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OP, I know a number of holistic health practitioners, "alternative" health practitioners, from MD's to acupuncturists to nurses who got trained in allergy elimination techniques, a fair gamut. None of them have ever mentioned "shedding". This is crackpot stuff. It sounds like your wife has found a fringe crowd, who search out and follow theories that tell them what they want to hear. It sounds like she has her in-crowd that supports her and cheerleads her, which means she could be lost to you. They have her ear and possibly her heart, metaphorically speaking.
This is sad. Did you mention, you've already been to counseling? Maybe you should meet with a divorce lawyer, especially if your wife hasn't worked and has been dependent on your income all these years, to see if there's a way to soften the economic blow in the case of divorce. They don't always charge for the initial meeting and consult.
I just read a lot of your first paragraph to my wife. I know it wouldn't help but we are in a bad spot. I appreciate the info and it actually gives me some hope for alternative health. Interestingly, 80% of the stuff should does and says I agree with. Its the 20% where she has gone off the rail and its impacted our marriage.
I met with a divorce lawyer yesterday. House is gone.... It would be painful. But I'm prepared if she agrees.
I have a friend who believes in "shedding". She hates being around vaccinated people for that reason. Supposedly, it's the graphene oxide in all the shots that is claimed to cause it. My guess is that your wife thinks that's what's happening...
There is not enough information about what the spouse is actually doing other than having an opinion. As conspiracies go shedding is a relatively mild one. I don't buy it but there has been so much wrong information by authorities surrounding Covid that isn't surprising people have formed their own theories and opinions. We have a friend who has been into conspiracies for years well before Covid, about half of his crazy theories have turned out to be right or headed in that direction.
If she isn't forcing these opinions on OP or going out with activist groups causing trouble it doesn't seem worth throwing a marriage away over it.
Some people let covid get way too far inside their head.
But the real problem seems to be OP's wife blaming him for her medical condition.
Holistic medicine and all the theories are one thing but blaming someone else, and in this case a spouse, for a well-known medical condition speaks of a larger problem within the marriage.
I'm not clear what the OP is seeking here.
Permission to leave?
If he's already spoken to a divorce lawyer it seems one foot is out the door now.
Covid/vaccine theories are a distraction, the underlying issue sounds like incompatibility for both of them and resentment of some kind on the wife's part.
There is not enough information about what the spouse is actually doing other than having an opinion. As conspiracies go shedding is a relatively mild one. I don't buy it but there has been so much wrong information by authorities surrounding Covid that isn't surprising people have formed their own theories and opinions. We have a friend who has been into conspiracies for years well before Covid, about half of his crazy theories have turned out to be right or headed in that direction.
If she isn't forcing these opinions on OP or going out with activist groups causing trouble it doesn't seem worth throwing a marriage away over it.
What I got from the OP's description of the situation is, that her views have gotten to the point that she believes he's a toxic element in her environment. How is one to continue a marriage with that going on?
OP, please correct me if I misunderstood.
And you're right, OP, that one doesn't throw out all of holistic or alternative medicine just because of a few fringe theories. Much of it is actually quite valuable.
The crux of the matter may be, that she has this condition with her blood that you described, that's unresolvable according to current medical science. So she's been searching for a solution in other arenas, and in the course of that search, she came upon this group she's now involved with. So her search gave her some hope regarding her health challenge. She was emotionally invested in her research and quest. Now she's emotionally involved with this group that provides her support.
From that standpoint, it's understandable what she's going through. But it's that emotional aspect that's made her vulnerable to getting in too deeply in the wrong direction, I think.
I'm glad you're still talking to her and trying to reason with her, to save the marriage. Clearly she means a lot to you.
If I may ask, is you sister in law married to the same guy? I get where husband is coming from, its hard. You want to keep the peace. I've bent backward for my wife, but we've had many arguments. Getting a divorce is not something that should be rushed into and it should be a last resort. I'm probably a lot like the husband.
He finally threw in the towel when she started attending Scientology seminars in Florida that lasted for months. Because, at that point, it was obvious what was more important in her life.
And that's the first principle of marriage: Nothing gets between you and your spouse. Not your respective families, your kids, your job, your hobbies, or anything else.
Sure, you have friends and outside interests. Yes, you want to raise your children with love and attention. Yes, you need strong relationships with your family. Yes, you need to earn a good living. But when something elbows its way in between you, that's when the relationship is in trouble.
Trust is the foundation for all relationships, by the way. Doesn't matter if it's your spouse, your children, your boss and co-workers, or the driver next to you on the Interstate. Without trust, there's not a relationship. Your wife is choosing, conversation after conversation, to destroy the trust in your marriage by clinging to idiotic belief. She is choosing those over you and the health of your marriage.
I frankly don't know how to get out of this pickle, with the possible exception of getting your pastor involved. If she trusts him, maybe he'll listen.
