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Most people get married for love, which is a mistake because love never lasts and is all too soon replaced with the drudgery of domestic life. Marital bliss becomes sacrificed to material obligation - mortgages, car payments and an endless series of bills - that takes all the joy out the relationship. Even the children end up being more burden than blessing. It all boils down to responsibility - financial responsibility - which is to say money, or the lack thereof, the debits and credits of a bankrupt estate.
Likewise, many marriages nowadays end in divorce. Indeed, they are ill-fated from the start; like undercapitalized business ventures, they are bound to fail. How foolish people can be when they are in love. How stupidly they behave without a care for the consequences. Did they really think that they could live on love? How absurd. Where did their love go? How could two persons who loved one another so passionately end up hating each other? And what is to be done with the detritus of a marriage foundered on the rocks? The law is an inadequate remedy for people’s personal problems. Divorce is a losing proposition: the husband loses, the wife loses, and the children - the ones who ought to be entitled to two loving and responsible parents - they are the big losers. But how can you stop people from getting married, however improbable the proposal? You might as well try to stop the tide from coming in - it is an irresistible force. People ought to be required to prove their financial responsibility before the state issues them a license to marry; for surely, as the old saw goes: "When the money’s gone, love flies out the window."
Your post is wrong, and kind of immature to boot. The problem isn't people marrying for love. It's people having bizarre notions about love and then getting married. Love is more than an adrenaline rush. It's a disposition towards another person.
First, who said that continual, 24/7 happiness is a realistic objective in life? Maybe it's a product of commercial culture today. But every person must go through difficulty in life, either alone or with somebody else. And how that person handles difficulty is known as character.
Part of the problem stems from how we perceive marriage. Just look at the movies. Notice how the romance movie ends in a wedding ceremony? Well, dating is easy. You haven't crossed the finish line when you say, "I do."
That's just not how it works. You're committing to building a life together, not just going on a sixty-year-long date, and not just having license to have sex whenever you want. Grownups understand this. Those with arrested development do not.
Second, there are times in life where all the fun takes a back seat to work. Hey, there were a couple of years in my life when I wasn't fun to be around, what with career changes and turmoil at my office. The same is true of my wife when she had problems.
Third, a strong relationship survives money problems. Only the shallow allow the shortage of money to tear apart a marriage. For, once you get past your money problems, you gain the wisdom of living within your means, which is the prescriptive for true happiness in life.
Fourth, my children are a joy and a burden at the same time. But I love them all the time, and I adore their mother.
So, Wendell, you're wrong. It's kind of sad that you think the most important relationship in one's life boils down to a financial one. And that one's happiness in life depends on how much money is in your checking account. It's a shallow way to think and, ultimately a wrongheaded notion. After all, I know plenty of unhappy, wealthy marriages, and I know a lot of happy marriages that, financially, are barely getting by. I also know which kind of circumstances of the two I would prefer.
If he has to "block out a dedicated time" for you to be together, there are obviously other priorities that make it impossible for your relationship to fit the mold that you seem to require.
No amount of complaining, seeking advice, or getting counseling is going to help.
Nothing except a major lifestyle change by both of you will make things any different.
Sometimes the grass on the other side of the fence is not only greener, there is a whole other world over there that you never imagined even existed.
I am not sure what you mean.
As for blocking out a dedicated time, he means that when we get home from work on weekdays, we will not simply go through the routine of focusing all of our energies and actions toward our children. His goal is that we will have a breather - an hour - to ourselves to talk and relate before we go to bed. This might mean putting the kids in the bonus room in front of the TV (baby in the playpen with monitor on). Do you have kids? If so, how can you have time alone with your wife by default, without planning or effort?
Nice. Just reading the topic of this post, and then reading that things went well and you had sex... I'm happy that citydata forumites might have helped save a marriage.
Nice. Just reading the topic of this post, and then reading that things went well and you had sex... I'm happy that citydata forumites might have helped save a marriage.
Yeah, I can't wait to get sum at home tonight! I sent him a naughty text message today.
Are you a man? Nope. Someone asking for advice from a man, is going to get it. I believe my advice is very fair and doesn't ask for much. Have sex with your husband!! It's not like I'm advocating she put on a nurse outfit and do a striptease for him. Just have sex with the poor bastard, and make him realize that he married you because you are a sexy freakin woman that can make his eyes roll into the back of his head, and he should start playing the part of good husband or he is going to seriously regret it. You make it sound like she's being a prositute by having sex with her one and only.
I totally agree with chiaroscuro. I do believe that a woman has the power to get her man to do anything she wants, you just gotta know how to work your man. See this is where alot of women in my opinion go wrong, like many others have said a man is very simple it's all based around sex. Please a man in bed and he will give you the world, and why not the little nurse outfit and a striptease for your man?
I am 40yrs old, still look pretty hot, and i know how to work my man and get what i want and need from him both physically and emotionally. I will put on that little nurse outfit and become his w****, i fullfill his fantasies for him and in turn he treats me like a queen.
Look, it sounds like you're still in love with your husband, i know it sucks to always be the one that has to take the first step to make things work in a relationship, i know you feel alone, and think to yourself that if he really loved you he'd give you what you need, but you have to realize that men don't think like we do and unfortunately they often take us for granted, but thats where us women need to be smart and learn how to communicate to our partners what we need from them without making them feel like they're useless and no good for nothing.
I think that it's all in the way we communicate, you're obviously extremely frustruated with the situation and want him to take some action, but at the same time he might be thinking why even bother, you turn him down sexually and for a man that's huge to his ego. Also think about the way you talk to him, are you saying things that will in turn make him defensive? When you express your frustruations to him, do you attack him?
Trust me on this, i know you have done everything possible to keep it together, but give it a little more time and try a couple of things diferently, you got nothing to loose, give in a little more
#1 be his s**** in bed (i'm telling you this works wonders)
#2 make him believe he is the captain of his ship
#3 make your man feel like a man
#4 dont give him the silent treatment
#5 show him affection, send him little texts saying you love him (you'd be surprised, men like that stuff too)
#6 put on a little mini skirt with some heels, and if you drink, have a couple shots, relax, and let your body be his temple .
Take the initiative and tell him you're not going to give up on him and want to make this work. Whatever you do think hard before you decide to step outside your marriage, once you do that, trust me everything will change, he will eventually find out, he'll probably forgive you and put effort into the marriage but when something like this happens often, the person it's done to no matter how much they want to forgive, they just can't get passed what you've done and it does end up breaking up the relationship.
Good luck to you, i wish you the best.
On a side note, to all those women that will be hating on me for saying to be you're man's w****, they have alot to learn on pleasing a man and what makes them happy. They're is nothing wrong with fullfilling your man's desires, seeing his face after you've given him a mindblowing orgasm, priceless. Seeing my man turned on, turns me on.
I doubt you will find any man that would say they would not be turned on by their so, wearing some little slutty outfit ready to have sweaty, lustfull sex.
Last edited by fresnochick; 04-15-2008 at 02:28 PM..
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send me one.
.
. Seeing my man turned on, turns me on.
