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Do you "cold approach" people? How does it work for you? How many couples do you personally know who started off this way? Not in movies or TV, but in life, real people, not scripts?
When I was single, yes, I approached women I did not know all the time, and had great success doing it. You make it seem as if the odds of striking up a conversation with a stranger that leads to a romantic relationship are about the same as the odds of becoming a Super Bowl MVP. I don't think this is the case at all.
People meet strangers at happy hours, professional networking events, on subway platforms, in shopping malls, at bars, at Whole Foods or Trader Joe's, at art museums, at gyms, at yoga, at SoulCycle, etc. every single day. There are many people who don't even want to date within their social circle because they don't want the messiness that may ensue should things not work out.
That's sort of the draw for many people to live in a big city after all. If they just wanted to date the 40 or so people within their personal orbit, they could have just stayed in whatever town they came from.
Last edited by BajanYankee; 10-06-2022 at 01:02 PM..
How are we defining "cold approach"? Is "cold approach" some stranger walking up to me and asking me on a date? That's never happened to me before.
However, I've met guys in bars who chatted me up, spent some time talking and flirting with me, and then before the night is over, asking me out. And I think something like that happens often enough.
The OP is addressing women "shooting their shot," which does necessarily occur within the context of a cold approach. We got dragged into this because of a movie clip where Brad Pitt is "shooting his shot" during a "cold approach."
The situation you described, where a guy chatted you up in a bar and then asked for your phone number, is no different from Brad chatting up that woman in a coffee shop. Or a guy chatting you up in the super market. Or outside of the gym. Or after church/temple. Or an after an art event.
The OP is addressing women "shooting their shot," which does necessarily occur within the context of a cold approach. We got dragged into this because of a movie clip where Brad Pitt is "shooting his shot" during a "cold approach."
The situation you described, where a guy chatted you up in a bar and then asked for your phone number, is no different from Brad chatting up that woman in a coffee shop. Or a guy chatting you up in the super market. Or outside of the gym. Or after church/temple. Or an after an art event.
OK so wait, we are talking about starting with some friendly conversation?
Because that's also what I have suggested. Talk to people. Be a friendly person. If the signals are good and it feels warm, and the other person has not made some excuse and vanished, by the end of the night you might try to arrange to see them again.
When I'm hearing "cold approach" I'm thinking of a guy going up to a woman in the produce section, or at a bus stop, tossing down some shmoozy pickup line, and asking her out. Not an extended back and forth interaction. Just "game."
The kind of thing I CAN see working, is where you are still being friendly to a point where rejection is also a lot less likely. Because by the time you even get around to asking someone out, you can kinda tell if they are interested in interacting with you. Because they continue to do so.
But I can't see this kind of length of interaction happening at the grocery store and I wouldn't respond favorably to it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BajanYankee
When I was single, yes, I approached women I did not know all the time, and had great success doing it. You make it seems as if the odds of striking up a conversation with a stranger that leads to a romantic relationship are about the same as the odds of becoming a Super Bowl MVP. I don't think this is the case at all.
People meet strangers at happy hours, professional networking events, on subway platforms, in shopping malls, at bars, at Whole Foods or Trader Joe's, at art museums, at gyms, at yoga, at SoulCycle, etc. every single day. There are many people who don't even want to date within their social circle because they don't want the messiness that may ensue should things not work out.
That's sort of the draw for many people to live in a big city after all. If they just wanted to date the 40 or so people within their personal orbit, they could have just stayed in whatever town they came from.
Ah. Well, my social circles have always had at least the potential and usually the reality of being a LOT bigger than 40 people.
And most of my short term dating endeavors that don't work out, don't end with messiness. So that's no issue. The only one that ever did end messily was an 18 year deal and I did leave behind our former mutual friends. But I kinda shrugged that off somewhat, like...I can make more friends.
OK so wait, we are talking about starting with some friendly conversation?
