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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew
This just happened to me. He is still just as awesome to hang out with as he was before I expressed interest in him. He is not interested. Oh. Ok. In fact, I don't want someone who is not enthused about me. But they are still awesome, and I am still going to hang.
Of course. One can never have too many cool friends that care about you.
MU, I was very clear that the case I would take a hard line stance like this ONLY if I was clear in romantic intent towards a woman and she rejected me.
Your situation would be different because you don't have romantic intent.
That's true. I must have misread that part.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
If someone didn't want to be buddies with me just because I didn't want to get down with them, it's a pretty huge sign they don't really like me at all. If they liked me as a person, and liked talking and hanging, the not having sex/being romantic wouldn't a big deal at all.
I once harbored a "dating or nothing" dichotomy. I don't feel like I lost out on much, by turning down the women who offered to be friends in lieu of dating me, because they didn't really stand out personality-wise. Today, I'm more flexible, and often enjoy the vibe of mixed company. But I'm sure that has a lot to do with me not wanting a relationship of any kind.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,989,150 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist
I once harbored a "dating or nothing" dichotomy. I don't feel like I lost out on much, by turning down the women who offered to be friends in lieu of dating me, because they didn't really stand out personality-wise. Today, I'm more flexible, and often enjoy the vibe of mixed company. But I'm sure that has a lot to do with me not wanting a relationship of any kind.
Where I'm at a loss is then why did you want to date them at all?
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,758,476 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew
This just happened to me. He is still just as awesome to hang out with as he was before I expressed interest in him. He is not interested. Oh. Ok. In fact, I don't want someone who is not enthused about me. But they are still awesome, and I am still going to hang.
Being fair, if they were interested in me and I rejected them, I'd probably not hang out with them any further. Ive done it in the past. Just far too awkward to continue anything.
If someone didn't want to be buddies with me just because I didn't want to get down with them, it's a pretty huge sign they don't really like me at all. If they liked me as a person, and liked talking and hanging, the not having sex/being romantic wouldn't a big deal at all.
It doesn't mean they don't really like you. In a lot of cases (or most), it's because it'd be awkward and disappointing just hanging around you as friends only, when they like you more than that. The friendship wouldn't be genuine in that case because they'd probably still secretly try to get with you.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,989,150 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewYorker11356
It doesn't mean they don't really like you. In a lot of cases (or most), it's because it'd be awkward and disappointing just hanging around you as friends only, when they like you more than that. The friendship wouldn't be genuine in that case because they'd probably still secretly try to get with you.
Eh, I can see this when kids, but I think most people grow past not being able to accept that the other person isn't interested and moving on just fine as adults. And very few people seem to want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with them.
They're not interested, that's fine, they're still cool and fun and nice and fun to hang out with, and there are loads of other people to go out with that may be interested in more. No biggie.
This just happened to me. He is still just as awesome to hang out with as he was before I expressed interest in him. He is not interested. Oh. Ok. In fact, I don't want someone who is not enthused about me. But they are still awesome, and I am still going to hang.
From the initial standpoint of meeting someone, making a female friend works well. It also just depends on what the other person is expecting as well. I'd argue that I've met more women in the last year that weren't interested in an opposite sex friendship than vice versa. I went on a date a couple of weeks ago where the woman was adamant that she's not looking for male friends from online dating. A woman asked me out to drinks last year and I said sure, we can go as friends. Her response was that she wasn't interested in anymore friends. Sometimes it truly just depends on where that person is emotionally in their life.
I recently lost a really good female friend, but it was due to my feelings changing romantically towards her, which I wasn't expecting at all. Sometimes it happens. However, from the early stage of meeting someone, if we state to be friends and actually follow through with spending time together and chatting, it can't be a bad thing for either party.
Last edited by weezerfan84; 08-30-2017 at 12:24 PM..
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,758,476 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by weezerfan84
From the initial standpoint of meeting someone, making a female friend works well. It also just depends on what the other person is expecting as well. I'd argue that I've met more women in the last year that weren't interested in an opposite friendship than vice versa. I went on a date a couple of weeks ago where the woman was adamant that she's not looking for male friends from online dating. A woman asked me out to drinks last year and I said sure, we can go as friends. Her response was that she wasn't interested in anymore friends. Sometimes it truly just depends on where that person is emotionally in their life.
I recently lost a really good female friend, but it was due to my feelings changed romantically towards her, which I wasn't expecting at all. Sometimes it happens. However, from the early stage of meeting someone, if we state to be friends and actually follow through with spending time together and chatting, it can't be a bad thing for either party.
I don't get that concept. When I'm on OLD, I think it should be obvious that my intent is romantic and only romantic. If I want more friends, I'd go to Meetup not Tinder or POF.
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Tinder or POF.
