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Once upon a time I was in my early 40's, putting myself back together 2 years out after leaving a marriage that had lasted for 20 years. I joined a couple of social groups just to get back out in the world again and at one of them I met a man I'll call "Glenn." People talk about love at first sight - for me it was love the first time I heard his voice. I hadn't even noticed him sitting leaned up in his chair behind me, but then someone called on him to ask him to speak and he began to talk with a wry, self-deprecating sense of humor that I found very intriguing. I turned around to look at him, and I was lost - just like that. Alas, I soon discovered that he was seeing another women, so I firmly put him out of my mind with a big mental "off limits" sign, and he vanished off to California. A year or so later he turned up back in town sans girlfriend and I was a lamb ready for the slaughter. We began dating and then we became engaged and he and his two younger children - a boy aged 14 and a girl of 12 - moved in with me. I was so happy - my new family! I loved those two kids, especially because I'd never been able to have children of my own. Glenn worked in the construction industry and made a good living with a paycheck that came in like clockwork at the end of each week. I had a job that I liked well enough, also. Everything seemed to be going well - not a single cloud could I detect on the horizon (in retrospect I should have). We were planning a December wedding with a honeymoon in Baja California.
Glenn's daughter was with us only on the weekends. During the week she lived with her Mom and her stepdad in a house on the other side of town. Pretty soon she started doing some pre-teen acting out - fell in with a bad crowd and her grades went down to failing. This all came to a head when she ran away from home and we finally found her 3 days later in a motel room in a sleazy part of town with a couple of boys in their late teens. The adults decided that she should be removed from public school and get some home schooling under strict supervision and no contact allowed with her little juvie delinquent friends. Glenn asked me if I would be willing to be the one to take the girl on and have her come live with us full time, so I could help her get up her grades and be as far away from the old gang as possible. "Quit your job; I'll take care of you," he told me. Oh man, famous last words.
Like a fool, I went along with this plan and put in my pink slip. Glenn's daughter and I got along very well and I had a much easier time with her than her Mom did - probably because I came along without any old baggage. Things settled down after that and once again, all seemed well with me as a stay at home step-mom and Glenn's comfortable weekly take home pay. Then one cold October night - it was halloween - Glenn came home with his paycheck in his pocket like always only this night, he walked through the door and said to me, "I'm sorry but I just can't do this anymore," turned on his heel and left - just like that. Didn't even give me a few bucks to buy some groceries for myself and his two kids. I was devastated. The kids had to go back to their real Mom and I was left alone in a cold, empty house, crying my eyes out. Damn near broke me, but somehow I managed to survive and ultimately walk out in the sun again after the worst event in my life bar none.
Fast forward 20 years. Glenn showed up out of nowhere, tracking me down on Facebook with repeated "friend" requests. I was pretty amazed to say the least. Why try to reconnect this late in the game after so many years and so many tears? The man had long ago lost the power to hurt me. I had mentally dragged him to the cross roads and drove a silver stake through his heart 20 years ago. As a part of my healing process, I'd also come to accept that emotionally, he really "couldn't do this anymore" for any number of reasons that should have spelled "danger" to me right from the start - everything from too much heavy drinking to very traumatic childhood that had left him with permanent psychological scars. By the time he'd showed up in my life, I should have been smart enough to detect these things as serious deal breakers - things that shouldn't have been brushed aside merely for the sake of a sweet smile or a dry sense of humor - a few eloquent words. It seemed like every time I checked it on FB, there was yet one more of his friend requests and I finally OKed one, about in the same manner you'd swat aside a pesky fly. Glenn has certainly been determined and after about his 100th request for my cell number, I once again wearily gave in. Now he tries to call me all the time and I mostly ignore him.
I don't know what on earth he's really up to. He keeps saying he "still loves me" and feels like I'm his "wife." Say WHAT? I don't think so. And at 63, isn't he getting a little too old for these games? I know that I am. What I don't know is why I've let him come back into my life at all - even for a few phone calls and a couple of PM's on Facebook. Maybe that old, deep wound hasn't completely healed the way I thought it had. Maybe I want him to give me some sort of explanation of his own and help me understand why he did what he did. But why should I care after all these years? It makes no difference now. He is living 400 miles away from me and claims he wants to come to see me and help me out with my finances and everything else. Oh, please. He has already "taken care of me." Anymore of his so-called help would probably do me in at my age.
