Shouldn't relationships be easy? (date, man, loyalty, kiss)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Hey, now. I never insinuated that my friends were unhappy. I only said their relationships looked and felt overly "wholesome" (for the lack of a better term), and involved being joined at the hip way too much.
I caught heat for saying "wholesome" before, so allow me to clarify. In my posts, it's a shorthand for "fully compliant with society's norms and morals, while lacking excitement and edginess".
All the more reason why if they are unhappy, they will try their best to hide it.
Well, I meant that the 1950's couples had the option to go do things separately, without being looked down upon or asking their spouse's permission. Like in my examples with the Elks Lodge and the knitting circle. I never insinuated that men's and women's hobbies were as separate as public restrooms. With that said, today, it seems like couples are required to be joined at the hip at all times, excluding work.
Oh, for Christ's sake...you still have the option to do things separately.
You just didn't, because you were in a terrible relationship. Why extrapolate that everyone else is, as well?
But it only applies to those two people. You can't make them a blanket example for an entire generation like TabulaRasa tried to do.
Er, no. LOL.
I spoke SPECIFICALLY about ONE single couple. I think you'll find that the post to which I was replying was actually the one making sweeping generations about an entire generation.
Hey, now. I never insinuated that my friends were unhappy. I only said their relationships looked and felt overly "wholesome" (for the lack of a better term), and involved being joined at the hip way too much.
I caught heat for saying "wholesome" before, so allow me to clarify. In my posts, it's a shorthand for "fully compliant with society's norms and morals, while lacking excitement and edginess".
Uh, your continuous insistence that life should be like the 50s is the very definition of wholesome...so apparently you LIKE, indeed literally pine for wholesome.
I see no edginess or excitement in your posts that constantly wax wistfully about the appropriatness of Elks Clubs, knitting circles (knitting circles???) and so on. And that's fine if you like those things, but then snarking about conformity and wholesomeness in light of what you wish for in society is just...uh...?
There is another type of non-easy (probably several ones, but I run into this one often enough). They aren't fighting, but they thrive on discussing important issues, intense issues, issues that are deeply emotional. Conversations with them are never lighthearted, it is just not how they are wired. There is a realness, and an intensity, and the conversations aren't "easy" because the issues aren't easy.
This is a wonderful observation.
I try not to be that guy, but sometimes I am. I can be cracking jokes and taking things lightly, when suddenly a comment is made that fails (at least in my purview) to consider another side -- and I'm almost compelled to discuss it.
Nothing about it is ill-intended, but yes, an intensity exists.
It's a thing I'm trying to work on, because I've learned that a process that feels instantaneous for me, and thus "easy," isn't that way for everyone. Correlations I've drawn are tedious, or even difficult for some people -- not that they're stupid, or even less intelligent; simply that our minds don't work the same way.
I'm really glad you posted this. Good food for thought.
I spoke SPECIFICALLY about ONE single couple. I think you'll find that the post to which I was replying was actually the one making sweeping generations about an entire generation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
However, UM DID make a blanket statement, literally saying it was about an entire generation; you said it was TR's response to that, that was weak.
When people make generalizations like MillennialUrbanist did... do you really believe they literally mean every single person in that group or do you believe they mean the majority of people?
I try not to be that guy, but sometimes I am. I can be cracking jokes and taking things lightly, when suddenly a comment is made that fails (at least in my purview) to consider another side -- and I'm almost compelled to discuss it.
Relationships are hard work. After. 25 years with my husband we have had many ups and downs. If you are in it for the long term, you have to work through the hard times when your spouse is driving you up the wall to get to the other side.
I don’t have a single friend who has been in a marriage long term who has said it’s easy. Life changes, working through it with someone can help lift you up. It can also be hard as hell. If you jump ship when you aren’t happy you will never last.
I see no edginess or excitement in your posts that constantly wax wistfully about the appropriatness of Elks Clubs, knitting circles (knitting circles???) and so on. And that's fine if you like those things, but then snarking about conformity and wholesomeness in light of what you wish for in society is just...uh...?
I see what you mean. The 50's were indeed a "wholesome" time in our society. Heck, Cards Against Humanity didn't exist, and would be considered highly scandalous if it did. But still, in the 50's, spouses weren't required to be joined at the hip at all times. Social networks of friends and neighbors (not social media networks) were strong, as opposed making your spouse your be-all and end-all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by veuvegirl
Relationships are hard work. After. 25 years with my husband we have had many ups and downs. If you are in it for the long term, you have to work through the hard times when your spouse is driving you up the wall to get to the other side.
I don’t have a single friend who has been in a marriage long term who has said it’s easy. Life changes, working through it with someone can help lift you up. It can also be hard as hell. If you jump ship when you aren’t happy you will never last.
Meh. I don't really expect my wife to support me or "lift me up". It's like playing chess and expecting your opponent to help you with your game. Like I mentioned earlier, I see marriage as a proverbial chess game, and I'm always thinking ahead, to avoid getting checkmated.
Speaking of which, if relationships are indeed "hard" (for which partner? ), why do people even bother with them? Work is hard. Financial planning is hard. Why do people complicate their lives even further? Are we masochists or just scared of going against the norm?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
