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I think this is the lamest statement of the thread.
Grownups, real sentient adults who actually care for something besides their peckers, would not simply walk away from an intimate encounter with someone who is supposedly a friend and never call back. Grownups call. Grownups admit mistakes. Grownups apologize, if need be.
So now, after he used her and ghosted, she's supposed to chase after him? She's already done that and gotten a big, fat goose egg out of the guy.
OP, if you're reading this, don't do it. Preserve your dignity and be more careful about whom you sleep with next time.
Being kind to those who have let us down is lame. NOT.
This all sparked really good points of view and insights and whatnot, really appreciate it.
No update to report if you all are interested. Holiday weekend and all....sigh.
To respond to some comments: It is possible he wasn't into the sex and faked it for hours. If that is the case I thought we'd still be friends regardless. I had horrible sex with a guy I was dating but we liked each other and decided to be friends with no sex. That's worked out great.
While we were having fun we were jokingly talking about the fact we would have to do this again soon and all the time. Of course that could all be in fun, not holding him to it, but found that encouraging.
I truly never thought he'd be having issues with feelings. It sounds stupid, I'm sure. Thank you guys for reminded me that yes, men actually *do* have feelings! (sometimes :P)
We contact each other randomly all the time, it usually isn't for specific reasons, meaning he isn't even doing that so I assume it is over. I randomly contacted him as per the norm and...nothing. I guess I could have been direct "Come over now I want you" but I guess I wanted validation everything is cool?
I think I'm just sad and disappointed at this point. That and I didn't hear from anyone really over the weekend (everyone goes to the beach for Memorial Day) so it was ever more disheartening to me. Boooo.
This all sparked really good points of view and insights and whatnot, really appreciate it.
No update to report if you all are interested. Holiday weekend and all....sigh.
To respond to some comments: It is possible he wasn't into the sex and faked it for hours. If that is the case I thought we'd still be friends regardless. I had horrible sex with a guy I was dating but we liked each other and decided to be friends with no sex. That's worked out great.
While we were having fun we were jokingly talking about the fact we would have to do this again soon and all the time. Of course that could all be in fun, not holding him to it, but found that encouraging.
I truly never thought he'd be having issues with feelings. It sounds stupid, I'm sure. Thank you guys for reminded me that yes, men actually *do* have feelings! (sometimes :P)
We contact each other randomly all the time, it usually isn't for specific reasons, meaning he isn't even doing that so I assume it is over. I randomly contacted him as per the norm and...nothing. I guess I could have been direct "Come over now I want you" but I guess I wanted validation everything is cool?
I think I'm just sad and disappointed at this point. That and I didn't hear from anyone really over the weekend (everyone goes to the beach for Memorial Day) so it was ever more disheartening to me. Boooo.
Thank you for the update and yeah if no contact over the holiday weekend and your impending surgery unfortunately I think that speaks volumes.
This all sparked really good points of view and insights and whatnot, really appreciate it.
No update to report if you all are interested. Holiday weekend and all....sigh.
To respond to some comments: It is possible he wasn't into the sex and faked it for hours. If that is the case I thought we'd still be friends regardless. I had horrible sex with a guy I was dating but we liked each other and decided to be friends with no sex. That's worked out great.
While we were having fun we were jokingly talking about the fact we would have to do this again soon and all the time. Of course that could all be in fun, not holding him to it, but found that encouraging.
I truly never thought he'd be having issues with feelings. It sounds stupid, I'm sure. Thank you guys for reminded me that yes, men actually *do* have feelings! (sometimes :P)
We contact each other randomly all the time, it usually isn't for specific reasons, meaning he isn't even doing that so I assume it is over. I randomly contacted him as per the norm and...nothing. I guess I could have been direct "Come over now I want you" but I guess I wanted validation everything is cool?
I think I'm just sad and disappointed at this point. That and I didn't hear from anyone really over the weekend (everyone goes to the beach for Memorial Day) so it was ever more disheartening to me. Boooo.
I haven't really read the whole thread, but could you reinterate whether he has been active on any social media? I mean if there has been no contact at all either with you, or anyone else, or online. Maybe, something happened to him. I'm hoping not, but just be aware that it is a possibility.
Do not underestimate the patience and patheticness of [Greek letter] white knights and guys who want to be "friends" with women. There is no "friend" they all want to bang
Three years is a pretty long time for "patience"! By the OP's friend's age (late 30's), any scarcity mentality and/or desperation that drives "patience" to begin with should be long gone. He should either accept the platonic friendship what it is, or if it suddenly goes beyond that, not get weird about it.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 05-30-2017 at 10:23 AM..
He "should" do lots of things, but unfortunately he failed the most basic test of being a decent human being.
I'll say it again, someone who was a real friend and who you didn't insult/hurt/attack/abuse has no reason to treat you like this. He's dead to me! (heh). And he should be dead to you too, MagPieHere, even though I know you have feelings for him after your night together and 3 years of friendship.
All the excuses being thrown out for his behavior are B.S. OP did reach out to him, did try and contact him, and he totally ignored her. Being a caring human being means you put aside feelings of awkwardness and at least acknowledge someone's existence when they've taken the time to connect with you.
If she had hurled a bunch of insults his way the day after they were together then I'd understand his not answering back. But she didn't, and unless he died, there's no good excuse.
All the excuses being thrown out for his behavior are B.S. OP did reach out to him, did try and contact him, and he totally ignored her. Being a caring human being means you put aside feelings of awkwardness and at least acknowledge someone's existence when they've taken the time to connect with you.
"Put aside the feelings of awkwardness"... that's very well-put. Repped! Which the guy failed to do, apparently.
Oh, and my statements earlier weren't excuses, but explanations, that clinch my beliefs in not getting intimate with friends. The risk of morning awkwardness is very real, but fortunately, very preventable with just the word "no".
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 05-30-2017 at 11:30 AM..
You gave him what he wanted and he bailed afterwards. No shock.
Doubtful, if he stuck around for the years without sex even being on the table. More likely that he just got weirded out after the fact. Sone people just really don't deal well with dynamic changes.
This all sparked really good points of view and insights and whatnot, really appreciate it.
No update to report if you all are interested. Holiday weekend and all....sigh.
To respond to some comments: It is possible he wasn't into the sex and faked it for hours. If that is the case I thought we'd still be friends regardless. I had horrible sex with a guy I was dating but we liked each other and decided to be friends with no sex. That's worked out great.
While we were having fun we were jokingly talking about the fact we would have to do this again soon and all the time. Of course that could all be in fun, not holding him to it, but found that encouraging.
I truly never thought he'd be having issues with feelings. It sounds stupid, I'm sure. Thank you guys for reminded me that yes, men actually *do* have feelings! (sometimes :P)
We contact each other randomly all the time, it usually isn't for specific reasons, meaning he isn't even doing that so I assume it is over. I randomly contacted him as per the norm and...nothing. I guess I could have been direct "Come over now I want you" but I guess I wanted validation everything is cool?
I think I'm just sad and disappointed at this point. That and I didn't hear from anyone really over the weekend (everyone goes to the beach for Memorial Day) so it was ever more disheartening to me. Boooo.
You really deserve better than this. Nothing more useful to say. Hope the guy wakes up and resumes at least friendly contact, but can't make him do it.
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Which the guy failed to do, apparently.
