Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
1. Outgoing guy who is entertained by a good conversation even if it's not driving him to the bedroom. Understands that there are possible benefits to being in a social network and having friends, besides sex/love with said friends. Knows you might have an extra ticket to the football game or a cute friend you're comfortable introducing him to. Heck, you could end up being a good personal reference for jobs, loans, or other kinds of business, or you might be just the right contact to put together a profitable opportunity one day. Sometimes life is all about who ya know. In the meantime, the conversation is better than sitting at home alone on a Friday night watching TV.
2. Guy who cannot imagine any reason to interact with "females" other than to attempt to bed them, who takes it personally and gets offended when you don't want to. He wants a relationship (whether love or just sex) far more than he cares about you as an individual, or at least that's how it seems. Would rather spend his time home alone complaining on the internet about the friend zone, than out having a pleasant evening in the company of a woman who doesn't want to get naked with him, just talking and joking and having fun. Too focused on what he isn't getting to enjoy anything else.
Different people, different outlooks.
I agree pretty much 100%. I have some awesome platonic female friends that I love and I wouldn't change our relationship for anything. And it isn't transactional for social networking or whatever. We are just bros.
Although, you don't have to be guy nummer zwei to acknowledge and discuss the phenomenon that is the friendzone and the motivations behind it.
I'm just calling a spade a spade. You're literally asking the internet on how to scheme two dudes that want you into platonic friends that make you feel good about yourself. You know and I know that even if you set the boundary that nothing is going down, the admiration doesn't stop, unless they become upset about it. So you're trying to tiptoe some line to have your cake and eat it too.
This has nothing to do with sex or owing anyone anything. This about you trying to turn people's feelings for you into never ending validation without reciprocation. And I think the reciprocation is where you're trying to hang your argument and frame me as bitter, which with a lesser man could potentially work. However, I'm a little more nuanced than that. The reality is relationships are a shared experience. Validation and making others feel good about themselves should be a two way street. Purposely friend zoning people that want you, and keeping them around, is 99% of the time a validation, attention seeking funnel to one and only one person.
I think you hit the nail on the head here. Even though us guys don't want to admit it much, we do give a crap. Quite common to feel slighted when you feel that you're being taken advantage of. I'm sure women feel the same way, they just promulgate it in different terms.
Face it. We all like positive attention. Sometimes it takes the form of validation. Again, it's a two way street. Being clear about the motivation goes a long way, especially early on.
But let's be clear. As a man, ya gotta be smart about it.
I'll give ya a great example.
Hundreds of dollars spent and an all day date. 12 hours of time together. Had fun. Did cool things.
One week later and she calls you about the dinner date she had with another man.
Take the hint, brother...you've been friend zoned. Don't hate her for that, but when she invites her brother over to your house to partake in your good cookin' and hospitality.....politely decline. You're busy.
I'm just calling a spade a spade. You're literally asking the internet on how to scheme two dudes that want you into platonic friends that make you feel good about yourself. You know and I know that even if you set the boundary that nothing is going down, the admiration doesn't stop, unless they become upset about it. So you're trying to tiptoe some line to have your cake and eat it too.
This has nothing to do with sex or owing anyone anything. This about you trying to turn people's feelings for you into never ending validation without reciprocation. And I think the reciprocation is where you're trying to hang your argument and frame me as bitter, which with a lesser man could potentially work. However, I'm a little more nuanced than that. The reality is relationships are a shared experience. Validation and making others feel good about themselves should be a two way street. Purposely friend zoning people that want you, and keeping them around, is 99% of the time a validation, attention seeking funnel to one and only one person.
There's some truth to all of this. I ended up having to take a step back from a really close female friendship that tiptoed around friendship and something more. We were spending a good amount of one on one time together and texting fairly frequently. In the beginning I was looking to spend some time with a woman, because at the time I wasn't interested in dating. As the months went on, I ultimately started to develop feelings for my best female friend. It wasn't on purpose either, I just started seeing her as more than friends, and we weren't anything close to strictly platonic.
I ended up sharing my feelings and she wanted to keep it just as friends. The issue for me was that she wanted to keep the hanging out and sex on the table, yet still disregard that my feelings for her were more than just friends. I don't fault her for it, but she liked the validation and it made dating easier for her and for a while it made it easier for me too. I wasn't trying to date at the time, but I still enjoyed a woman's company and touch.
