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LOL! With all due respect to the forum member you were replying to, that's pretty funny.
Well, that's a little harsh, but I did ask for feedback. As a "mature woman" I feel that I am a little wiser and I've certainly learned new skills. I'm a night owl, BTW. That's one thing about myself that probably will never change.
Thanks to everyone who has replied to this thread, I really appreciate the feedback from you all! Writing this all down and then throwing it out there on the Internet has helped quite a bit. I also took a nice long walk this afternoon to thinks things over and clear my head a little. I've been keeping my cell shut off, so I won't be tempted to pick up if I hear that he's trying to call. But I still need to check my voicemail and stuff once a day, so I don't miss messages I really want/need to hear. I checked my voicemail earlier this evening and YES! There were no messages from Glenn. He hasn't called me for a few days now and the last time I spoke with him, he complained of the poor quality of the cell reception (I live in a remote, rural region and sometimes the cell phone service out here is impossible).
It occurred to me that this is exactly what he always likes to do - he will move heaven and earth to win me over and then once he thinks he has me hooked, he loses interest and will vanish at the slightest hint of any further difficulty. I started replaying the tapes in my mind of how awful that Halloween night was when he walked out on me instead of my "good old days" tapes. I remembered yet again what a hard six months it was after he left me empty-handed - no job, no money - just a big empty hole in my chest where my heart used to be. I suddenly remembered the refrain from an old obscure Bill Miller song that I like very much - "Ordinary Man." It's about a couple of old folks who remained together all their lives even though neither one was perfect. The refrain of that song goes:
Any fool would have turned and run;
Any fool would have given up;
Any fool would have walked away;
But an ordinary man - he chose to stay.
Yeah, a man who really loved me would have talked to me about what was going on with him, made an effort to get my support and work things through, but Glenn was a fool who turned and runned, leaving everything that mattered behind him. I thought about how I'd have to leave this place I love more than anything in the world and move back to a big city that I hate because access to medical care here isn't that great, and Glenn needs access to better medical care these days. I pictured myself, abandoned in that city yet one more time only this time even worse because I've been away so long that I no longer have the friends there who helped me make it through it last time around. Man did that ever bring a chill to my soul.
And I thought about Glenn's daughter - that poor little girl. He never even bothered to say goodbye to her. She had been so excited about Halloween, saying "This is going to be the best Halloween ever!" She was at a Halloween party with her friends the night her Dad walked off into the night. I had no legal claim on her of course, never mind the money to take care of her, so I had to take her back to her real Mom - who was a very angry, abusive woman. Glenn's daughter sat in my car with me and we both cried, parked out front of her Mom's and stepDad's house. That was as hard as losing Glenn. After that this poor girl used to show up at my house and show me all the bruises on her legs where her Mom had beat her up. No wonder she used to run away from home! I did what I could to offer her support and encouragement and she managed to graduate from high school, became a veterinarian's assistant, and later on got married. We drifted apart after I moved away from the city a few years after Glenn left. There were just so many painful memories... I think she is doing OK now. She friended me on Facebook and gives every appearance of living a happy life. I hope she really is and I'm sending up a prayer for her this evening.
You know, it may not be so hard for me to change my cell phone number after all.
Blah blah blah. You have not changed your number. You have not blocked him on Facebook.
You do like this drama. Otherwise why are you putting the onus on Glenn? "He has not called"? Take the option away and change your number. Elina is right. You have not learned a thing.
You will be back on here whining about how he hurt you.
You should just be able to block his number. I don't think you have to change your number. I can block up to 5 numbers I believe. And yes, block him on fb.
I'm sorry that happened to you, he walked out on his kids too!! What a loser.
Well, the easy answer is to block him, but I sense that you don't want to cut off all contact. You may be curious as to why he has contacted you all these years later, and maybe interested in seeing him again for closure. That's understandable.
He, on the other hand, may be going through hard times, a sickness, or is lonely and is trying to recreate a time in his life when he had a stable relationship and things were going well. Or, he may be in a 12-step program and is trying to make amends.
I don't see any reason why you can't have a long heart-to-heart conversation with him....get all your questions answered, and finally put this relationship to bed. You may have not seen him for 20 years, but it seems as though you still have feelings toward him, and unresolved anger at what he put you through.
You have started two threads about this, OP. Almost like one thread wasn't generating enough........I'm not sure what? Only you can determine if you're really that confused about this situation and this guy's motives, or whether there's something about this dynamic that you can't let go of. And make no mistake, you should LetTF go of this guy and this dynamic.
Block his number. Don't open anything he sends you. Write "return to sender" on anything and drop it in a mailbox. Block him from all social media.
In other words, ignore him. There's no need to get all dramatic and turn off your phone all day, talk about getting a new number, holding letters up to the light, etc.
Blah blah blah. You have not changed your number. You have not blocked him on Facebook.
You do like this drama. Otherwise why are you putting the onus on Glenn? "He has not called"? Take the option away and change your number. Elina is right. You have not learned a thing.
You will be back on here whining about how he hurt you.
Heh! Internet Mind Reading 101! I may end up back here whining about something or other, but I'm pretty sure it won't be about Glenn. I mentioned that I noticed he'd hadn't called because just seeing that unleashed an avalanche of old, bad memories and got me to start thinking about all those awful things that came down way back when. I'm never going to leave where I am now to be with that man. I won't be going back to that city we both used to live in just so I can watch him walk out on me yet again. And he doesn't get to come out here and disrupt my current living situation either. I really lucked out on the place I'm staying in now. Why throw that good luck away on an unlucky man? I plead temporary insanity. As I posted earlier, writing all this stuff down and then throwing it out here on the Internet has been very helpful for me. The moment I started looking at the here and now and what it would require to get back together with that guy, it drove home to me how foolish I was to on keep replaying that very short tape about a few good times long past, and ignoring the thousands of bad times. I'll NEVER let him do that to me again!
You're going to keep the money?! I think you secretly enjoy the drama and mystery he brings to your drab life. Keeping the money will encourage him... but you already know that.
My advice is to block him, write nothing more than "return to sender" on the checks, and do not engage him in any fashion from here on in. If the mere act of discussing him in this thread excites you, stop it and delete the thread. I feel creepy just responding to this. I think you thrive on this drama... which may be what sent him running decades ago.
That's the same question I keep asking myself. How stupid am I? VERY stupid! Seems like there are several threads here tonight by people who are having trouble with things from the past. I wonder who let all those zombies get out?
I guess as much as anything else, I'm just lonely. But I know this guy would only make me lonelier yet if I really let him come back. I need to focus on my friendships where I live now and spend time with people in my present life and stop looking back at some lost cause.
You're liking the drama, and you're liking the pursuit.
Get out there and date. Put a little excitement in to your life. You deserve better.
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