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I don't get that concept. When I'm on OLD, I think it should be obvious that my intent is romantic and only romantic. If I want more friends, I'd go to Meetup not Tinder or POF.
Very true. The platform does make a difference. A Meetup woman vs. an OKCupid woman wanting to be platonic friends are like night and day.
One caveat I will mention with regard to opposite sex friends... Depending on the sort of person they are, their overall social behavior, and what kind of person they get involved with, it's always possible that one day they'll find a partner who won't feel comfortable with your friendship. Even if you were happy and good with the friendship to that point, sometimes that can sting. Not only have they chosen someone else (which is maybe an issue for you, maybe not) but now that person doesn't want you in their partner's life. I personally believe that the right thing to do then is to back off. It's what I've done in the past, but always with twinges of sadness or mild bitterness.
On the other hand, I've also found friendship with friends' new partners sometimes too. It just depends on if they are comfortable with their partner's social life. I've known people who wanted to go do all sorts of group social stuff as a couple, and I've known plenty of people where one or both seem to expect or want to just become shut ins and take a weird "us against the world, no one else" mentality. And the many who feel simply threatened by their partner having friends of the opposite sex.
So in being friends with people that you potentially could have dated...does come with an uncertain future for the friendship. I can accept that, but maybe not everyone would.
One caveat I will mention with regard to opposite sex friends... <snip>
Heck, I had same-sex friends pretty much toss me aside the minute they got into serious relationships. They won't even go to the gym with me anymore; forget bars! That's after being friends since high school. So no friendship is really "permanent". In which case, it's best to just enjoy the friendship while it lasts, and not worry too much, while keeping the possibility of it ending in perspective. After all, friendship is friendship; the only difference is that guy/girl friends have to use different locker rooms when going swimming together.
I once harbored a "dating or nothing" dichotomy. I don't feel like I lost out on much, by turning down the women who offered to be friends in lieu of dating me, because they didn't really stand out personality-wise.
You wanted to date people who did not stand out personality-wise? I wonder why they did not want to date you?!?
Just tell them the truth and all the bull****ting and confusing one another stops.
Say "just so you understand I am only interested in being friends with you"
You don't get to dictate what others want, so stop trying to protect what's only best for you and let everyone in on what the intentions are here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GKelly
Someone sounds bitter. You make sex sound like a chore. I don't owe anybody anything.
You owe them the courtesy of knowing whether or not they are wasting their time with you given their own intentions are not purely plutonic.
You are fully aware of intentions here and are trying to find ways around your own becoming fully known to them. Doing so would run the risk of changing the whole purpose and dynamic between yourself and these people.
The issue here isn't that friendships can bloom out of failed romances, it's that you're aware of everything and choosing to keep intentions hidden to protect your own agenda and receive what you want.
It's manipulative, You're using these people.
Last edited by rego00123; 08-30-2017 at 01:39 PM..
You pretty much need to tell them because right now they're thirsty orbiters. If you don't and you let it go on it makes you come across as the type that needs the attention or something.
Especially when the 2 guys know each other that's a pretty weird situation in a way. I mean what do you want them to do joust over you or challenge each other to a duel or something. Good grief.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew
Yes. This. It's the fact that just getting rejected for the very early stages of dating causing anguish that is the less than a perfectly mentally healthy thing.
The not being around them wards off the anguish. That is the point.
Just tell them the truth and all the bull****ting and confusing one another stops.
Say "just so you understand I am only interested in being friends with you"
You don't get to dictate what others want, so stop trying to protect what's only best for you and let everyone in on what the intentions are here.
You owe them the courtesy of knowing whether or not they are wasting their time with you given their own intentions are not purely plutonic.
You are fully aware of intentions here and are trying to find ways around your own becoming fully known to them. Doing so would run the risk of changing the whole purpose and dynamic between yourself and these people.
The issue here isn't that friendships can bloom out of failed romances, it's that you're aware of everything and choosing to keep intentions hidden to protect your own agenda and receive what you want.
It's manipulative, You're using these people.
Like someone else mentioned here, if you want friends, you go to a meetup. I met them at a meetup, not a dating app. They have not come right out to ask me on a date. I don't owe them anything. Especially not saying "I will not date you" if no date has been asked for. I only speculated that they like me based on their actions. Wish you would stop making this about you.
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Tinder or POF.
You wanted to date people who did not stand out personality-wise? I wonder why they did not want to date you?!?
