Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
In my personal experience, there were 2 times in my life where friends tried to set me up with someone, or that "someone" tried to get a friend to approach me, tell me about him, etc. In both instances, I didn't really like it.
In the first instance, it felt weird to me, that people were talking about me, outside of my presence. Maybe it happens a lot, but the fact that one of your friends approaches you and says "I know someone who wants to meet you"...well that means they've been talking about you...and it skeeved me a little.
In the second instance, one of my best friends knew a guy that I USED to know a few years before, who was married when I knew him, but in the subsequent years, had divorced. I was significantly younger than him. My friend and this guy were teachers in the same school. He had done a favor for her, and the 'payment' he wanted was for her to set him up with me. She nagged me to death about this, so I finally agreed to go on ONE date with this guy to get them both off my back.
It was a weird and awkward as anyone can imagine. My friend had basically pimped me out.
IMO, there's no harm in your son approaching Lisa through social media. They're both in their early 20's right? The early 20's are all about networking. How weird would it be for your son to send a friend request with a note saying something like "Hi Lisa! I remember you from College! You were the leader in a couple of groups I was in. I'd love to catch up via Facebook!" What's the harm?
This is very interesting. In the first instance you mention, does this mean that your friend was talking about you outside your presence, or the person that wanted to meet you was talking about you? I suppose your friend first because how would the other person even know about you, if your friend didn't talk about you. Can I ask why does it bother you if people talk about you as long as they aren't gossiping? I personally wouldn't mind people talking about me as long as they are not trying to gossip or destroy my reputation.
I can totally understand the second instance bothering you. Your friend shouldn't be nagging you if she is a good friend.
I suppose my son could try that on social media. He could send her a DM, but if you aren't connected, it might take a while for Lisa to read the DM. Most people on social media have DMs set to go to spam folder if you aren't connected. Lisa would have to intentionally look there. He could try friending her, but I am not positive that Lisa really knows who he is. Lisa was leading the group sessions, and my son was just 1/200 people in the room listening. I'll propose that idea to him.
He also DOES HAVE Lisa's number, but the only reason he has it is because he looked it up on a college database that lists students' numbers, and most people don't even know that that database exists and that their numbers are public on there. The database is used for something completely different and the fact that people's personal numbers are visible on there is not well known, and would likely upset a lot of people if they found out. I suppose he could try texting Lisa what you said, but Lisa might wonder how he got her number. If he tells her that he looked it up, Lisa might feel like she's being stalked and it could turn her off.
All this “my friend asked her friend” business sounds like junior high to me. And Daddy sticking his nose in grown, college graduate son’s potential love life is just bizarre.
I totally agree with this, allow him to make his own mistakes, it's time to let go. Thats the only way we learn by our own mistakes....
During his time in college, there is a girl that he has seen from a distance a few times. This mostly occurred in a few sessions he attended that she was the leader of. They have never talked personally before. We will call this girl "Lisa". Ever since he has first seen Lisa and heard her speak, he has developed an extremely huge crush on her and would really like to pursue this and see if they can go about a relationship together.
IMO it’s an issue that he has a massive crush in someone he’s never even interacted with in person. They’ve never even spoken but has gone to lengths to track her down in a city 2 hours away and have others talk to her or her friends on his behalf and somehow he thinks they can go about a relationship together?
That’s where the creep factor comes in, imo. He couldn’t talk to her in person, but has created a fantasy where she’s just supposed to agree to slot herself into his life and everything will be magical?
A guy who couldn’t even talk to me and I barely know or remember is not my idea of a desirable dating candidate. He needs to move on from this unhealthy crush/obsession with a stranger.
The scenario is different, but the situation is still the same. It's fascinating how this exact situation seems to keep playing out over and over on this section of the forum (someone thinking that because they have the hots for someone, that person then in return must have the same feelings in return, and always finding an excuse to not ask that person out).