I should just change my cell number and block him out of FB, but for whatever reason I don't. This "haunting" is beginning to get to me and I'm feeling like he's some sort of onslaught of early dementia or something. I guess I need some insight from others who don't bring so much emotional baggage to all this. Frankly, I think the man is hoping that I'll take care of HIM in his old age and is trying to claim the benefits of a 20 year marriage. Sorry old man, you must be present to win and you most certainly were not present. Today he sent me a check for $100.00 in the mail. His handwriting is still the same and the sight of it put me back to the old days for a moment and then I just had to shake my head. I guess my vampire has turned into a zombie. Someone give me some zombie-killing advise - please!
Thanks to anyone who might be patient enough to read through this long old post from an old lady and offer me a little insight into all this!
I think you're right, he's looking for someone to take care of him as he ages.
Send the money back and tell him you are involved with someone else and not interested.
Hah! I'm going to keep any money he's stupid enough to send me. I never asked for it nor have I ever made him any promises. If he wants to "haunt" me with $100.00 checks, I'm snapping them up and calling it Karma!
I posted about this on another forum, but I think I should have posted about it here instead, so here goes:
20 years ago I was engaged to a guy I'll call Glenn. Very long story short, he had a troubled pre-teen daughter who needed a lot of adult supervision. Glenn persuaded me to quit my job and home school this poor kid, telling me that he'd "take care of me" and then once I turned myself into a stay at home step-mom, abruptly just walked out on us both without a single word of warning. Just - poof! Gone! It was such an awful thing to do to us both and I was completely devastated. It took me many tears and a couple of years before I was able to move on, but move on I did.
Fast forward to a few months back. Glenn showed up out of nowhere, tracking me down on Facebook with repeated "friend" requests. I was pretty amazed to say the least. Why try to reconnect this late in the game after so many years and so many tears? The man had long ago lost the power to hurt me. I had mentally dragged him to the cross roads and drove a silver stake through his heart 20 years ago. Yet it seemed like every time I checked it on FB, there was yet one more of his friend requests and I finally OK'ed one, about in the same manner you'd swat aside a pesky fly. Glenn has certainly been determined and after about his 100th request for my cell number, I once again wearily gave in. Now he tries to call me all the time and I mostly ignore him.
I don't know what on earth he's really up to. He keeps saying he "still loves me" and feels like I'm his "wife." Say WHAT? I don't think so. And at 63, isn't he getting a little too old for these games? I know that I am. What I don't know is why I've let him come back into my life at all - even for a few phone calls and a couple of PM's on Facebook. Maybe that old, deep wound hasn't completely healed the way I thought it had. Maybe I want him to give me some sort of explanation of his own and help me understand why he did what he did. But why should I care after all these years? It makes no difference now. He is living 400 miles away from me and claims he wants to come to see me and help me out with my finances and everything else. Oh, please. He has already "taken care of me." Anymore of his so-called help would probably do me in at my age.
I should just change my cell number and block him out of FB, but for whatever reason I don't. This "haunting" is beginning to get to me and I'm feeling like he's some sort of onslaught of early dementia or something. I guess I need some insight from others who don't bring so much emotional baggage to all this. Frankly, I think the man is hoping that I'll take care of HIM in his old age and is trying to claim the benefits of a 20 year marriage. Sorry old man, you must be present to win and you most certainly were not present. Today he sent me a check for $100.00 in the mail. His handwriting is still the same and the sight of it put me back to the old days for a moment and then I just had to shake my head. I guess my vampire has turned into a zombie. Someone give me some zombie-killing advise - please!
I posted about this on another forum, but I think I should have posted about it here instead, so here goes:
20 years ago I was engaged to a guy I'll call Glenn. Very long story short, he had a troubled pre-teen daughter who needed a lot of adult supervision. Glenn persuaded me to quit my job and home school this poor kid, telling me that he'd "take care of me" and then once I turned myself into a stay at home step-mom, abruptly just walked out on us both without a single word of warning. Just - poof! Gone! It was such an awful thing to do to us both and I was completely devastated. It took me many tears and a couple of years before I was able to move on, but move on I did.
