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Heh! Internet Mind Reading 101! I may end up back here whining about something or other, but I'm pretty sure it won't be about Glenn. I mentioned that I noticed he'd hadn't called because just seeing that unleashed an avalanche of old, bad memories and got me to start thinking about all those awful things that came down way back when. I'm never going to leave where I am now to be with that man. I won't be going back to that city we both used to live in just so I can watch him walk out on me yet again. And he doesn't get to come out here and disrupt my current living situation either. I really lucked out on the place I'm staying in now. Why throw that good luck away on an unlucky man? I plead temporary insanity. As I posted earlier, writing all this stuff down and then throwing it out here on the Internet has been very helpful for me. The moment I started looking at the here and now and what it would require to get back together with that guy, it drove home to me how foolish I was to on keep replaying that very short tape about a few good times long past, and ignoring the thousands of bad times. I'll NEVER let him do that to me again!
Thanks for your helpful post anyhow.
Did you change your phone number and block him on Facebook? That's what matters.
Getting angry and me and others won't change anything.
The worst thing a lonely, single woman in her 60's can do is to settle. Has this man changed in 20 years? Has he gotten therapy for his previous issues? Does he still drink? How is his health? Is he looking for a sucker to take care of him in his later years? Why would YOU put yourself through his garbage again?
The definition of insanity "repeating the same thing over and over but expecting different results". Too many women our age are willing to settle for any man because they want love in their life. Personally I'd rather be alone the rest of my life than be stuck with the wrong man. But YOU are going to do what YOU want to do no matter how many people on this forum tell you to stay away from this guy. Because that's how human nature is most of the time.
Block his number. Don't open anything he sends you. Write "return to sender" on anything and drop it in a mailbox. Block him from all social media.
In other words, ignore him. There's no need to get all dramatic and turn off your phone all day, talk about getting a new number, holding letters up to the light, etc.
Why aren't you taking the simplest steps first?
Actually, I've taken the most basic step of all - coming back to the real world and looking at the situation with that guy and feeling disgusted with myself. Writing it all through really helped me get back into the world as it actually is. I will never, ever be so stupid as to leave a place I love, with an almost ideal living situation and go move 400 miles just so I can watch him walk out on me again. And he doesn't get to come out here and disrupt everything either. No way! I am so glad the clarity is coming back in regard to that character.
He owes me quite a bit of money, but I'm not going to go after him for it because that would just lead back to enmeshment with him all over again. However, if he happens to send me another check all by his little self, you'd better believe I'm cashing it. I sure could use the extra cash. I can't think of any better message to send him than opening up the letter, extracting any check it might contain and then resealing it, RETURN TO SENDER!
Besides, that check thing is just a hypothetical, anyhow. I very much doubt there will be others, especially since I'm no longer going to play this crazy game with him. Yeah, no need to hold that hypothetical envelope up to the light to see what's in it. I finally am coming around and it feels great! That worthless man can go shove it! Really, really glad I was able to get all of those things out here and regain my sanity.
I didn't turn off my phone this morning. If he happens to call, I will just ignore it. You're right - no need for drama. And again, I thank everyone here for being so kind as to help me out with this!
Last edited by Colorado Rambler; 04-03-2017 at 09:04 AM..
I have a friend who is around your age. Her husband left her in favor of marrying a young Chinese woman, like half his age. She was devastated, and rightfully so. They did however remain friends. He pays her guilt money every month. She doesn't love him anymore and they have become better as friends then they were as husband and wife. They even take vacations together, um, without it being physical. I find it all very strange but who am I to judge? It works for them, and she's up thousands of dollars that she never would have received had she not handled it the way she did. He even comes and works on her house if she needs help.
I'm sorry dear one but I have my doubts that you can handle a relationship with your ex that would be beneficial to you. You seem like a romantic and a giver. Those traits will cloud your judgement. My friend is very hard core and independent. She does fine not talking to anyone for years. It's taken us about two or three years to get close. She is nobody's fool. I admire her toughness, and sometimes I wish I could be more like her. I'm more like you. You will figure out his ulterior motive if you dig deep enough and keep your eyes wide open, but do you really want to set yourself up for what could be another horrible disappointment?
Am I the only one wondering why in the world the OP would have given this man her address?
OP - Stop this nonsense! Return the check and let go of him completely.