There was zero indication that this object of affection was ever interested in the OP's son. I mean, they never even talked the years they were within distance of each other. And she never smiled or even called out to the son when he walked past her. Sure doesn't sound like someone that would be open to a relationship with the son.
And all these plans of contacting her in a roundabout way without directly talking to her face to face is ridiculous, sorry. This isn't grade school. Guys are so afraid of rejection, that they would rather stretch things out and believe in the fantasy that the object of their desire 'loves' them, instead of having their hearts broken by asking and getting turned down.
Good luck to whatever the son plans, but I'd rather spend my time and energy on someone that actually showed clear signs of interest and doesn't' require a phD in psychology to analyze.
The scenario is different, but the situation is still the same. It's fascinating how this exact situation seems to keep playing out over and over on this section of the forum (someone thinking that because they have the hots for someone, that person then in return must have the same feelings in return, and always finding an excuse to not ask that person out).
There was zero indication that this object of affection was ever interested in the OP's son. I mean, they never even talked the years they were within distance of each other. And she never smiled or even called out to the son when he walked past her. Sure doesn't sound like someone that would be open to a relationship with the son.
And all these plans of contacting her in a roundabout way without directly talking to her face to face is ridiculous, sorry. This isn't grade school. Guys are so afraid of rejection, that they would rather stretch things out and believe in the fantasy that the object of their desire 'loves' them, instead of having their hearts broken by asking and getting turned down.
Good luck to whatever the son plans, but I'd rather spend my time and energy on someone that actually showed clear signs of interest and doesn't' require a phD in psychology to analyze.
I highly doubt that the Lisa has the same interest in return. She very likely doesn't if she doesn't even know him. However, feelings can always develop if you try and get to know someone better. Understand?
Honestly, what's making this more difficult is the circumstances rather than the situation itself. He doesn't really know her. He doesn't live close to her and they aren't in the same circles. That is what is making this very difficult. He does go to her town from time to time because he has friends there and other errands he runs from time to time, but it makes it more difficult. She might think, why does he want to get to know a girl that lives 2 hrs away from him?
IMO it’s an issue that he has a massive crush in someone he’s never even interacted with in person. They’ve never even spoken but has gone to lengths to track her down in a city 2 hours away and have others talk to her or her friends on his behalf and somehow he thinks they can go about a relationship together?
That’s where the creep factor comes in, imo. He couldn’t talk to her in person, but has created a fantasy where she’s just supposed to agree to slot herself into his life and everything will be magical?
A guy who couldn’t even talk to me and I barely know or remember is not my idea of a desirable dating candidate. He needs to move on from this unhealthy crush/obsession with a stranger.
IMO it’s an issue that he has a massive crush in someone he’s never even interacted with in person. They’ve never even spoken but has gone to lengths to track her down in a city 2 hours away and have others talk to her or her friends on his behalf and somehow he thinks they can go about a relationship together?
That’s where the creep factor comes in, imo. He couldn’t talk to her in person, but has created a fantasy where she’s just supposed to agree to slot herself into his life and everything will be magical?
A guy who couldn’t even talk to me and I barely know or remember is not my idea of a desirable dating candidate. He needs to move on from this unhealthy crush/obsession with a stranger.
The main reason he didn't talk to her in person before was because he wasn't sure about dating yet, and wasn't ready to get to know a girl for that reason yet. He was a little behind and wasn't ready for a relationship. He has a lot more confidence now than he did back then.
However, what you just mentioned is what makes this situation a lot more complicated. Wanting to get to know a girl that lives long distance from him that he has not even met personally. It's understandable to me but just out of the ordinary and a little strange. Some people might find it very weird.
He wants to talk to her in person. He would text her in a heart beat but just wants to go about this in as little creepy of a way as possible. Would you find it creepy if a guy you didn't really know but just knew about that you've seen at a certain gathering, randomly texted you out of nowhere expressing desire to get to know you better? A guy that lived 2 hrs away from you. How would you respond to that?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