I definitely believe that men and women can be friends with each other, but when someone's feelings change, it changes the dynamic of that friendship. I experienced it myself and went into it with full intention of not falling for my friend. Sometimes when you spend time with someone, you see them in a different light. For these guys, there's likely nothing for them to gain to stay in a platonic friendship with a woman that they would consider dating. Likely, at the same time, she's not going to be trying to set them up with her friends as well, so it's a losing proposition for them. Likely, once she meets the guy that she wants to be with, those new friends are out the door.
I usually ignore and avoid and they go away. Only been successful friendzoning a guy when I had a bf.
I can't speak for every guy, but that's the most likely outcome in this scenario as well. There is an opportunity cost when you hang out with a girl that meets whatever characteristics you're looking, dependent on whatever your intentions are, yet she's not interested in the same thing.
I'm sure you're a great person to hang around, but if you're attractive or even sexy, it's going to be very difficult for you to meet guys that are "friends." This is especially true if you talk about other guys around them. I personally would not put myself in that situation.
I suppose you could make friends with someone that's already in a relationship, but it's unlikely that their significant other would be okay with somebody attractive hanging out with their other side. And even then, the guy in the relationship might still want you. He might be looking for something on the side.
That's just a part of life. I suppose you could make yourself unattractive. You could probably gain a lot of friends that way. By the way, since I recognize you from another thread, did you ever take care of your sciatica? I hope you considered my advice. If not, there are other ways to resolve it, but it involves improving your rotational flexibility from a strength based perspective and in general just removing the knots from your hips, shoulders and neck, so you can move with fluidity, grace, and perhaps most importantly, without pain.
1. Really nice woman that likes your style, but just ain't interested in a romantic venture. Not with YOU anyway. She's cool, and she has an extra ticket to the football game. She has cute friends and is comfortable introducing you to them.
2. Bats her baby blues at you whenever she wants you to do something for her. Expects you to foot the bill for dinner & drinks and you get the pleasure of her company in public. Talks about her date the other night and how much bread he shelled out. Expects you to do the same.
That's an excellent distinction.
While male/female friendships get a bad rep, especially in the Material We Do Not Speak Of , they do exist, and they can be genuine. I (male) myself have a female friend, and she's been nothing but a good friend to me the whole time I knew her. While she's not a football fan (neither am I), she's great at finding stuff, like cool ethnic festivals, discounted minor league baseball tickets, and locals band performances. But that's not the main reason I like having her as friend. The main reasons would be that she makes time for me and respects my "no-go" boundaries (like certain conversation topics).
Neither of us are in a place where we can accommodate a relationship in our lives. I realize that may change down the road, and chances are, she'll get into a relationship before I will. Which will put a massive damper on the friendship, I'm sure. (Although I hope not.) But I'll enjoy what we have while it lasts. So it the friend zone? Doesn't feel like it.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 08-29-2017 at 07:23 AM..
I'm just calling a spade a spade. You're literally asking the internet on how to scheme two dudes that want you into platonic friends that make you feel good about yourself. You know and I know that even if you set the boundary that nothing is going down, the admiration doesn't stop, unless they become upset about it. So you're trying to tiptoe some line to have your cake and eat it too.
This has nothing to do with sex or owing anyone anything. This about you trying to turn people's feelings for you into never ending validation without reciprocation. And I think the reciprocation is where you're trying to hang your argument and frame me as bitter, which with a lesser man could potentially work. However, I'm a little more nuanced than that. The reality is relationships are a shared experience. Validation and making others feel good about themselves should be a two way street. Purposely friend zoning people that want you, and keeping them around, is 99% of the time a validation, attention seeking funnel to one and only one person.
Excuse me??? "Scheme"??? What am I scheming? I'm not getting anything out of this. I won't even let them buy me drinks. I pay for my own things and I never text them first. Look, I get enough attention. I actually wanted less from them and wanted to talk to other people at the party but it's not my fault they like talking to me. You're making a lot of assumptions here. Don't you know friendship is a two way street? I have a lot to offer as a friend and as a person, more than my V. Yes, I made that other thread a while ago but the other guy has come to terms with being one of my BFFs now. He still talks about when he used to be in love with me but he understands that it will never happen. He still likes talking to me, and get this... believe it or not we're actually good friends. I put in my part of being a great friend and helped him when he had problems and he listens to me when I need to talk to someone. You don't need to be stereotyping about me "getting attention" from people and "giving nothing back". Complete BS. I also broke up with someone I didn't think was right for me but they choose to still talk to me about some things we have in common. I have no intentions of stringing anyone along.
I can't speak for every guy, but that's the most likely outcome in this scenario as well. There is an opportunity cost when you hang out with a girl that meets whatever characteristics you're looking, dependent on whatever your intentions are, yet she's not interested in the same thing.
