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Hello all,
I'm heartbroken. Been married for 21 years. The first 18 years were really good. Covid changed my wife (and she says I've changed). Anyway, long story short she has become very far right politically, while I'm more moderate/lean right. She has gone down the conspiracy rabbit hole on so many things that never came to pass in the crazy covid world.
Fast forward to vaccine time. I got vaccinated a year ago this past August for work (August 2021). She is not vaccinated. I have not taken any booster shots.
My wife has a genetic blood disorder- too much iron in her blood and it needs to be dumped every so often. She is convinced her situation has flared up because I received the vaccine. It hurts me that she believes this. She doesn't get what this is doing to me. She is studying to become a holistic health counselor- she thinks she's an expert. I tell her you can take any topic and prove both sides on the internet with all of the BS on the internet. She will only look only at her side (confirmation bias).
We are both spiritual. I'm talking to a few close Christian friends. I have the scriptural verses and am in prayer on it. Does anyone have any thoughts here? Its been going on for almost three years (conspiracies) and I'm exhausted with the latest (me causing the blood issue). I hate thinking of separation which could lead to divorce. But both of us are miserable though, and it hasn't changed with years of prayer., and counseling
We have three kids 19, 17, 15. Any thoughts from anyone would be great. I really appreciate it.
I am so sorry about your situation. I highly recommend counseling - be smart - don't put your marriage in the hands of us internet smart talkers. You need a professional.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SeminoleTom
Hello all,
I'm heartbroken. Been married for 21 years. The first 18 years were really good. Covid changed my wife (and she says I've changed). Anyway, long story short she has become very far right politically, while I'm more moderate/lean right. She has gone down the conspiracy rabbit hole on so many things that never came to pass in the crazy covid world.
Fast forward to vaccine time. I got vaccinated a year ago this past August for work (August 2021). She is not vaccinated. I have not taken any booster shots.
My wife has a genetic blood disorder- too much iron in her blood and it needs to be dumped every so often. She is convinced her situation has flared up because I received the vaccine. It hurts me that she believes this. She doesn't get what this is doing to me. She is studying to become a holistic health counselor- she thinks she's an expert. I tell her you can take any topic and prove both sides on the internet with all of the BS on the internet. She will only look only at her side (confirmation bias).
We are both spiritual. I'm talking to a few close Christian friends. I have the scriptural verses and am in prayer on it. Does anyone have any thoughts here? Its been going on for almost three years (conspiracies) and I'm exhausted with the latest (me causing the blood issue). I hate thinking of separation which could lead to divorce. But both of us are miserable though, and it hasn't changed with years of prayer., and counseling
We have three kids 19, 17, 15. Any thoughts from anyone would be great. I really appreciate it.
I’m going to be straight up. While I would see if she would be amenable to trying counseling, the fact that she has converted to the religion of conspiracy is a clear sign to me that her ability to reason and the presence of logic is not there. The whole problem with conspiracy theorists is they think they know every damn thing. This is a self-delusion and from my experience they go down this hole never to return.
Again, I would try counseling but I’d adjust my expectations and emotionally prepare to not invest too much time and cut bait.
I echo considering counseling, but I'm curious...how exactly, does she think you've caused the flare up of her blood disorder? Is it like she thinks you've caused her stress, and that stress contributes to the flare-up?
Hello all,
I'm heartbroken. Been married for 21 years. The first 18 years were really good. Covid changed my wife (and she says I've changed). Anyway, long story short she has become very far right politically, while I'm more moderate/lean right. She has gone down the conspiracy rabbit hole on so many things that never came to pass in the crazy covid world.
Fast forward to vaccine time. I got vaccinated a year ago this past August for work (August 2021). She is not vaccinated. I have not taken any booster shots.
My wife has a genetic blood disorder- too much iron in her blood and it needs to be dumped every so often. She is convinced her situation has flared up because I received the vaccine. It hurts me that she believes this. She doesn't get what this is doing to me. She is studying to become a holistic health counselor- she thinks she's an expert. I tell her you can take any topic and prove both sides on the internet with all of the BS on the internet. She will only look only at her side (confirmation bias).
We are both spiritual. I'm talking to a few close Christian friends. I have the scriptural verses and am in prayer on it. Does anyone have any thoughts here? Its been going on for almost three years (conspiracies) and I'm exhausted with the latest (me causing the blood issue). I hate thinking of separation which could lead to divorce. But both of us are miserable though, and it hasn't changed with years of prayer., and counseling
We have three kids 19, 17, 15. Any thoughts from anyone would be great. I really appreciate it.
