Boyfriend's way to talk about my looks feels bad and insulting (how to, women)
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I'v asked, and he just keeps saying that he is attracted to me. Sometimes I feel that he is maybe feeling that even I'm not good looking enough in his eyes, but I'm 18 years younger than he is, and that makes me "best he can get" for him
Yeah, seeing a pretty consistent consensus that Mr. Insulting should be tossed.
Hopefully the OP listens and doesn't get into the making excuses for his behavior mode.
I hope so. I was flippant, and I know it isn't always easy...but this seems like more of a cut-and-dried case. I wonder if it's the OP who thinks she can't do better.
We can ALWAYS do better than being deliberately mistreated. IMO.
I feel like my boyfriend has some need to put me down.
If I tell him that some guy smiled me at the street, he asks "Really, even you are looking like that?"
When we were watching some nonsense videoclip where people were ranking each others by looks, he said that he would rank me as 6.
When I showed pictures with my friends kid, he said "Is that really you? Really nice picture. I couldn't regonice you from that". Then he started to talk about how he didin't regonice me from my* Facebook profile picture either, and that's really nice photo of me, usualy profile pictures are. I don't use photoshop or filters.
When I'v been talking about how insulting these kind of comments are, he just can't see it. My self-esteem is not going to be damaged from he's words but I think that that kind of behavior is to damaging our relationship. I woul like to feel loved and respected, but this feels just bad and unrespectful.
Any opinions? All these comments have been said within a month, and none of these would be so bad if they were the only ones. He calls me beatifull when I'm wearing lots of makeup or just before he wants sex.
Huh. That isn't a nice thing to say. Next time he makes that comment, ask him why he's with you. He may not be that hung up on looks, he may be jealous of some other guy who has a really attractive wife, he may just be a jerk. There's no telling.
You know I never understand why people who are abused stay with their partners, so maybe next lifetime I will explore that.
The point being is this is mental abuse and you obviously think (at some level) it is worth staying with him. Ask yourself what are you staying for? You really need to search out people who are good for you NOT negative influences. It can only drag you down.
So, I suspect there is a self confidence issue with you but the longer you put up with this, the worse this issue will get. Please do something about it. There really ARE people out there who will love you for the person you are, who will support you, have your back and build your confidence.
This kind of thing actually isn't that uncommon, it is based in insecurity. They need to try to keep the other person down in some way to feel more secure in themselves.
They don't do it to be mean, it is some kind of ego self-preservation behavior. Of course that doesn't mean anyone should have to tolerate it. Once you tell them what they are doing is cruel and it hurts they should take measures to stop it and they should feel bad about hurting you. If not, they probably will just keep doing it.
I'd leave someone quickly if they said such things to me. I spend enough energy dealing with my critical inner thoughts that I don't need someone to add to it.
It is also the type of behavior that crops up in toxic friendships as well.
Don't need that in my life.
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