and I think I will fight and let her know very clearly what my expectations are.
It sounds to me like she is using you for a paycheck. I would break it off, the sooner the better if it were me. I think it is Its ludicrous and unreasonable for her to have the expectations she does, when she is too lazy to even drive or work, much less do the typical things one would expect of a stay at home parent. She doesn't have the right to be a stay at home parent on your dime, much less issue demands.
She sounds like she is not contributing anything to the living situation, much less the time her kids are there.
Therefore,You should separate your visitation and not include her or her children....She should do things with her kids at her own expense when they are there, and you do the same with yours. Actually because you are trying to appease her and include her and her children, you are actually short changing your own.
If you continue allowing this then you should learn to live with it, because you have become a volunteer.
She was living with her dad after she broke up with her ex.
Tell her that she needs to go back to her Dad's house. That you've realized that you cannot support all of you since she has not met you in the middle regarding sharing expenses.
You can still date her.....Just do not live with her until she gets her act together as an adult and a responsible single parent. Not driving the stick shift car is an excuse.....Test it....get an automatic and see what excuse she comes up with.
You really need to see this for what it is, you are short changing your's and your children's lives by continuing things the way they are with her living with and off of you.
I know that romantic feelings can make us do really stupid things....But think long term....the rest of your life....Are you willing to carry her and her children for the rest of your life?
If you are, then marry her and accept this. If not, the sooner you get her back to her Dad's home, the sooner she may realize that she really needs to step up, grow-up and woman-up....You are not doing her any favors, nor her children by enabling her irresponsible behaviors.....and you are actually doing a dis-service to all of you, especially you and your children.
Hell I was a very cute young red head, 22 years old.....but I worked two jobs as a single mom. Cute doesn't mean squat if there isn't a real woman's responsibility and attitude to back it up. And the questionable parenting is a serious red flag, if she doesn't take excellent care of her own kids, she sure won't take good care of yours. Seriously.
Location: Sodo Sopa at The Villas above Kenny' s House.
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The stick shift car deal might not be an excuse. I've never learned to drive one and I've tried for years. Could of had a free car at 16 and couldn't get it and then was a one stick car family and still couldn't get it. Never could understand why anyone would choose to drive that kind of car. Not "fun" as they always try to convince me.
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