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That's the same question I keep asking myself. How stupid am I? VERY stupid! Seems like there are several threads here tonight by people who are having trouble with things from the past. I wonder who let all those zombies get out?
I guess as much as anything else, I'm just lonely. But I know this guy would only make me lonelier yet if I really let him come back. I need to focus on my friendships where I live now and spend time with people in my present life and stop looking back at some lost cause.
I haven't read the whole thread but I'll take a stab at the psychological aspect of this.
You can't get him completely out of your head because he left you and that is a blow to the ego that few can overcome. I'm guessing you spent a fair amount of time wondering why he left, who he was with, if he'd ever come back and what you'd do if he did come back. You know on a conscious level that he left because he was a jerk, but on a subconscious level your ego wants to undo the pain of being left.
It's a story and a reaction that is as old as time. But you're smart and you can reason your way out of this.
His leaving had nothing to do with you. He left because he's an irresponsible ass. His current love interest has probably kicked him out and he's probably broke, and he's come back to you because you're a lovely person who treated him right 20 years ago.
You know what you have to do. Let him know in very clear terms that you're cutting off contact. You don't need to tell him why. He's certainly not entitled to it, is he? He didn't tell you why when he left you in the lurch with his two children. And don't worry about him--he's used to women getting sick of his crap and kicking him out.
Just tell him bye, unfriend him, block him from your phone and don't look back. You don't need this creep in your life.
I once briefly was involved with a man in college, who haunted me years later, showing up on my doorstep after 15 years of not seeing him. He had been broke his whole life and never lasted even one day at a job. He didn't even last in college, he dropped out. He would go around charming anyone he could, couchsurfing, he married a woman for a while who supported him until she kicked him out. I believe he came to me because he was looking for his next meal. He must have looked up my address on the internet, but he didn't now I was married. So I informed him of that, showed him my wedding ring, and then shut the door in his face. Haven't seen him since. I guess he found someone else to get food and money from.
Hah! I'm going to keep any money he's stupid enough to send me. I never asked for it nor have I ever made him any promises. If he wants to "haunt" me with $100.00 checks, I'm snapping them up and calling it Karma!
This is wrong. And it sounds just EXACTLY like the things my psychopath of a brother says - on the subject of lying to others to get what he wants, "Hey, if they're stupid enough to believe me, they deserve what they get."
Your ex may very well be playing games, but the above is proof that you are, too. And I have to wonder if he didn't have reason to "walk out" on you. Whatever is going on, it is not all his fault, that's for sure.
If you were at all serious about solving this situation you would block him from facebook and on your phone and IMMEDIATELY return any money or gifts he sends you.
At the end of the day, we stay in bad relationships, or gravitate toward bad relationships, or allow bad relationships back into our lives because we are getting something out of them. Until we figure out what that is and how to replace that unbalanced need with a healthier desire, we won't stop the cycle.
I agree completely and I say this as someone who has taken way too long to rid myself of toxic relationships.
I once briefly was involved with a man in college, who haunted me years later, showing up on my doorstep after 15 years of not seeing him. He had been broke his whole life and never lasted even one day at a job. He didn't even last in college, he dropped out. He would go around charming anyone he could, couchsurfing, he married a woman for a while who supported him until she kicked him out. I believe he came to me because he was looking for his next meal. He must have looked up my address on the internet, but he didn't now I was married. So I informed him of that, showed him my wedding ring, and then shut the door in his face. Haven't seen him since. I guess he found someone else to get food and money from.
Let this be a lesson to anyone who has sons....mothers, do not spoil them and do everything for them, teach them to be independent....if you do not, your enabling them to be a monster for the person they marry.
I think you owe him that $100 back, if you are not willing to do the thing that he was buying with it. It's called ethics and it should apply to everyone you deal with, not just those you like.
okay first off I'm so darn tired of peoples drama including my adult kids drama and those that are family . Block him on fb say nothing more to him , shread the checks or send them back to him with no return addy and delete him from your life permanantely . if he trys to call you tell him sorry I am with someone now and they are all I need . Have a good life and then hang up the phone and block his phone number .Life is much too short to have to deal with a jerk showing up from 20 yrs ago ....
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