I'm sure you're a great person to hang around, but if you're attractive or even sexy, it's going to be very difficult for you to meet guys that are "friends." This is especially true if you talk about other guys around them. I personally would not put myself in that situation.
I suppose you could make friends with someone that's already in a relationship, but it's unlikely that their significant other would be okay with somebody attractive hanging out with their other side. And even then, the guy in the relationship might still want you. He might be looking for something on the side.
That's just a part of life. I suppose you could make yourself unattractive. You could probably gain a lot of friends that way. By the way, since I recognize you from another thread, did you ever take care of your sciatica? I hope you considered my advice. If not, there are other ways to resolve it, but it involves improving your rotational flexibility from a strength based perspective and in general just removing the knots from your hips, shoulders and neck, so you can move with fluidity, grace, and perhaps most importantly, without pain.
I would happily set them up with any other attractive female. The thing is I don't have a lot of friends since I'm new to this area. I actually went to that meetup to make female friends.
Thanks for asking. I took the entire month off from the gym and only feel the sciatica slightly now. I don't remember your exact advice but I saw some videos on stretching for sciatica and have been going to acupuncture and getting cupping. I wake up every morning doing some stretching and neck rolling, using a fibromyalgia cream and have been feeling a lot better. I think if I keep going to acupuncture for a few more weeks I might be able to get back into the gym in a month or two.
Excuse me??? "Scheme"??? What am I scheming? I'm not getting anything out of this. I won't even let them buy me drinks. I pay for my own things and I never text them first. Look, I get enough attention. I actually wanted less from them and wanted to talk to other people at the party but it's not my fault they like talking to me. You're making a lot of assumptions here. Don't you know friendship is a two way street? I have a lot to offer as a friend and as a person, more than my V. Yes, I made that other thread a while ago but the other guy has come to terms with being one of my BFFs now. He still talks about when he used to be in love with me but he understands that it will never happen. He still likes talking to me, and get this... believe it or not we're actually good friends. I put in my part of being a great friend and helped him when he had problems and he listens to me when I need to talk to someone. You don't need to be stereotyping about me "getting attention" from people and "giving nothing back". Complete BS. I also broke up with someone I didn't think was right for me but they choose to still talk to me about some things we have in common. I have no intentions of stringing anyone along.
You're scheming for attention, and positioning yourself for orbiters, LOl.
I would happily set them up with any other attractive female. The thing is I don't have a lot of friends since I'm new to this area. I actually went to that meetup to make female friends.
Thanks for asking. I took the entire month off from the gym and only feel the sciatica slightly now. I don't remember your exact advice but I saw some videos on stretching for sciatica and have been going to acupuncture and getting cupping. I wake up every morning doing some stretching and neck rolling, using a fibromyalgia cream and have been feeling a lot better. I think if I keep going to acupuncture for a few more weeks I might be able to get back into the gym in a month or two.
I mentioned something called prolotherapy and perineural injection therapy. Unfortunately, it's not covered by insurance, but I had a collection of injuries that I pretty much resolved completely through a combination of prolotherapy, PIT, and various mobility and flexibility training.
Honestly, the best I found for a strength based mobility and flexibility training is Flexible Steel which can be purchased on Amazon. The mobility drills are based on Amasov's work, which essentially stated that movement was necessary to get synovial fluid into your joints in order to heal and nourish them.
It sounds like we've had some similar issues, so really consider my advice. If you need advice on a specific doctor and how much you should anticipate spending if you decide to go through with it and get completely healed, just let me know. A lot of pro athletes get these relatively non-invasive procedures done, so it's sort of a travesty that it's not covered by insurance, but that's just the reality we live in.
I'm not sure what type of cream you use, but depending on what state you live in, you may want to consider using a high CBD strain and making oil out of it. There is evidence that suggest it can assist in healing, particularly when it comes to nerves. Like I said, I have a lot of experience in the realm of health and fitness and I take it very seriously, so anything I can do to help people become the best versions of themselves, I'm good with, unless of course they show signs of a bully mentality.
Hopefully, you're not a bully.
Last edited by Jobster; 08-29-2017 at 09:05 AM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
, they do exist, and they can be genuine. I (male) myself have a female friend, and she's been nothing but a good friend to me the whole time I knew her. While she's not a football fan (neither am I), she's great at finding stuff, like cool ethnic festivals, discounted minor league baseball tickets, and locals band performances. But that's not the main reason I like having her as friend. The main reasons would be that she makes time for me and respects my "no-go" boundaries (like certain conversation topics).