That's what Brad Pitt did in the movie. He started a friendly conversation. I don't think you needed the entire 6 minute scene to understand that they were already having a conversation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
When I'm hearing "cold approach" I'm thinking of a guy going up to a woman in the produce section, or at a bus stop, tossing down some shmoozy pickup line, and asking her out. Not an extended back and forth interaction. Just "game."
Most dudes are not using pick-up lines. A lot of guys are clever enough to manufacture a conversation out of thin air by making some witty observation about shallots or whatever. It might be corny but if the woman finds him attractive then she might entertain him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
But I can't see this kind of length of interaction happening at the grocery store and I wouldn't respond favorably to it.
Well, that's you. You shouldn't assume most women are like you.
So many young people today live in communities that are so self-segregated along socioeconomic lines that they're really only encountering their target demographic on a daily basis, so it's not like the hot 24-year old walking home from yoga in Park Slope is getting approached by a 54-year old, balding man with a pot gut who lives in Central New Jersey. So they're already primed to be more receptive to men's advances already due to the nature of their environment, which is why they moved there from Indiana or Walla Walla or wherever they came from.
Last edited by BajanYankee; 10-06-2022 at 01:27 PM..
Then you're a really bad listener, or perhaps don't understand the English language that well, because she says this less than 40 seconds into the video.
"Should a woman shoot her shot? It's a complicated question."
At no point did she ever say a woman should NEVER shoot her shot.
And then she proceeds to talk like the answer is really simple. Maybe she changed her tone at the end, but she's not real organized and got kind of boring.
Its like listening to one of those barstool geniuses. They've had their two or three shots and proceed to lecture the world, but don't have much interesting to say.
And then she proceeds to talk like the answer is really simple. Maybe she changed her tone at the end, but she's not real organized and got kind of boring.
Just admit you didn't listen. Some people already have admitted as much. That never seems to stop people from weighing in with rigid opinions.
-Most women are not experienced and sophisticated enough to shoot their shot at men. It takes a certain degree of experience to know when a man is really into you and when he isn't and many women lack that experience and groundedness.
-Inexperienced women let their egos get in the way of their ability to spot red flags.
-Women are at a disadvantage because they're already halfway in before they shoot their shot. The only man a woman will shoot her shot at is a man she's absolutely crazy about and attracted to. This clouds her judgment.
-Men are naturally curious. Men are also not used to being approached. If a woman approaches a man, and she's decent-looking, he will entertain her even if he has no real romantic interest in her because he's flattered by the attention.
-Men being curious, they will try to see how far they can go and what they can get out of her. This leads to women spending time with men who ultimately end up hurting them.
-Men go after what they really want. If a man says "I'm not looking for anything right now," then he doesn't like you, full stop. A man would never utter those words to the woman of his dreams because he'd be too afraid of scaring her away.
Thoughts?
Men don't have an easier time with it. You just expected the perform this way.
Maybe it's time women feel this humility is not being wanted maybe it will help them realize what a good deal they had.
Ahh , so what , you can't read around the forums and of the trials women go through too?
l'd say most of them know more about rejection than men actually. Even on date sites the allusion usually turns to mud in the long run that's why so many of them are on 2 and 3 of them at once for yrs on end- and still getting nowhere.
But ah yeah that's right , we're only simple creatures aren't we never the less though, l'd sure agree that some women could certainly use a taste of it too and l'd be just fine with them going for it. Most get bit when they do though , ever noticed ? They usually go after the one guy not really interested but can't see it.
Yes, they should. Same advice that I would give to men: shoot your shot. It will be a yes or a no, or some semblance of nuance involved toward either direction. I wouldn't put much stock in the "worry" about being sidelined by the guy just because the girl asked the guy out first. There is no guarantee that just because the man chooses the woman that the same won't end up happening as comparability metrics get sauced out over time. Two people will get together or they won't. How it goes down doesn't really matter.
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