Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
He probably feels awkward now about crossing the friendship line . Give him a few weeks. If he doesn't come around then I would text him asking what his problem was. It was only sex, we aren't getting married !
I agree with this too, about the "crossing the line" thing. Your man friend may also be feeling plain old garden-variety fear. Namely, he heard too many stories and/or saw too many movies where a woman falls in love with a man after sleeping him. So he projected that onto you, and now fears he will be obligated to reciprocate, by starting a serious relationship with you. Even if he might want it, it's a big transition in roles to go from friends to lovers. (Or he might be like me, who loathes the idea of a relationship, period.) Yes, you said "we aren't getting married", but men's fears are a weird animal.
I agree with this too, about the "crossing the line" thing. Your man friend may also be feeling plain old garden-variety fear. Namely, he heard too many stories and/or saw too many movies where a woman falls in love with a man after sleeping him. So he projected that onto you, and now fears he will be obligated to reciprocate, by starting a serious relationship with you. Even if he might want it, it's a big transition in roles to go from friends to lovers. (Or he might be like me, who loathes the idea of a relationship, period.) Yes, you said "we aren't getting married", but men's fears are a weird animal.
Thank you for your insight. I really didn't know what to think but of course he might be having such thoughts. We know we don't have a future together really which is fine but the sex is good so I wouldn't mind doing that again.....*shuffle*...
If he said "Hey, the sex was weird and I don't like you anymore"
He was your friend for years, so he can't just come out and say it that way.
Why didnt the 2 of you have sex before this? One of you maybe wasnt seeing the other "that way". I can't have sex with someone I'm not extremely attracted to, and that sure would've been an awfully long 3 years if what I REALLY wanted was throw-your-clothes-off-at-the-door sex...
I guess that's what might happen after one has sex with someone that they're just 'meh' about in physical attraction.
Friends for years tell each other it was amazing, and they'll call you later. One of the 2 may actually think it was weird and ruined the friendship.
Thank you for your insight. I really didn't know what to think but of course he might be having such thoughts. We know we don't have a future together really which is fine but the sex is good so I wouldn't mind doing that again.....*shuffle*...
Perhaps this is the reaction he feared. Namely: "sex was good" --> "I want to do it again" --> "I want to be with him" --> "I'm in love."
Not that I'm saying you are, but men's fears are a weird animal. And he's a man, so... well, you know.
By the way, have you seen "Zack and Miri Make a P*rno"? It's about two friends, guy and girl, who have sex and
Spoiler
fall in love as a result.
Perhaps he's seen it, and now that you two had sex, it scared him.
You want a friend back? Maybe he wants the sex back? Or maybe you seduced him-double message? in any event, you did go over each others borders and he may be suffering from a mixture of emotions that have left him confused, or as one poster noted afraid.
He was your friend for years, so he can't just come out and say it that way.
Why didnt the 2 of you have sex before this? One of you maybe wasnt seeing the other "that way". I can't have sex with someone I'm not extremely attracted to, and that sure would've been an awfully long 3 years if what I REALLY wanted was throw-your-clothes-off-at-the-door sex...
I guess that's what might happen after one has sex with someone that they're just 'meh' about in physical attraction.
Friends for years tell each other it was amazing, and they'll call you later. One of the 2 may actually think it was weird and ruined the friendship.
We met online and didn't meet for awhile in person. We were just friends from the start, we didnt think it would go on this long. I was involved with other people over this time and he works fulltime plus a pt job and goes to school ft. He had zero time for socializing. We are good as casual friends with each other and support each other with anything really. We would have three hour phone convos sometimes but with age and circumstance it didn't seem logical to get involved romantically - especially since he was so busy,
Then around the holidays suddenly he seemed way more flirty and extended more invitations to hang. I've been ill so I don't have a lot of energy or quality time but we hung out more. I almost died in March from the ongoing illness and jokingly kept saying that we should hook up in case I die tomorrow. That was revealing for me, I had a real fear my life was going downhill, and not for the better.
I do maintain I prefer quality friends over casual sex. I did fear, just based on past experiences with others, that we might not be friends anymore and I didn't want our dynamic to change. We enjoy hanging out and our silly convos to break up the day. I really really appreciate I can be myself, even my ugly parts, and he isn't fazed by it. He has listened to me cry over other guys and listened to details of who I was chasing.
I realized as I was typing this out maybe he just gave me a pity bang. Hard to fake, I'm impressed.
And having sex with someone you are extremely attracted to is all well and good, but, good sex and chemistry doesn't necessarily mean two can be a good couple (unfortunately).
Him getting more flirty around the holidays.
The deed being surprisingly sweet and tender and loving.
I'm thinking he has more feelings for you and is scared because you keep pushing the "I don't want anything more" angle.
I don't understand this modern thing of "awesome friends who love sex together NOT being the perfect relationship." Kinda sounds like the gold standard to me.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
