Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
He probably doesn't mean a "serious" girlfriend. More like a "steady" gf. That's perfectly normal and reasonable at 21. Still, so close to the graduation finish line, it might be best to put off the gf search until after getting settled into a job. I can't imagine what that would be, without some kind of other career prep, though.
He probably doesn't mean a "serious" girlfriend. More like a "steady" gf.
What is the distinction between "serious" and "steady"? Are they two different concepts entirely, or is "serious" simply a more mature/committed form of "steady"? Inquiring minds want to know. Because I always used these words interchangeably.
OP, you remind me of how I was my first year of college. I, too, wanted a "serious girlfriend". And I found one! Only I "wanted a girlfriend" so badly, that I overlooked the truly important parts of being in a relationship: attraction and compatibility. Namely, I wasn't into how she looked, and had very little in common with her. Thinking this was the norm, I stayed with her for several months, until it all fizzled out. Now, I treated her well and all, but I still got together with her for the wrong reasons. Don't make the mistakes I made. Make sure you're physically attracted to her, and make sure you have common interests.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 08-07-2017 at 02:43 PM..
Just start talking to more girls and ask them out. I wouldn't personally advise on hooking up with girls through your music gigs, unless you only play locally, or if you're only interested in casual hookups with those on the road. I always tried to steer clear of women who only wanted to hook up because I was in a band. I was never really interested in hooking up with those who were in a different city or even continent. If all you want are one night stands, which it sounds like you don't, then maybe you'd be into hooking up on the road.
I've played in bands and don't do it for a living, but I know several who do. Just for the sake of comparison here, I know one guy that was in a few bands and now he's more of a session drummer or someone who sometimes fills in on tours. He always said that he was always making calls and sending emails. Calling up friends in the business and people who work at record labels, in order to find gigs and bands that needed help. He was adamant that those who call the most looking for work/gigs, get the most gigs. It's the same thing with dating. Those who ask more people out, get the most dates.
What is the distinction between "serious" and "steady"? Are they two different concepts entirely, or is "serious" simply a more mature/committed form of "steady"? Inquiring minds want to know. Because I always used these words interchangeably.
.
Well, I don't know what people are reading into the term "serious girlfriend", but some seemed to be thinking that it could be something with marriage potential. That's premature for most people with no relationship experience. "Steady" gf means something lasting longer term than a weekend or a few weeks ; maybe something for the OP's final academic year.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 10 days ago)
35,636 posts, read 17,982,736 times
Reputation: 50677
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
Well, I don't know what people are reading into the term "serious girlfriend", but some seemed to be thinking that it could be something with marriage potential. That's premature for most people with no relationship experience. "Steady" gf means something lasting longer term than a weekend or a few weeks ; maybe something for the OP's final academic year.
I think a LOT of people who have lifelong marriages pair up in high school, so having a "serious" girlfriend at the age of 16 is fine. Chances are somewhat good they will end up with that person.
I was in a gathering of about 20 women recently, all in our mid-50's, upper middle class and more than half of us had met their husbands in high school. As did my sister. To me, that indicates they are easy to get along with, are a good partner (as are their husbands).
The whole notion of "puppy love doesn't work out", in my observation, is completely wrong.
BTW, I didn't meet my husband in high school, but we were serious by the time I was 19.
I think a LOT of people who have lifelong marriages pair up in high school, so having a "serious" girlfriend at the age of 16 is fine. Chances are somewhat good they will end up with that person.
I was in a gathering of about 20 women recently, all in our mid-50's, upper middle class and more than half of us had met their husbands in high school. As did my sister. To me, that indicates they are easy to get along with, are a good partner (as are their husbands).
The whole notion of "puppy love doesn't work out", in my observation, is completely wrong. OP, are you looking for marriage material, or more like someone to keep you company for at least the next semester or year?
BTW, I didn't meet my husband in high school, but we were serious by the time I was 19.
OK, maybe we should ask the OP what he means by "serious girlfriend".
OP, are you looking for marriage material, or more like someone you get along with, to keep you company for at least the next semester or year?
I think a LOT of people who have lifelong marriages pair up in high school, so having a "serious" girlfriend at the age of 16 is fine. Chances are somewhat good they will end up with that person.
I was in a gathering of about 20 women recently, all in our mid-50's, upper middle class and more than half of us had met their husbands in high school. As did my sister. To me, that indicates they are easy to get along with, are a good partner (as are their husbands).
The whole notion of "puppy love doesn't work out", in my observation, is completely wrong.
BTW, I didn't meet my husband in high school, but we were serious by the time I was 19.
Interesting observation.
this is just my opinion, and I don't have the evidence to prove it, but as far as long term marriages are concerned, I think the fewer partners both parties have, the better chances of it lasting a lifetime (hence why the "puppy love" thing works out). I think swinging in and out of short term relationships constantly negatively affects your ability to pair bond when you do think you found "the one". But what do I know, I'm not a psychologist. lol
its not your time anyway bud. focus on your education and launching your career. Unless youre a loser, a thug or a bad boy, you will have a hard time dating at this age. Focus on setting yourself up for the future and your hobbies. When youre in your thirties, youll have so many women you wont know which to pick
its not your time anyway bud. focus on your education and launching your career. Unless youre a loser, a thug or a bad boy, you will have a hard time dating at this age. Focus on setting yourself up for the future and your hobbies. When youre in your thirties, youll have so many women you wont know which to pick
You're not giving the OP good advice here. When he's in his 30's, women will want to be with him, no doubt. But it'll be for the wrong reasons. Instead of wanting him because they naturally desire him for sex, they'll want him because they see him a reliable provider to settle down with. And therein lies the rub. Because there is no natural desire, it won't be a strong relationship, since it's not anchored by that natural desire on the woman's part. Which means constant arguments and disagreements over trivial matters, like dishes in the sink. Which means neither he nor his partner will be happy.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Are they two different concepts entirely, or is "serious" simply a more mature/committed form of "steady"? Inquiring minds want to know. Because I always used these words interchangeably.
Only I "wanted a girlfriend" so badly, that I overlooked the truly important parts of being in a relationship: attraction and compatibility. Namely, I wasn't into how she looked, and had very little in common with her. Thinking this was the norm, I stayed with her for several months, until it all fizzled out. Now, I treated her well and all, but I still got together with her for the wrong reasons. Don't make the mistakes I made. Make sure you're physically attracted to her, and make sure you have common interests.