Fast forward to a few months back. Glenn showed up out of nowhere, tracking me down on Facebook with repeated "friend" requests. I was pretty amazed to say the least. Why try to reconnect this late in the game after so many years and so many tears? The man had long ago lost the power to hurt me. I had mentally dragged him to the cross roads and drove a silver stake through his heart 20 years ago. Yet it seemed like every time I checked it on FB, there was yet one more of his friend requests and I finally OK'ed one, about in the same manner you'd swat aside a pesky fly. Glenn has certainly been determined and after about his 100th request for my cell number, I once again wearily gave in. Now he tries to call me all the time and I mostly ignore him.
I don't know what on earth he's really up to. He keeps saying he "still loves me" and feels like I'm his "wife." Say WHAT? I don't think so. And at 63, isn't he getting a little too old for these games? I know that I am. What I don't know is why I've let him come back into my life at all - even for a few phone calls and a couple of PM's on Facebook. Maybe that old, deep wound hasn't completely healed the way I thought it had. Maybe I want him to give me some sort of explanation of his own and help me understand why he did what he did. But why should I care after all these years? It makes no difference now. He is living 400 miles away from me and claims he wants to come to see me and help me out with my finances and everything else. Oh, please. He has already "taken care of me." Anymore of his so-called help would probably do me in at my age.
I should just change my cell number and block him out of FB, but for whatever reason I don't. This "haunting" is beginning to get to me and I'm feeling like he's some sort of onslaught of early dementia or something. I guess I need some insight from others who don't bring so much emotional baggage to all this. Frankly, I think the man is hoping that I'll take care of HIM in his old age and is trying to claim the benefits of a 20 year marriage. Sorry old man, you must be present to win and you most certainly were not present. Today he sent me a check for $100.00 in the mail. His handwriting is still the same and the sight of it put me back to the old days for a moment and then I just had to shake my head. I guess my vampire has turned into a zombie. Someone give me some zombie-killing advise - please!
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt. Sounds like you might want a little company and are trying to fight the urge.
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt. Sounds like you might want a little company and are trying to fight the urge.
You know what? I think you are dead on. I'm a pretty self-sufficient person, but I'm also divorced and l probably will spend the rest of my life as single. I'm no different than anyone else and sometimes I just get lonely. This man and I had some good times together, but the grief he caused me far overwhelmed that. I know he hasn't changed. If he was able to change, he would have been able to stay and he'd be dozing in his recliner right now while I dinked around on the Internet. Instead, he's 400 miles away and he always will be 400 miles away. I need to focus on my friends who are here with me now, not some long lost hope from the past. Thanks!
Um.
You should have blocked him on facebook so he couldn't do any more friend requests. It could have ended with one.
It's weird that you didn't.
And then your cell?
What kind of weird game are you playing?
That's the same question I keep asking myself. How stupid am I? VERY stupid! Seems like there are several threads here tonight by people who are having trouble with things from the past. I wonder who let all those zombies get out?
I guess as much as anything else, I'm just lonely. But I know this guy would only make me lonelier yet if I really let him come back. I need to focus on my friendships where I live now and spend time with people in my present life and stop looking back at some lost cause.
You know what? I think you are dead on. I'm a pretty self-sufficient person, but I'm also divorced and l probably will spend the rest of my life as single. I'm no different than anyone else and sometimes I just get lonely. This man and I had some good times together, but the grief he caused me far overwhelmed that. I know he hasn't changed. If he was able to change, he would have been able to stay and he'd be dozing in his recliner right now while I dinked around on the Internet. Instead, he's 400 miles away and he always will be 400 miles away. I need to focus on my friends who are here with me now, not some long lost hope from the past. Thanks!
yes, this. I have always liked your posts, you seem like a fabulous person - so sorry this happened to you. Glen is bad news (but keep the checks, you deserve them).
Again so sorry.
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Oh, my god! He's back!
