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Dates without the kids? Sure. But I would also be fine with taking the whole family to a zoo or renting a boat and taking the kids out, or taking the entire pack of them camping.
My caution would be that I'm not interested in a guy who is looking for someone that he can put in place to take care of his children to free himself up from the burdon of caring for the kids. And they are out there. I've met several of that type with that agenda. I have no interest in being an unpaid nanny.
Years ago, a casual friend dated a guy with two little girls. They all lived together for a couple years.
Then the guy's ex decided to come back, and my friend was couch surfing.
He used to come to the restaurant where she worked, sit in a booth, and bawl. Claimed he loved her and couldn't live without her, but his little girls needed their mother.
Not sure what was up with that as she had barely seen them in years. A weekend here or there, maybe.
It was a strange situation, and I'm sure I don't have all the details. She camped on my couch for a few weeks before moving to Austin.
This may or may not be relevant to the thread title. But I'll answer the question, I'd date a woman with kids (or I did in my dating days) because I liked her.
I was dating one gal, we were out with her three little mophead boys at some community function IIRC (it's been a decade or three). Place was jammed, cars parked all along the road, fairly narrow road with lots of traffic. We were waiting to cross.
One of the boys, standing next to me, started to dart out into the road. I caught his motion, I put my hand on his head and stopped him, a car whooshed by just then so odds are high he'd have been dead meat or badly injured at best.
The relationship didn't work out but we parted friends. But I've reflected on that moment quite a few times since, and I wonder if my role in that relationship was simply to be there to save that boy's life at that moment.
Who knows, but it still sends chills down my spine.
Wow!
But to be fair, had it worked out between you two and you'd been around those three little boys, you would likely have experienced other heart stopping moments
I’ve never dated someone with kids but my friends have and said it wasn’t fun.wondering what people have experienced.why they wouldn’t mind it or why they would have a problem with it
I made "no kids" a rule as a young woman because I didn't want kids. I'd watched adults all my life and for the most part they preferred their kids' absence. I didn't see that kids really wanted their parents around. (I was adopted, and an only child with a stay at home mom for my first five years, but she liked her sibs and they each had 3 or 4 kids, so I saw a lot of evading on both sides.)
Mom left Dad shortly after my sister's 5th birthday, and a step father came on the scene less than 2 years later. Sis and I both disliked him, and later we liked step mom less.
So, my choice was "no kids, and no ex." I never regretted it.
There’s also fun moments to be had with a child…especially if you like the child (or possibly want more) and warm up to him or her. Plus not all parents have their child full time…a lot of people now are close to 50/50.
I think that was his point, yes dating someone with kids can have "fun moments" but thats all you get is random moments, but without kids there are MORE fun moments because everything does not have to be planned out, many times opportunities for fun come up randomly out of the blue, if you have to worry about finding a baby sitter often those opportunities can't be taken advantage of. like say I get ahold of free tickets to a TOOL concert 4 hours away, or get invited to an all night beach party and want to bring my girl, woman with kids has to rush to make arrangements and still may not be able to go, and I would not want to go without her, a childless woman will just call shotgun and we are on a roadtrip.
I'm like Captain Picard, I don't feel comfortable interacting with kids never have. I think they are cute from a distance. However, I don't want my own kids and definitely don't want someone else's.
Once a woman has kids with a guy, her ex is never fully out of the picture. When you date someone with kids, you have responsiblity for these kids, but not whole lot of control. Every single mom, says her kids come first. I believe them. I have no interest in raising someone elses kid. The single mom's can date single fathers. I am taking a pass on single moms.
Yep you bet , your kids come first of course they do and hers will def' come first and fair enough .
But there's so many single mums out there, won't get into what l think about the whys and wherefores , but l do think it's pretty ridiculous them expecting other men to take on their kids with someone else. Even worse when there's been 2 or 3 someone else's and fathers. Hence so many seem to have a hard time finding any permanent lasting relationships.
l think as a guy especially if you don't have kids yourself then put your foot down on that stuff and keep on walking.
There's still plenty of great women out there with no kids or say just one from a legitimately failed marriage- not so bad, but if l didn't have any kids myself l wouldn't even go for a woman with even one.
Once a woman has kids with a guy, her ex is never fully out of the picture. When you date someone with kids, you have responsiblity for these kids, but not whole lot of control. Every single mom, says her kids come first. I believe them. I have no interest in raising someone elses kid. The single mom's can date single fathers. I am taking a pass on single moms.
I had kids when I was dating and I was honestly surprised that it did not hold me back more.
I did not want to date a man who had kids, because I don't honestly know if I should have had the ones that I did have. I love my kids and tried to be a good Mom, but it was a matter of oops, then a decision to keep and raise the first when I was young and then deciding to have a second because I thought it was better than an only child. But I sacrificed an awful lot, I don't really like kids in general and didn't want my own until I had them...then of course I adored my children, especially when the "mama bear" effect was strongly in play. But over the years as they grew and that faded and the impulse to kick 'em out of the nest and urge them to fly increased, and watching how much they are struggling and knowing I made a big mistake in letting the man who fathered them into my life... Like I can't quite say that I regret having them. But I definitely have mixed feelings about it. Watching them go through hardships has been really painful, and the question of whether to help or if that is enabling...stuff like that...it's just hard and I never thought that this, their young adulthood, would be the hardest part of parenting. But it has been. Much harder than when they were little, and their needs were relatively straightforward.
The two I've had are enough and then some. I don't have the resources to share with more.
So I wasn't interested in dating a man who had kids and taking on more of that, but I also felt that it was understandable that men who didn't have kids might not want to date me. I was quite surprised at just how many did.
But the ones I dated, and even the man I ended up marrying... They did not really take on a stepfather role. My parenting of my then-teenage sons was pretty compartmentalized from my love life. And that's how I wanted it, because I felt that instances I've seen with a step parent and teen kids, there's often a power struggle where the new person doesn't even know these kids and yet expects to exert their own parenting style on them. And yes, the kids' natural father is and probably always will be in the picture somewhere. I still talk to him sometimes. No, that does not in a million years mean that I would ever end up back with him. No way, no how. Not if he was the last man on earth. My second husband and my first one have never met or spoken to one another, though. Not in the almost 7 years I've been with my present husband, it has been easy enough to avoid. Neither of them particularly wants to meet or interact with the other.
So basically my husband just listens when I need to vent, and offers advice sometimes, and is supportive emotionally. That's really all that is needed. But situations like this one, I think are pretty rare.
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