Shouldn't relationships be easy? (marry, dance, older, friends)
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If I thought they were easy I wouldn't go out of my way to avoid them. Life is complicated and people are complicated. Put 'em together and you have whole worlds of potential awkwardness I prefer to keep well away from.
There's two huge factors in the question and that's what makes it so hard.To me anyway.
One is love , for anyone that's ever been truly in love, most people will be lucky to truly find that, the real , once or twice in a life time. l actually believe not that many people even find it once.
But , when you do , you do , it might not fit your ideas , they might be totally opposite, you don't get a say in who you truly fall in love with in my experience but when you have there's just no other way.
But it may not necessarily be easy and smooth.
So what do ya do , walk away from that true love , find someone that's not true love but it's all so easy and hassle free, where will that one be in 40yrs time. ?
The second thing is , the only ones that can really answer the question are people that've been happily married well mostly , 30 or 40 yrs.
So has it been easy , are you still in love with your w or h. ?
It doesn't matter how all nice and smooth someones 2 or 3 out of 10 so called relationships were, the best ones. They weren't real relationships, they never even became life , 2 or 3 yrs is not life. And they didn't even work out for whatever reason either anyway.
If they did , where would they be in a real life, 20 , 30, or 40yrs.?
How much work would they have really turned into with kids and mortgages and money hassles and real world.?
You can't know because they didn't even make it through the honeymoon anyway.
We need long long term married people to really answer this .
Its a common statement that "relationships are hard work" and you need to work at them to make them last and thrive.
But should they be hard work? Why?
My relationships with friends are not hard work. My family relationships are not hard work.
Why should my romantic relationships be hard work?
I'm of the opinion that a relationship is only "hard work" for one of four reasons:
1. You are not compatible or on the same page with that person
2. You are in the relationship for the wrong reasons
3. One or both of you are into games, power plays and/or manipulation
4. One or both of you is insecure
“Relationships are hard work” is hyperbole to make an important point. You can’t be 100% self centered or the relationship will fail. You have to communicate every day. You have to try to consider their wants and needs every day. If you’re inherently a selfish d-bag, that’s a lot of work to control your character flaws. Most people aren’t at that extreme on the spectrum so it’s just a bit of daily nudge. No different than getting daily exercise or getting to work on time or paying your bills on time. It’s really easy to get complacent where you stop communicating and stop considering someone else’s wants and needs. Thus the “hard work” hyperbole.
But , when you do , you do , it might not fit your ideas , they might be totally opposite, you don't get a say in who you truly fall in love with in my experience but when you have there's just no other way.
Of course there is. You go back to the life you knew, leave the other person in peace to do the same and once in a while wonder what might have been.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawk101
So what do ya do , walk away from that true love
Yup. True love or any other kind doesn't fit the plan, you see. The kindest thing I could do for either of us is get out of there before I wreck their life or let them wreck mine.
There are many more important things than idealistic notions of romantic love. If you want to keep life easy you should find out what those are and focus on them.
Relationships are work only if people make them that way. If you and your s/o are compatible, yes you'll have challenges here and there, but nothing y'all can't work through. The problem is too many people don't want to suck up their pride and admit when they're wrong. When you're used to doing what you want to do, it's tough to adjust to having to consider someone else in your decisions.
OP, I agree, with the caveat that even the best and easiest relationships will sometimes encounter problems or misunderstandings, and at that time will need some diligent effort to maintain. My wife and I have had a fantastic, easy relationship for 18 years, but sometimes we will argue or be insensitive, and that needs some work to correct.
The more compatible you are, the easier, in my experience. If one person is selfish, you aren't really compatible. There are plenty of people who have character flaws or simply incompatible personality types or goals, who do not make for a good match - but may with someone else.
Do not take each other for granted, and treat each other how they want to be treated, which isn't necessarily how you would want to be treated.
Some relationships that require plenty of work are still great relationships, because both are willing to do the necessary work to keep it that way. Not everyone has the good fortune to find someone amazingly compatible, but still value each other deeply. If you do find someone that compatible, though, treasure it, because it provides something rare.
OP, don't expect easy all the time. If you aren't willing to do the work even when needed, even in the easiest relationship, it won't last.
Its a common statement that "relationships are hard work" and you need to work at them to make them last and thrive.
But should they be hard work? Why?
My relationships with friends are not hard work. My family relationships are not hard work.
Why should my romantic relationships be hard work?
I'm of the opinion that a relationship is only "hard work" for one of four reasons:
1. You are not compatible or on the same page with that person
2. You are in the relationship for the wrong reasons
3. One or both of you are into games, power plays and/or manipulation
4. One or both of you is insecure
you have to remember that even when two people are completely compatible, there are still issues they have to over come. one could be having a very bad day, and make an inopportune comment to their SO, that gets misunderstood, and the SO says something back that is not recommended, and suddenly you have an argument that strains the relationship.
or each person starts to take the other for granted, and the relationship slowly dissolves over time.
no two people are exactly alike in how they think, and what they think. two best friends can have differing views on different subjects, two lovers the same way.
no matter how good the chemistry is between two people, that alone will never hold a relationship together.
you have to remember that even when two people are completely compatible, there are still issues they have to over come. one could be having a very bad day, and make an inopportune comment to their SO, that gets misunderstood, and the SO says something back that is not recommended, and suddenly you have an argument that strains the relationship.
or each person starts to take the other for granted, and the relationship slowly dissolves over time.
no two people are exactly alike in how they think, and what they think. two best friends can have differing views on different subjects, two lovers the same way.
no matter how good the chemistry is between two people, that alone will never hold a relationship together.
Great post. There are so many things that can affect a relationship beyond the two people in it. Death, illness, job loss, any number of outside stressors that can really strain a relationship because of the emotional toll they take on a person. When you're bogged down in grief, or depression as a result of these regular life events, it takes a really strong relationship to make it through, and getting through it is the 'hard work'.
Status:
"This too shall pass. But possibly, like a kidney stone."
(set 12 days ago)
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I've been married 33 years, going strong, raised 3 kids to adulthood.
It's always rankled me that people say marriage is "hard work". It hasn't been in my case. "Choose wisely, treat kindly". There. That's pretty much it.
Status:
"This too shall pass. But possibly, like a kidney stone."
(set 12 days ago)
36,000 posts, read 18,280,610 times
Reputation: 51063
Quote:
Originally Posted by rbohm
you have to remember that even when two people are completely compatible, there are still issues they have to over come. one could be having a very bad day, and make an inopportune comment to their SO, that gets misunderstood, and the SO says something back that is not recommended, and suddenly you have an argument that strains the relationship.
or each person starts to take the other for granted, and the relationship slowly dissolves over time.
no two people are exactly alike in how they think, and what they think. two best friends can have differing views on different subjects, two lovers the same way.
no matter how good the chemistry is between two people, that alone will never hold a relationship together.
Yeah. Don't do that. Don't say things that you know are going to hurt, just to hurt your partner. Even if you're irritated with them.
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