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-Most women are not experienced and sophisticated enough to shoot their shot at men. It takes a certain degree of experience to know when a man is really into you and when he isn't and many women lack that experience and groundedness.
-Inexperienced women let their egos get in the way of their ability to spot red flags.
-Women are at a disadvantage because they're already halfway in before they shoot their shot. The only man a woman will shoot her shot at is a man she's absolutely crazy about and attracted to. This clouds her judgment.
-Men are naturally curious. Men are also not used to being approached. If a woman approaches a man, and she's decent-looking, he will entertain her even if he has no real romantic interest in her because he's flattered by the attention.
-Men being curious, they will try to see how far they can go and what they can get out of her. This leads to women spending time with men who ultimately end up hurting them.
-Men go after what they really want. If a man says "I'm not looking for anything right now," then he doesn't like you, full stop. A man would never utter those words to the woman of his dreams because he'd be too afraid of scaring her away.
Thoughts?
it seems like from the perspective of women, shooting your shot and winning = marriage; whereas, for men, shooting your shot and winning = getting her fone #.
most relationships fail (the average person has 8 relationships in their lifetime) so most women will see shooting their shot as failure.
Yeah, why would a woman be expected to initiate things with a man she doesn't even find attractive? They have men who they don't find all that attractive approaching them all the time, and contrary to popular belief among men, they give a non-insignificant percentage of those men a chance. In some cases, the man actually grows on her and they develop a genuine attraction to him. I don't think we can really say the same for men.
The matchmaker underscores a fundamental difference between men and women: men have no problem giving time, attention and sexual access to women they have no intention of entering into a long-term, committed relationship with. When men complain about women wasting their time, they're usually talking about a few dates, maybe a few weeks, maybe a semester or so of remaining in the Friend Zone, all the while without getting any real physical access to the woman. When women complain about men wasting their time, it could be months or even years of sex and vacations with no real stated commitment on the man's part. After 6 months of what the woman considers "dating," the guy might tell her "Let's just see where things go."
This is a challenge women face in the dating market that goes unappreciated by many men.
but how is the bolded different from a man who shoots his shot with a woman ?
Not relevant in your case as you were not rejected. Why, you ask? YOU didn't ask HIM out.
Perhaps you saw 'signals' that really weren't signals. Happens all the time... maybe, just maybe... he was simply a friendly person.
You actually did that??? Wow... was me, I would not have called... too weird for me. Stalkerish, almost.
Doesn't sound weird to me. I bet even though the guy had to say no since he was already taken, he still felt flattered. And he was nice enough to actually call her and let her know so she wouldn't be left wondering.
I can't help but wonder why men and women are so afraid to let the the person they are interested in know it. As long as it's not at work, whatever is the big deal?
I've asked guys out before. On 2 different occasions. They shot me down like Snoopy shooting down the Red Baron. LOL I didn't die.
a whole 2 times !
in my 20's i would go out to festivals, partys, nite-clubs, concerts, bars, ... probably every other week during college and also my home town so 2 different citys. that factors out to be about 25 times a year == 250 times a decade where i try to pull at least 1 fone #. of those ive gotten maybe 3 girls to date me.
I can't help but wonder why men and women are so afraid to let the the person they are interested in know it. As long as it's not at work, whatever is the big deal?
Men are afraid of rejection. Women get asked out all the time.
Do you "cold approach" people? How does it work for you? How many couples do you personally know who started off this way? Not in movies or TV, but in life, real people, not scripts?
Hell, sound off City Data! How many of you are in relationships that began with a stranger "cold approaching" you? How many of you have been in such a relationship before? Was it good? How many of you respond positively to this? How many of you have experienced this being a thing that works? And was it in recent times or the previous millenium? Please, o my friends and countrymen & women, share your own experiences!
I've never had it work out. The vast majority of it was gross, sketchy and/or very unwanted. I've never had a lasting relationship, or even a short or casual fling, result from a stranger just "shooting a shot." Yet...as I've said...I have had no shortage of sex, love, and romance in my life experience. But if I found myself single again, I would definitely not expect that one day a random person would approach me at Petco, nor that I'd spot some man who by miraculous coincidence is single and a good match for my life, and go toss some kind of shmooze his way. I would instead consider my options from among social groups I'm already a part of. No shortage of options there!
And thinking on the decent and good men I know, who are many, I cannot imagine them just "cold approaching" women in settings where it doesn't make sense, nor expecting that they'll get sex, let alone a girlfriend, let alone a wife, just from a couple minutes of smiles and cheesy lines.
No, that tends to be the strategy of the struggling and lonely dudes, or it's what they imagine should work, because they saw it in movies and TV shows and maybe heard an anecdote or two from their parents or grandparents, or worse, read a book or watched Youtube videos about "game"... and then they assume that the reason it does not work for them in modern contexts is because women are too picky. Not because it comes off as weird.
It comes off as weird.
I admit that at 43 years old, I am more objectively "average" than gorgeous, though I clean up pretty good if I try. Given the interest I've had from plenty of great men in my life...men I know socially, not random strangers...I certainly have to assume I am no dog. But my 18-to-early-20s self? Yeah, she was hot. I have photos to prove it. It's fact. I did not think of myself as being all that amazing at the time because the people around me were not great and I was poor and struggling, and so "quality" men weren't hitting on me because I was in exactly zero social spaces where they were.
But I have lived in 6 states, almost always in or near major cities, I've spent time walking, sitting, drinking coffee, working, riding transit, shopping...living life...in all of them. I've been on a pool league and gone to loads of concerts (so, bars.) I CAN recall one youngish man "shooting his shot" when I was working at a gas station in my younger days. He was a frat kid from the college across the street and he would come in OFTEN. At first I was gracious and polite in saying no to him. I was married with a baby at home. I was not interested. He persisted. And persisted. And would not stop. I eventually started hiding from him in the back room when he showed up. Eventually had him banned from the store.
Was he "a decent man?" I say no, because although he was objectively not a bad looking guy, he did not respect my no. That's not decent. It's the opposite of decent.
I’ve done cold approaches many times mostly when I’m at a bar or club.
It doesn’t work everytime but it’s worked a decent amount and I’ve gotten a bunch of one night stands and a few relationships from it
I don’t approach in random stores but I’ve met women that way when they’ve hit on me at say a Macys or something when I’m buying something a cashier has asked for my number
The cold approach happens more then people think though it probably works more for attractive people because those are the ones who tend to do well at first sight
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