Should women shoot their shot? (social, conversation, average, feeling)
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Ladies, don’t listen to the “I approached my husband and we’ve been married since the civil war” people.
All men, regardless of who they are and what they do, will go for what they want.
Make eye contact and smile. If he does not approach, take it as a sign.
I have approached about half the guys I have dated. They said they were interested but would have never asked me out. Apparently, I did not send the "ask me out" signals even though I did.
It seems to me, many people nowadays cannot read the signals anymore. Because the other half I dated, they got the signals. And then some received signals that I did not send out and they asked anyway
I think often times people fail to read body language because we don't interact as much anymore in person. Covid probably made it worse. You don't just go to a random guy and ask him out. You look at each other first, read their body language, is it open, is it friendly, flirty ... Then you approach.
It is the same the other way around - women get rejected, too. A while ago I was getting an oil change. Sat outside, waiting for my vehicle, chatting to the cute man next to me for an hour. He sent the signals but we were not that flirty because I am just not that way. Never mentioned that he is not single. He totally went along with being totally into me. Then I left and he did not ask for my number. I thought he was just shy because that happens to me all the time.
I called the oil change place back and told them to give him my number. He called 10 minutes later and apologized and said he has a gf. I was frustrated and I told him that.
It is the same the other way around - women get rejected, too. A while ago I was getting an oil change. Sat outside, waiting for my vehicle, chatting to the cute man next to me for an hour. He sent the signals but we were not that flirty because I am just not that way. Never mentioned that he is not single. He totally went along with being totally into me. Then I left and he did not ask for my number. I thought he was just shy because that happens to me all the time.
I called the oil change place back and told them to give him my number. He called 10 minutes later and apologized and said he has a gf. I was frustrated and I told him that.
Some people just like to flirt. They enjoy the back and forth. Whadya gonna do? LOL
I've asked guys out before. On 2 different occasions. They shot me down like Snoopy shooting down the Red Baron. LOL I didn't die.
As a woman, I have no problem shooting my shot with guys where I feel there is mutual interest. I get rejected more often than not. It doesn't destroy me. It is what it is.
Although, I do go back and forth between "screw it, I'm gonna go after what I want" and the "he's just not that into you" philosophy. It kind of mirrors part what the OP is describing in that, if a guy was interested he would make it clear and the woman would not have to approach.
As long as I'm nowhere near the firing line, go your hardest. Genders and the social norms that arise from are meaningless. If love is important to you and you see an opportunity, take it.
As a woman, I have no problem shooting my shot with guys where I feel there is mutual interest. I get rejected more often than not. It doesn't destroy me. It is what it is.
Although, I do go back and forth between "screw it, I'm gonna go after what I want" and the "he's just not that into you" philosophy. It kind of mirrors part what the OP is describing in that, if a guy was interested he would make it clear and the woman would not have to approach.
I guess it just depends on my mood ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I hear you. But we get guys here all the time, asking the basic question "Is she interested in me?" They seemingly truly can't tell if a woman is interested in them or not.
I think the advice for EVERYONE in whatever permutation, should be "if you're interested, ask." Get over the shyness, and just ask.
I just feel like, we are one of the most naturally social species on the planet. It's fine to be "an introvert" in the sense that you aren't a party animal or a social butterfly all the time and it is tiring when you do too much, but to the extent where you don't leave your house much and don't know how to talk to other people...that is not what we are evolved to be or do.
So in a sense, yeah, I do think that women can and should go ahead and initiate things, but mostly what I mean by that is HAVE SOME AGENCY in your dating. Make deliberate and mindful choices, don't just go along with what some dude wants. A lot of women I've known either just sorta hang back waiting for a man to sweep her off her feet or let men push us into things. We need to take a good, empowering kind of responsibility for our love lives.
Does that mean cruising up to strangers and asking them out? I mean...that sounds weird to me. I'm pretty experienced and I've certainly been willing to be the one to make a move or nudge things forward, but I'm not just "approaching" randoms at bars or in produce sections. I go to social places. I don't put targets on specific, attractive individuals, I just talk to whoever seems friendly and wants to talk. There is no dating intention there at first. I'm just interacting with people, having a nice time. Being FRIENDLY. If something starts to feel sparky, I might pull in some flirtation, and maybe at some point it progresses somewhere, but by the time it does we don't really feel like strangers anymore. We've focused on talking to one another and deepening our knowledge of each other for at least a few hours.
Hell, even on dating apps I was pretty much like that. If I got a message, I would check the profile. Dude might be an instant "nope, why the heck would you talk to me?" based on us just being from different worlds, nothing in common, like he says he wants someone who is my polar opposite and it makes no sense. In those cases, if the message was more than "sup" I'd reply politely and tell him I did not think we were a match and wish him luck. Otherwise, we'd chat. In a friendly way. To see if there was any point proceeding any further. If things were still going well, we might meet for coffee or lunch or something.
So the whole "approach" and "shoot your shot" thing is just... It seems weird and unnatural, and it reeks of "I hate people and don't want to talk to them unless in pursuit of a very specific agenda." And I'm not that person, and don't think I'd want to date that person.
But in social situations, just talking to people, I can pretty much always tell when a man is attracted to me enough to at least start something. Whether he is a man of quality deeper down or there is any long term potential, that's a different story. Won't know till I try, no risk, no reward. Best bet is to proceed somewhat slowly...at least, slower than the speed of hormones.
- Women should be encouraged to shoot their shot but most won’t because they don’t need to. You’ll never see a Beyoncé having to ask out a guy.
- I will never say yes to a woman who asks me out because I wasn’t into them for a reason.
Most women aren't Beyonce, or even remotely in that league. So, in fact, they do approach guys. Or engage with them at least, to see if there could be some reciprocal interest.
Her basic philosophy is that nobody should ever take a chance on anything. Her reasoning applied to males would mean that nobody should ever ask anyone out until they have experience, but of course, they can never get experience without trying in the first place..
So the whole "approach" and "shoot your shot" thing is just... It seems weird and unnatural, and it reeks of "I hate people and don't want to talk to them unless in pursuit of a very specific agenda." And I'm not that person, and don't think I'd want to date that person.
This is "shooting your shot" right here. You wouldn't want to date this kind of person?
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