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My grandparents spent the 1950s working (yep, grandma, too...no June Cleaver), and in their leisure time, participating in league bowling together with other couples from their neighborhood and work.I guess they never got the memo that they weren't supposed to be doing things together.
I think you have a fairly cliche-informed view of the past.
So just because your Grandparents deviated from what MillennialUrbanist said.. that makes him wrong?
There's my past, and there's America's past. I was born in early 1980's, and the worst of my parents' fighting happening in 1990's and 2000's. That's long, long after the 1950's. Also, there's a BIG difference between a polite but firm "heads up, I'm going out" vs. what I imagine all couples to be like.
As for the couples who are attached at the hip and never do things separately (other than work), that's my friends and their wives. They're in mid 30's, like me. While my home life planted the seeds, seeing my friends' relationships unfold was the last straw, as far as not wanting to marry is concerned.
*What you imagine* - yes, exactly.
And if couples married in the 50s were so happy why did they jump ship in scary numbers once no fault became accessible? “Happy” people don’t blow everything up like that on a whim or for a trend. You have to know these people were holding stuff in for a seriously long time.
I told you what I think is probably going on with your friends. They are so over your misery and your horrible take on something they value, but they don’t want a confrontation so they use one another as an excuse not to hang out with you. I think they just can’t stand hearing it anymore. But they don’t want to hurt your feelings, so...
And if couples married in the 50s were so happy why did they jump ship in scary numbers once no fault became accessible? “Happy” people don’t blow everything up like that on a whim or for a trend. You have to know these people were holding stuff in for a seriously long time.
I told you what I think is probably going on with your friends. They are so over your misery and your horrible take on something they value, but they don’t want a confrontation so they use one another as an excuse not to hang out with you. I think they just can’t stand hearing it anymore. But they don’t want to hurt your feelings, so...
Most couples are dysfunctional and not in love.
They don't like being around people who see through their "we're so happy" facade.
So just because your Grandparents deviated from what MillennialUrbanist said.. that makes him wrong?
Weak argument.
No, actually, real people’s actual experiences v. a cliche Leave it to Beaver fantasy of bliss is not “weak,” it is one of man, many, many very real stories of actual life.
No, actually, real people’s actual experiences v. a cliche Leave it to Beaver fantasy of bliss is not “weak,” it is one of man, many, many very real stories of actual life.
Sure.
But it only applies to those two people. You can't make them a blanket example for an entire generation like TabulaRasa tried to do.
You are talking about lots of other stuff that is not even related.
It really should not be this complex. That's part of the problem.
No. I'm saying that relationships need to be sync.. that takes a bit of work and effort.. but hopefully well worth it. You can't read your spouse's mind and communication (ie keeping in sync) is important to keep things like respect, expectation, boundaries. If you are remain single, you don't have anyone to answer to but yourself.
You are the one that says that's unrealistic. I'm saying otherwise. People accomplish this every day.
No. I'm saying that relationships need to be sync.. that takes a bit of work and effort.. but hopefully well worth it. You can't read your spouse's mind and communication (ie keeping in sync) is important to keep things like respect, expectation, boundaries. If you are remain single, you don't have anyone to answer to but yourself.
You are the one that says that's unrealistic. I'm saying otherwise. People accomplish this every day.
Nope. That is not what having your lives fully "in sync" even means.
You are talking basic human social skills 101. I'm talking about "living in sync". Two different things.
Nope. That is not what having your lives fully "in sync" even means.
You are talking basic human social skills 101. I'm talking about "living in sync". Two different things.
Do a search in this thread for the term "sync". You'll find that the first person to mention it is me. It is you that redefined what it means to you.
You asked a question. I answered it... basic human social skills 101 is just the beginning of why relationships do require some effort. Friends and family have no vested interest in a romantic relationship with you. They can walk away and live their own lives sans your presence, desires, wants, wishes.. ignoring your expectations and boundaries.
Perhaps you should review your responses to my posts. I said that relationships require effort to keeps things in sync. You questioned why do things need to be in sync. I answered. You said it was unrealistic. I disagreed and now you want to talk about "living in sync"... which I presume means living attached at the hip. I already said that isn't what I implied. Now you are saying that you are talking about "sync" (your definition of it) and that what I'm talking about is irrelevant...
I'm saying that all of that is relevant to relationships... communication, compromise, expectations and boundaries are core to relationships and require effort... sometimes encountering challenges. If you don't agree than fine... why even ask start a thread if even not open to discussion.
They don't like being around people who see through their "we're so happy" facade.
Hey, now. I never insinuated that my friends were unhappy. I only said their relationships looked and felt overly "wholesome" (for the lack of a better term), and involved being joined at the hip way too much.
I caught heat for saying "wholesome" before, so allow me to clarify. In my posts, it's a shorthand for "fully compliant with society's norms and morals, while lacking excitement and edginess".
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 04-03-2018 at 09:34 PM..
Do a search in this thread for the term "sync". You'll find that the first person to mention it is me. It is you that redefined what it means to you.
You asked a question. I answered it... basic human social skills 101 is just the beginning of why relationships do require some effort. Friends and family have no vested interest in a romantic relationship with you. They can walk away and live their own lives sans your presence, desires, wants, wishes.. ignoring your expectations and boundaries.
Perhaps you should review your responses to my posts. I said that relationships require effort to keeps things in sync. You questioned why do things need to be in sync. I answered. You said it was unrealistic. I disagreed and now you want to talk about "living in sync"... which I presume means living attached at the hip. I already said that isn't what I implied. Now you are saying that you are talking about "sync" (your definition of it) and that what I'm talking about is irrelevant...
I'm saying that all of that is relevant to relationships... communication, compromise, expectations and boundaries are core to relationships and require effort... sometimes encountering challenges. If you don't agree than fine... why even ask start a thread if even not open to discussion.
Amazing recovery.
Agree.
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