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I'm sure this topic has been done to death but really, what's in a man's head with this?
I have a male friend, we've been chummy for three years. He's been a good patient friend to me. I like him and think he's a decent, stable, consistent guy.
Since the holidays or so things have escalated a bit in intensity on his end (I assume he's lonely, he has big life changes coming up). I myself have been very sick and dealing with that. He's been a good guy to me through it, takes cues from me about what I'm up for and so on. No pressure kind of thing (I don't have a lot of energy right now). We've joked about him being on standby for fun if needed while at the same time we had a thoughtful discussion how we didn't want our friendship to end if it became sexual. It was something I feared. He told me more than once he was more worried I would end things, not him. (I know I would not).
The inevitable happened, we had sex one night, for hours actually. It was fantastic. He was kind and sweet and so respectful. He treated me like he was into it. It was effortless really with no awkwardness, it was great!
Other than a text right after he left saying what a great time he had and I was awesome and all that I've heard nothing. I've sent a few follow up texts and a chatty email, the sort of contact we always have. No response. It's been three weeks. In general it isn't weird we'd go three weeks without a real convo, but him to not even respond at all is very weird (before sex anyway).
To be clear - we do not have romantic feelings for one another and simply enjoyed being friends and chatting with one another. He has no reason to fear my feelings have changed.
What gives guys? We aren't young anymore either, if that matters. Sure people hook up but we've been friends for three years, what guy is going to pretend for that long for one night??
I'm sure this topic has been done to death but really, what's in a man's head with this?
I have a male friend, we've been chummy for three years. He's been a good patient friend to me. I like him and think he's a decent, stable, consistent guy.
Since the holidays or so things have escalated a bit in intensity on his end (I assume he's lonely, he has big life changes coming up). I myself have been very sick and dealing with that. He's been a good guy to me through it, takes cues from me about what I'm up for and so on. No pressure kind of thing (I don't have a lot of energy right now). We've joked about him being on standby for fun if needed while at the same time we had a thoughtful discussion how we didn't want our friendship to end if it became sexual. It was something I feared. He told me more than once he was more worried I would end things, not him. (I know I would not).
The inevitable happened, we had sex one night, for hours actually. It was fantastic. He was kind and sweet and so respectful. He treated me like he was into it. It was effortless really with no awkwardness, it was great!
Other than a text right after he left saying what a great time he had and I was awesome and all that I've heard nothing. I've sent a few follow up texts and a chatty email, the sort of contact we always have. No response. It's been three weeks. In general it isn't weird we'd go three weeks without a real convo, but him to not even respond at all is very weird (before sex anyway).
To be clear - we do not have romantic feelings for one another and simply enjoyed being friends and chatting with one another. He has no reason to fear my feelings have changed.
What gives guys? We aren't young anymore either, if that matters. Sure people hook up but we've been friends for three years, what guy is going to pretend for that long for one night??
Ugh sorry magpie.
Yeah, that IS weird, especially since he seemed SO concerned at first that you would do what he is now doing.
I have no idea what he is thinking, but I would send one message telling him that you feel like he's avoiding you, and you wish he wouldn't. You don't expect anything except a conversation.
Hopefully he will be respectful as a friend and reply.
Maybe he does have stronger feelings but knows you don't? No way to know without asking, and even then, you might get the truth, might get something else.
Who's to say. Only he knows the answer. Same thing happened to me years ago. I slept with a friend, she even spent the night and left in the morning. Said she would talk to me tomorrow, and to this day I have not heard from her. Gone just like that. Hopefully your friend gets back in touch with you, so guys can talk about things, but unfortunately there is no sweeping rhyme or reason why people just ghost on others, even if they really know them.
This really is disrespectful behavior, as a lover, friend or just human-to-human.
The guy has got to know you are wondering what the deal is, and he won't even deign to reply to you? How is that okay, that he feels alright with leaving you hanging?
Who's to say. Only he knows the answer. Same thing happened to me years ago. I slept with a friend, she even spent the night and left in the morning. Said she would talk to me tomorrow, and to this day I have not heard from her.
That's terrible Raptor.
(and anyone else that has happened to)
For me anyway, I don't feel different at all really. The sex was great but mostly because it was so sweet and endearing, which surprised me a little (because that isn't something I can fake). I'm just horribly surprised. I don't want anything different from him really and I was super cool chill chick who didn't get weird or clingy or be like "Sooooo where is this going?".
For me anyway, I don't feel different at all really. The sex was great but mostly because it was so sweet and endearing, which surprised me a little (because that isn't something I can fake). I'm just horribly surprised. I don't want anything different from him really and I was super cool chill chick who didn't get weird or clingy or be like "Sooooo where is this going?".
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
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He's feeling awkward. Give him space. You'll reconnect. No biggie. Some times people get weirded out by casual sex (esp the first time with someone), just give them space and don't push, people that are really friends reconnect in time.
It seems like three years' investing time in developing a friendship is unlikely in a "I'm here for one thing" scenario. Unless you're really pretty pathetic, anyway. Most people aren't going to sink three years into accessing a hit it and quit it. You don't need to.
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