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Old 08-21-2019, 09:19 AM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,443 posts, read 341,870 times
Reputation: 1284

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Idkeither View Post
4

I think at one point you just get old and it's either not there or just feels different so you think it's not there. Every couple has a different energy between them.
hopefully by the time you are old.....you are able to spend more time on the love you have to keep it exciting & fun.......& enduring.....
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Old 08-21-2019, 08:12 PM
 
Location: Texas
10,333 posts, read 3,948,661 times
Reputation: 20814
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea View Post
It's not really about fear. At least for me it wasn't. It was more about an "idea of love" rather than the real thing. I believe everyone fantasizes about their partner to some extent. But when the bulk of what you love about them is made up in your head, it's a problem. For me it was anyway.
Same here. I had to learn to stop idolizing men. It wasn't healthy.
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Old 08-21-2019, 08:31 PM
 
10,849 posts, read 4,399,716 times
Reputation: 27375
This is such a very interesting thread.

I do wonder why posters who have never been in love, ever, hang out consistently on the Relationships thread. Maybe a desire to be in love? I really don't know.

For me, twice, I have been deeply in love. First time with a long term boyfriend, and then I met my current husband of 34 years.
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Old 08-22-2019, 02:59 AM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
7,780 posts, read 5,003,054 times
Reputation: 12852
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Same here. I had to learn to stop idolizing men. It wasn't healthy.
Yeap. It's super important not to idealize anyone. Man or woman. Friends or partners. Especially if you don't those same traits yourself. Having realistic expectations and views of people will save a lot of grief.
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Old 08-22-2019, 04:52 AM
Status: "Infractionation!" (set 9 days ago)
 
Location: Earth
414 posts, read 308,612 times
Reputation: 765
Tricky question. I'm not sure what 'being in love' is. I know I've shared those tender moments, but I can't remember them in detail. Companionship is a big thing for me, and that means a hell of a lot more to me than anything else - something consistent and ongoing is more valuable. Being in love is an ideal that's up there on a pedestal, but I don't think I've been there. I've be been abandoned too many times that I just don't believe in love, but no regrets, and now I'm happily single.

I can foresee a companionship-based relationship in my future, but for now I'm good.
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Old 08-22-2019, 08:38 AM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,443 posts, read 341,870 times
Reputation: 1284
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Same here. I had to learn to stop idolizing men. It wasn't healthy.
It's good you broke that cycle.......idolizing is not love........
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Old 08-22-2019, 08:50 AM
 
1,103 posts, read 1,168,324 times
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Never fell in love. i honestly dont know what it feels like.
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Old 08-24-2019, 12:18 PM
 
11 posts, read 2,522 times
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If you'd asked me 6 months ago I would have said 4 times, but looking back it's only been once, and that was with my latest relationship. She was/is the love of my life and quite frankly, personal preference of course, I'll never enter a relationship again with anyone else. Wouldn't be fair to the other person when I feel nothing for them.
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Old 08-24-2019, 02:51 PM
 
Location: equator
3,757 posts, read 1,653,008 times
Reputation: 9379
Huh. I've just been thinking about this very thing. Feel like I don't know what "being IN love" really is.

My first at age 20: Just wanted to get out the parents' house and he was a genius I greatly admired. He greatly admired me, so that was a clinch. 17 years.

Second: Really wanted to do this horse-trip adventure and we "clicked" so off we went. Exciting, but it went south fast with his drinking/violence. 7 years.

Third: Much older now, we both wanted a lifetime/grow-old companionship. We have that; the "love" is like a family member, LOL. 14 years.

So....despite many relationships, maybe never?
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Old 08-24-2019, 03:05 PM
 
748 posts, read 355,224 times
Reputation: 558
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
This is such a very interesting thread.

I do wonder why posters who have never been in love, ever, hang out consistently on the Relationships thread. Maybe a desire to be in love? I really don't know.

For me, twice, I have been deeply in love. First time with a long term boyfriend, and then I met my current husband of 34 years.

I have had a ton of relationship and dating experience. I spent most of my adulthood in some form of relationship or another. Yet I don't think I can honestly say I have been in love. Sure, I thought I was sometimes. I was experiencing something very intense, whatever it was. I obsessed over men. I've been engaged, almost got married, broke it off weeks before the wedding date. I've had extremely varied and intense and extreme sexual (and emotional) experiences.



But in hindsight I can't call any of it love. There was always some malfunction, either on my part or theirs. Usually both. I would call it love if it were a long lasting and healthy pairing, with lots of open and honest communication, no games, no manipulation, no one person trying to get one over on the other.



I know its possible, people have healthy relationships. I think part of it was I grew up in California where some of the most shallow and narcissistic people live. I've moved to a different state now where people seem more down to earth although I feel I'm still decompressing, even though its been two years. Letting all those narcissist influences fade away, but I hope soon I will get to a place where I can be attracted to a more healthy relationship (and become worthy of one myself).
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