I'm still stuck on why she ever accepted his Facebook request. I would have blocked his sorry butt! Forget giving him my address. Nothing good can come from that!
In regard to the comments you guys and others here have made about anymore potential checks: One of the things I decided to do when I was walking and thinking this afternoon is that if he sends me any more letters/checks? I'm going to hold up the envelope to the light to see if there's a check in it or not. No check and I send the letter back unopened - "RETURN TO SENDER!" If I see a check inside, I'm gonna open up the envelope, take the check out, and then tape it back up - "RETURN TO SENDER!" I think he might just get a clue!
First off, if you open an envelope, you can't write return to sender on it. The post office won't accept opened mailed without new postage.
Secondly, you're going to take his money? Then why on earth did you ever post this? You love the attention. You love the drama. You love the game. You seriously need professional help. Sick and twisted.
Actually, I've taken the most basic step of all - coming back to the real world and looking at the situation with that guy and feeling disgusted with myself. Writing it all through really helped me get back into the world as it actually is. I will never, ever be so stupid as to leave a place I love, with an almost ideal living situation and go move 400 miles just so I can watch him walk out on me again. And he doesn't get to come out here and disrupt everything either. No way! I am so glad the clarity is coming back in regard to that character.
He owes me quite a bit of money, but I'm not going to go after him for it because that would just lead back to enmeshment with him all over again. However, if he happens to send me another check all by his little self, you'd better believe I'm cashing it. I sure could use the extra cash. I can't think of any better message to send him than opening up the letter, extracting any check it might contain and then resealing it, RETURN TO SENDER!
Besides, that check thing is just a hypothetical, anyhow. I very much doubt there will be others, especially since I'm no longer going to play this crazy game with him. Yeah, no need to hold that hypothetical envelope up to the light to see what's in it. I finally am coming around and it feels great! That worthless man can go shove it! Really, really glad I was able to get all of those things out here and regain my sanity.
I didn't turn off my phone this morning. If he happens to call, I will just ignore it. You're right - no need for drama. And again, I thank everyone here for being so kind as to help me out with this!
Why haven't you blocked his number on your phone and why haven't you blocked him from Facebook?
Hi Colorado Rambler. I've been reading this thread and think you have received some excellent advice. Here are a couple of things I am thinking about.
First of all, whenever someone sends me a friend request on FB, I turn it down. Then I get a message from FB telling me that person has been blocked and will never know I did that. There is a setting in your account that you can get to avoid getting unwanted requests. Look in the help area for this info.
Secondly, when I was doing al-anon meetings and weekly counseling, any unhealthy activity or thoughts I had would be countered with.... what are you getting from this? Some kind of reward. Like.... feeling you deserve to be mistreated, etc. So you let it continue because it feeds that need. Or my life was pretty dull and I craved something exciting, so accepted insanity as a way of getting that need filled.
Thirdly. Where you are living is, in my opinion, the worst place for you right now. Oh, it may be beautiful, the mountains and other gorgeous scenery. But that kind of isolation is going to play on your loneliness (yes you are lonely) and the fact that without transportation you cannot get to medical help and counseling. You need to get out of there. A move does not have to be permanent. But getting help for yourself is vital.
The mind can play some wicked games if we have too much time and no help to counter it.
My ex called me after being divorced 30+ years..... said he wanted to send me an anniversary card..... what?????? Wanted me to friend him on FB. Nooooooo. He is on his third marriage (at least that was true a few years ago, he may be into the 4th by now).
As the old commercial says, I've come a long way baby. Not going backward. I sincerely hope you do not go backward either!
My ex called me after being divorced 30+ years..... said he wanted to send me an anniversary card..... what?????? Wanted me to friend him on FB. Nooooooo. He is on his third marriage (at least that was true a few years ago, he may be into the 4th by now).
!
Oh geez, that reminded me..... my first marriage was from 1990-1993. My ex worked across the street from me for awhile in recent years, and did work with my company so from time to time we'd run into each other. Lots of water under the bridge, no hard feelings.
Couple of years ago he tells me he's going to an event I have been to in the past. Says "would it be weird if I invited you to come with me and share a room?"
Ummmmmm YES. That would be extremely weird and the answer is most definitely NO.
I mean, I'm not even going to ask if there are others sharing the room too - it's just WEIRD.
A phrase that has served me well all these years is "ex's are ex's for a reason". Keep it that way
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I think he might just get a clue!
