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Removing COVID/vaccinations from the equation, a lot of married couples are stressed over the politcal climate the past several years, with people seeing a spouse have big swing in one direction or the other... often different from their own. I think there's a huge number of boomers that voted their whole lives but were never really 'politically' active until the last two or three election cycles.
I have an adult son who carries the very ideologies that your wife verbally expresses and lives by. The difference in my son and I are that We had our FLAIR up and No more was to be spoken of. The hugest challenge is that He resides in my home. We have to Co exist. I love him with all my heart. He has endured so many challenges society wise and even personally. I cannot just "Un" child him. Or cast him aside.
Recently I had a three week intense bout with Covid. The first three days of it were horrendous.
Mentally and physically.
Since I am immune compromised as it is...and triple vaxxed. The fact I had such high risk symptoms- shortness of breath, leg spasms, migraine, high temp. I had to rely on him for gathering meds and tending to the home. He is staunch that I was over reacting. Til I hit my limit with him.
A full on rage welled inside and out it came--- I begged him to please just get the meds. I was hyperventilating - Could not catch my breath if I wanted to. Down I went to the floor. I raised myself up. Found my way to the door. And struggled to the car. A block away was the pharmacy. Got my meds. Came home and there sitting on the couch was my adult son. We didn't speak...I was too tired and just wanted to get my meds and quarantine. In my room sat a pitcher of water. And a steaming hot cup of tea. No words by him...just that gesture. He took to heart my condition. And with that, he accepted that my health challenge was real. And it was as critical to attend to. It wasn't til I started being semi functional that he leaned over and said...glad you are on the upswing mom! I love you.
He still has his conspiracy and harsh criticisms on politicians or the govt. Where he has slowed down and paused was when covid hit home and someone he actually KNEW going thru it.
I can tell you as bizarre as this sounds ( double standard I suppose) that had that been a spouse ....I do not for one instant think I could tolerate such DIFFERENCES. And Divorce would be the only action to relieve such disrespect .
Counseling may get you to come to terms with the inevitable. As some other poster said though ( and wisely I might add) ....Don't take some strangers advise on the internet concerning divorce. Seek a counselor or even an entrusting friend. I feel for you on one level....*Peace be with you *
I’m so sorry for this. I know this is an unpopular opinion, but can you stick it out three more years til your youngest is out of high school? Otherwise he/she will be left alone with your wife for some significant time without you to provide counterbalance.
Hello all,
I'm heartbroken. Been married for 21 years. The first 18 years were really good. Covid changed my wife (and she says I've changed). Anyway, long story short she has become very far right politically, while I'm more moderate/lean right. She has gone down the conspiracy rabbit hole on so many things that never came to pass in the crazy covid world.
Fast forward to vaccine time. I got vaccinated a year ago this past August for work (August 2021). She is not vaccinated. I have not taken any booster shots.
My wife has a genetic blood disorder- too much iron in her blood and it needs to be dumped every so often. She is convinced her situation has flared up because I received the vaccine. It hurts me that she believes this. She doesn't get what this is doing to me. She is studying to become a holistic health counselor- she thinks she's an expert. I tell her you can take any topic and prove both sides on the internet with all of the BS on the internet. She will only look only at her side (confirmation bias).
We are both spiritual. I'm talking to a few close Christian friends. I have the scriptural verses and am in prayer on it. Does anyone have any thoughts here? Its been going on for almost three years (conspiracies) and I'm exhausted with the latest (me causing the blood issue). I hate thinking of separation which could lead to divorce. But both of us are miserable though, and it hasn't changed with years of prayer., and counseling
We have three kids 19, 17, 15. Any thoughts from anyone would be great. I really appreciate it.
Yeah I got some advice for you let the politics go it doesn't matter nothing you think will have any effect on anything ever you can vote how you wish she can vote how she wishes.
You don't have to agree with her on that sort of thing learn how to agree to disagree.
Removing COVID/vaccinations from the equation, a lot of married couples are stressed over the politcal climate the past several years, with people seeing a spouse have big swing in one direction or the other... often different from their own. I think there's a huge number of boomers that voted their whole lives but were never really 'politically' active until the last two or three election cycles.
Yeah it does have a lot of effect on people. My partner is a teacher and he's rather new at it been doing it for about 3 years but the second year he was doing it he had to do remote teaching and that was because he doesn't really get to interact with the kids. That's the part of it that he loves helping someone figure something out and you don't get to be there for that moment. So when I wanted to rent rave about my conspiracy theories I would do it while I was at work with all my welding coworkers were more than eager to talk with me about it all they wanted and I would come home and be very empathetic to him because I know that his dream was put on hold.
Luckily his school was only really closed for a few months they didn't have a full year like some schools did but it was so aggravating with this stupid little rules and it really got him so I decided I wasn't going to add to his stress.
So you just got to think like that with stuff like this put your partner first it doesn't mean agree with them on everything because me and my partner we stayed together and we didn't argue that much during lockdown.
A lot of people seek counseling as a way of saying they exhausted all possibilities to save the marriage. I'm not optimistic about it because it means you've tried every which way to communicate and resolve problems and now you're so frustrated with each other that it's hard to try again.
Maybe it's like cancer. My brother had either Hodgkins at about age 55 and the doc said, "If you were a bit older, I'd say maybe we should leave it alone. What you have is slow growing, not likely to be fatal before you die of old age, and the chemo can raise havoc with your body." Other cancers of course put you in the ground in no time.
Maybe a counselor or psychologist could assess the relationship and give you a prognosis. Is it easy to "de-program" a person? How many sessions would it take, ballpark? Are they doing "interventions" of some sort? This has to be a thing they see a lot of these days. And if divorce is inevitable maybe a counselor could help you do it civilly, for the kids' sakes.
I kind of have seen this first hand when a sister-in-law joined the Scientologists. Destroyed their family. In retrospect, her husband should have drawn a line in the sand far earlier, but instead tried to be accommodating. As a result she did things like secretly get new credit cards and max them out to send the Scientologist money--And he STILL didn't do anything about it.
Same kind of thing in a way. She's chosen a belief system over you. And I'm not sure how you repair the damage.
If I may ask, is you sister in law married to the same guy? I get where husband is coming from, its hard. You want to keep the peace. I've bent backward for my wife, but we've had many arguments. Getting a divorce is not something that should be rushed into and it should be a last resort. I'm probably a lot like the husband.
I remember you previously posting on one of the forums about your wife refusing the vaccine. This is really a tough one because it really is cult-like behavior from your wife.
I'm sorry. Like others I'd see a counselor alone to talk it through. Perhaps later your wife can join you.
I'm curious about how your children are reacting to her belief changes?
I wonder some kind of "intervention" might work if your children are in agreement with it.
The 19 year old (boy) thinks my wife (his mom) is off the deep end.
The girls however, are completely on my wife's (their mom) side. I'm shocked about my girls.
Yeah admittedly , l didn't mean to down play what the op must be going through. A new religion, lifestyle, politics, completely changing, these are huge things especially if he or she becomes fanatical and the new comers often do.
That's a great idea about trying to hold it together until the last child finishes school and there's a chance she might also revert back to her old self too.
l've had the oddest people , friends, go fanatically religious over night, it only lasted a yr or two.
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