Shouldn't relationships be easy? (dating, wife, how to, marriage)
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Its a common statement that "relationships are hard work" and you need to work at them to make them last and thrive.
But should they be hard work? Why?
My relationships with friends are not hard work. My family relationships are not hard work.
Why should my romantic relationships be hard work?
I'm of the opinion that a relationship is only "hard work" for one of four reasons:
1. You are not compatible or on the same page with that person
2. You are in the relationship for the wrong reasons
3. One or both of you are into games, power plays and/or manipulation
4. One or both of you is insecure
There are other considerations.
Relationships can be hard work even for stable, compatible people in the sense that in order for them to succeed you have to work against your human nature and NOT put yourself first all the time.
You have to consider another person when making decisions, and over time many people forget that.
Because people have to learn how to live together. People have a very easy time doing things that they want and like to do, but not so much when it is someone else that wants and likes to do it.
Do you trust your friends? Most of us would answer, "Of course, not!" or "To a point, yes I do." You have to learn to trust the person you are in a relationship with. When casually dating, trust isn't all that important. When it comes to exclusivity, and blending assets, trust is very important.
Most people have a hard time talking. They have a hard time honestly expressing themselves. Optimally, you will learn to simply look at your mate to know what they are thinking or feeling.
It's hard work not to simply get bogged down in a rut. It's hard work to be working on a career, and also working on not taking your SO for granted.
Simply put, does anything worthwhile come easily? No. You have to work.
Well, when you live together you're having to unlearn the "living for myself" mentality and adjust to a new dynamic. I expect more from my romantic partnerships, because there is simply far more involved and "parts" that make it function cohesively. There's a deeper connection and vulnerability, which necessitates a certain level of trust.
And, I do have a high standard for friendships and relationships with kin. If we're not compatible as friends or if the relationship is toxic or there are things that just do not work, I sever ties, so they are no longer "hard" to maintain because I do not expend energy maintaining relationships or friendships that don't work.
In any case, I've never considered my marriage hard work. We work extremely well together, so it functions and feels effortless, and there are many factors that contribute to this. We both went in knowing what we wanted, across multiple areas, many that are often overlooked until it's too late. Even with a gaggle of kids, normal ups and downs of everyday life, struggles, losing loved ones, we've got each other's back. We engage each other and enjoy interacting and know how to communicate effectively.
Simply put, does anything worthwhile come easily? No. You have to work.
While that is a very popular saying, its factually false.
A lot of worthwhile things come easy. Just depends on the situation.
At the same time, a lot of very difficult things are not worthwhile.
While relationships should not be completely free of challenge (that would make them boring) they should not be extremely difficult either. I think healthy relationships are generally easy with a moderate level of challenge that pops up on occasion.
There's all types of factors that come into play. Both my husband and I work at our marriage, and it requires tending. While we do not have any of the major problems, we are both strong willed, independent and used to doing things our own way. That can make for a lot of compromises on both parts. I definitely think it's worth it.
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In any case, I've never considered my marriage hard work. We work extremely well together, so it functions and feels effortless, and there are many factors that contribute to this. We both went in knowing what we wanted, across multiple areas, many that are often overlooked until it's too late. Even with a gaggle of kids, normal ups and downs of everyday life, struggles, losing loved ones, we've got each other's back. We engage each other and enjoy interacting and know how to communicate effectively.
This is how it should be.
Which is why I think if a relationship feels "hard" its the wrong relationship.
Its a common statement that "relationships are hard work" and you need to work at them to make them last and thrive.
But should they be hard work? Why?
My relationships with friends are not hard work. My family relationships are not hard work.
Why should my romantic relationships be hard work?
I'm of the opinion that a relationship is only "hard work" for one of four reasons:
1. You are not compatible or on the same page with that person
2. You are in the relationship for the wrong reasons
3. One or both of you are into games, power plays and/or manipulation
4. One or both of you is insecure
One of the interesting things about relationships is that they help you grow. Relationships often reveal certain things about yourself that you are not comfortable with.
People who go into relationships seeking easy and smooth sailing are going to be the ones that are overwhelmed.
Some of the people who are more seasoned when it comes to relationships are going to find it a little more worthwhile.
While that is a very popular saying, its factually false.
A lot of worthwhile things come easy. Just depends on the situation.
At the same time, a lot of very difficult things are not worthwhile.
While relationships should not be completely free of challenge (that would make them boring) they should not be extremely difficult either. I think healthy relationships are generally easy with a moderate level of challenge that pops up on occasion.
Its not false, sorry to disagree. A lot of people take what comes to them easily for granted, which is never more apparent than when you are in a relationship. There are real moments and milestones in relationships that happen because someone wakes up one day feeling taken for granted. One of them is known as "The Seven Year Itch". Sometimes you will hear that so-and-so is going through a "mid life crisis" in their relationship. Both are very real experiences that the couple weathers through or falls apart when it happens.
Over time, we cant help but take our SO for granted sometimes. It happens even in the very best of relationships. The wife ignores the husband because of the kids, and vice versa. Someone focuses on themselves all the time due to an illness, and even when the illness is healed, etc etc etc...
While that is a very popular saying, its factually false.
A lot of worthwhile things come easy. Just depends on the situation.
At the same time, a lot of very difficult things are not worthwhile.
While relationships should not be completely free of challenge (that would make them boring) they should not be extremely difficult either. I think healthy relationships are generally easy with a moderate level of challenge that pops up on occasion.
It does depend on what you consider worthwhile.
Starting a business can be hard depending on you and your business.
I can see that in the bolded. Healthy relationships can be like that. As long as people are on the same page.
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