Yikes. First, I'm really sorry to hear this. I think Covid and all the turmoil it brought with it has just sent some people over the edge, and I'm afraid your wife could be one of those people.
Conspiracy theories are the worst, and those who subscribe to them or spread them certainly aren't working from anything approaching a Christian foundation. Instead, to be a conspiracy theorist is to develop a thesis, a worldview, and then summon the facts or even the scintilla of facts to justify belief--no matter how half-cocked it might be.
Yet a Christian (Or anyone else for that matter) should seek truth, not cave to what are essentially rumors and exploitative lies. Understand your wife's motivations for what they are--a desire to be able to explain that which is often unexplainable.
So what you're dealing with is two problems at the same time, the erosion of trust in your marriage and the deep conviction on her part that literally no one can be trusted. This is why nutjobs and cynical people such as Alex Jones and Tucker Carlson and Michael Flynn and Sydney Powell exist--because those predators specialize in finding an audience out who craves certainty where and when it doesn't exist, the desire to have the insider's knowledge on the way the world works.
In a way, your wife is the victim. To me, the answer might lie in finding someone in your spiritual life whom you both trust such as a pastor and ask him to confront the question of conspiracy theories head on. Someone with that kind of authority in her life might provide the wakeup call that you cannot.
I wish I had a better answer for you.
Last edited by MinivanDriver; 09-22-2022 at 04:31 PM..
Obviously you can try counseling, but be prepared to divorce. Your wife has gone all the way down the rabbit hole and is coo-coo for cocoa puffs. That's just my opinion and I am able to admit I could be wrong.
I don't care if my friends lean right or left . I am not be afraid of vaccines, nor or have I quit living. I am going to see a play this weekend. It's the only theater I am aware of that still requires masks. I am not going to whine about it. Then we will go to a restaurant with no masks. *Shrug. Politicans will tell us anything to get our votes. If only people would look at what politicians do and how they behave instead of what they say.
Good luck on finding common ground with your wife. If you can't meet in the middle somewhere, how do you Invision your future? You are unhappy. How long do you want to live that way?
I was divorced after 25 years of marriage. Once kids were grown we were stuck with each other and found nothing in common. It became bitter, abusive and emotionally draining. Looking back, I realize I should have left years before. That's just me. Was blessed to meet the love of my life at 50 and had a fantastic life together. Sometimes we can't see the forest beyond the trees.
I echo considering counseling, but I'm curious...how exactly, does she think you've caused the flare up of her blood disorder? Is it like she thinks you've caused her stress, and that stress contributes to the flare-up?
No its called "shedding". A lot of holistic health people believe this theory. That it can go off of me and onto her. Crazy I know.... But that is what I'm dealing with. You can look it up on the internet.
Yikes. First, I'm really sorry to hear this. I think Covid and all the turmoil it brought with it has just sent some people over the edge, and I'm afraid your wife could be one of those people.
Conspiracy theories are the worst, and those who subscribe to them or spread them certainly aren't working from anything approaching a Christian foundation. Instead, to be a conspiracy theorist is to develop a thesis, a worldview, and then summon the facts or even the scintilla of facts to justify belief--no matter how half-cocked it might be.
Yet a Christian (Or anyone else for that matter) should seek truth, not cave to what are essentially rumors and exploitative lies. Understand your wife's motivations for what they are--a desire to be able to explain that which is often unexplainable.
So what you're dealing with is two problems at the same time, the erosion of trust in your marriage and the deep conviction on her part that literally no one can be trusted. This is why nutjobs and cynical people such as Alex Jones and Tucker Carlson and Michael Flynn and Sydney Powell exist--because those predators specialize in finding an audience out who craves certainty where and when it doesn't exist, the desire to have the insider's knowledge on the way the world works.
In a way, your wife is the victim. To me, the answer might lie in finding someone in your spiritual life whom you both trust such as a pastor and ask him to confront the question of conspiracy theories head on. Someone with that kind of authority in her life might provide the wakeup call that you cannot.
I wish I had a better answer for you.
Yes agreed with everything you wrote. Thanks for the time. I'm very much struggling with this.
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damn thing. This is a self-delusion and from my experience they go down this hole never to return. 