Marriage is not easy. I've been married 30+ years; it's been a struggle. I don't get a divorce because we both acknowledge that we are Type A's and difficult to live with. That's probably the only thing we agree on. I don't do counseling because they need help more than me. I just work with what I have. Sometimes acceptance is the right answer. Just accept it and move on!
Is divorce the right call? Don't make hasty decisions especially in the heat of moment. If divorce was like the easy button, I would have been divorced million times already.
Can you afford it? Now your divorced but you're driving a Pinto and living in a shack.
Is she the love of your life? Mine is! I would be lost without her. This is the biggest reason that I deal with her sh1t and she deals with mine.
Hello all,
I'm heartbroken. Been married for 21 years. The first 18 years were really good. Covid changed my wife (and she says I've changed). Anyway, long story short she has become very far right politically, while I'm more moderate/lean right. She has gone down the conspiracy rabbit hole on so many things that never came to pass in the crazy covid world.
Fast forward to vaccine time. I got vaccinated a year ago this past August for work (August 2021). She is not vaccinated. I have not taken any booster shots.
My wife has a genetic blood disorder- too much iron in her blood and it needs to be dumped every so often. She is convinced her situation has flared up because I received the vaccine. It hurts me that she believes this. She doesn't get what this is doing to me. She is studying to become a holistic health counselor- she thinks she's an expert. I tell her you can take any topic and prove both sides on the internet with all of the BS on the internet. She will only look only at her side (confirmation bias).
We are both spiritual. I'm talking to a few close Christian friends. I have the scriptural verses and am in prayer on it. Does anyone have any thoughts here? Its been going on for almost three years (conspiracies) and I'm exhausted with the latest (me causing the blood issue). I hate thinking of separation which could lead to divorce. But both of us are miserable though, and it hasn't changed with years of prayer., and counseling
We have three kids 19, 17, 15. Any thoughts from anyone would be great. I really appreciate it.
Does your wife have many close friends or is it mostly just you and the kids that she is close to?
The low level of paranoia/conspiracy thinking while otherwise being pretty high functioning makes me think she is likely schizotypal. If she was actually willing to seek treatment and take meds, antipsychotic meds are actually quite effective at getting rid of paranoia, but if she is otherwise real high functioning she may be really resistant to treatment and just refuse to acknowledge any problem and if you are pushing her for treatment, then you become part of the conspiracy against her. Ironically if the situation actually got worse, than she might be more likely to actually accept treatment.
I think what I would be doing in this situation is actually talking to a therapist about how to best manage your wife's issues. The big thing I would want to discuss with a therapist is how to navigate your relationship with your kids. Your kids love both you and their mom and most kids don't want to acknowledge that their mom has some mental health issues. But it is still your job as their father to protect them from her. A divorce may or may not be a good choice right now and that is something I would want to talk over first with a shrink. Burning too many bridges with your wife can make managing her paranoia a lot more difficult. So I would want to talk it over with the therapist about what is the best way to manage this situation before I actually filed for divorce.
Does your wife have many close friends or is it mostly just you and the kids that she is close to?
The low level of paranoia/conspiracy thinking while otherwise being pretty high functioning makes me think she is likely schizotypal. If she was actually willing to seek treatment and take meds, antipsychotic meds are actually quite effective at getting rid of paranoia, but if she is otherwise real high functioning she may be really resistant to treatment and just refuse to acknowledge any problem and if you are pushing her for treatment, then you become part of the conspiracy against her. Ironically if the situation actually got worse, than she might be more likely to actually accept treatment.
I think what I would be doing in this situation is actually talking to a therapist about how to best manage your wife's issues. The big thing I would want to discuss with a therapist is how to navigate your relationship with your kids. Your kids love both you and their mom and most kids don't want to acknowledge that their mom has some mental health issues. But it is still your job as their father to protect them from her. A divorce may or may not be a good choice right now and that is something I would want to talk over first with a shrink. Burning too many bridges with your wife can make managing her paranoia a lot more difficult. So I would want to talk it over with the therapist about what is the best way to manage this situation before I actually filed for divorce.
The thing is, though, the OP said the first 18 yrs of marriage were fine. No paranoia, no schizotypal behavior, apparently. Can that sort of thing have a late onset? Can it be triggered by a major event, like Covid?
Unfortunately politics has infected many people today. It's completely unnecessary and it's important to tune out politics within a marriage. I've dated some women that were openly vocal about religion and politics, glad they did and I walked away from those that are addicted to politics and ideology.
In an organic relationship, you should worry about each other's well being and politics is something you should leave out or try to abstain from.
I've dated some women that made a huge deal about identity politics and ignored those conversations because no matter what I say it would be detrimental to the relationship. Because often people who are seriously into politics struggle and are forever conflicted until they can pull themselves out of political tribalism.
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