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I think you should be honest, and if a person gets mad at you for your honesty, they're not a very good candidate for friendship. A guy who gets mad because you only want to be his friend and not date him, was never going to be shmoozed into being a good friend. I mean, flip the coin here, if the guy only wanted to be in a relationship with you, and he understood that you wanted friendship from him, and he played along and strung you along thinking that friendship would be fine, but he was really just trying to game you into bed the whole time, and didn't give an actual hoot about being your friend...would you like that? If you try to game them into friendship by letting them think they could have love, it's just as bad as them trying to game you into love while letting you think you could have friendship. You want different things, you can be honest about it or you can try to be shmoozy. If you are honest, and they continue under the terms of friendship, they can't get mad later at you for "wasting their time" because hey...you WERE honest...
So as soon as possible, I would tell them what you have to offer them, and what you do not. And tell them that you understand if they prefer to put energy into seeking a partner (who isn't you) rather than nurturing a friendship, but you're sorry, that is all you are down to give them. You are trying to build a social network, not a relationship right now. And then do understand if they stop giving you their time and attention, some men are goal-oriented, and only want to put focus into accomplishing a goal, if that is a relationship, then don't expect them to put energy into a friendship. Don't take it personally.
How do I get out of this with two friends instead of two guys mad at me?
Make statements like: "I'm glad we're friends", or "It's nice to make new friends, I don't have enough".
Men seem to pick up on this right away. I called someone "buddy" as in "Hiya Buddy" and it seems the light-bulb appeared, and he got the message. You can only get two friends if they're able to be just friends. If they don't want to just be friends, make sure you aren't acting suggestively or flirting.
This is my take.....from a 53 year old divorced guy:
2 types of gals.
1. Really nice woman that likes your style, but just ain't interested in a romantic venture. Not with YOU anyway. She's cool, and she has an extra ticket to the football game. She has cute friends and is comfortable introducing you to them.
2. Bats her baby blues at you whenever she wants you to do something for her. Expects you to foot the bill for dinner & drinks and you get the pleasure of her company in public. Talks about her date the other night and how much bread he shelled out. Expects you to do the same.
This is my take.....from a 53 year old divorced guy:
2 types of gals.
1. Really nice woman that likes your style, but just ain't interested in a romantic venture. Not with YOU anyway. She's cool, and she has an extra ticket to the football game. She has cute friends and is comfortable introducing you to them.
2. Bats her baby blues at you whenever she wants you to do something for her. Expects you to foot the bill for dinner & drinks and you get the pleasure of her company in public. Talks about her date the other night and how much bread he shelled out. Expects you to do the same.
I cannot argue with this.
And, 2 kinds of guys:
1. Outgoing guy who is entertained by a good conversation even if it's not driving him to the bedroom. Understands that there are possible benefits to being in a social network and having friends, besides sex/love with said friends. Knows you might have an extra ticket to the football game or a cute friend you're comfortable introducing him to. Heck, you could end up being a good personal reference for jobs, loans, or other kinds of business, or you might be just the right contact to put together a profitable opportunity one day. Sometimes life is all about who ya know. In the meantime, the conversation is better than sitting at home alone on a Friday night watching TV.
2. Guy who cannot imagine any reason to interact with "females" other than to attempt to bed them, who takes it personally and gets offended when you don't want to. He wants a relationship (whether love or just sex) far more than he cares about you as an individual, or at least that's how it seems. Would rather spend his time home alone complaining on the internet about the friend zone, than out having a pleasant evening in the company of a woman who doesn't want to get naked with him, just talking and joking and having fun. Too focused on what he isn't getting to enjoy anything else.
I'll try the "hey bud" thing next time. I called him bro but he just thought it was cute.
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If they don't want to just be friends, make sure you aren't acting suggestively or flirting.
