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Well, I do have to say that you are NOT in a relationship with someone until both of you have confirmed it and have agreed to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. Prior to that moment, it is just casual dates, getting to know each other, and it is not a serious relationship. Therefore, I don't see how they can consider themself in a real relationship with someone unless they have both agreed to it. I would never agree to be in an actual dating relationship with someone before I know them. Yes, I might want to casually date and get to know them, but as for boyfriend/girlfriend, that comes later.
My son is more confident now and I am not worried about that. If he meets her, he will talk to her with confidence, I am sure of that.
To be honest, I really do not understand all the troubles about long distance relationships. What difference does it make? If you both like each other, try to see as much as you can and you can do FaceTime dates, etc. Maybe even consider moving closer. I just do not get why distance is such a barrier and turn off to some people like that.
There are a lot of ifs here. Being confident now changes nothing. She not interested in dating so all this fantasizing seems pointless.
You are both acting like Lisa is the only woman on the planet.
There are a lot of ifs here. Being confident now changes nothing. She not interested in dating so all this fantasizing seems pointless.
You are both acting like Lisa is the only woman on the planet.
Well to be honest, my son thinks a little differently than the average person. He forms connections and attachments in different ways that are completely out of the ordinary.
For him it's often he is not looking for a girlfriend, but he just wants to date "this specific person". He often builds relationships and forms attachments in a much more targeted way compared to the average person.
Even when it comes to making platonic guy friends, he will often hear about a guy or see someone from a distance and then try to talk to him and try and befriend him. He can get really attached and fixated on people that he barely even knows, and sometimes he's even obsessed over a few people that he's heard about that he has never even met in person at all.
He's approached platonic friendships in this way and sometimes it has worked out well for him and other times it has just creeped people out and pushed them away. I told him that he is definitely different, and that is something to be proud of. But he just needs to know that you win some and you lose some, and it won't always work out the way he is hoping for.
I think he is very attached to Lisa because he has not ever met any other girl that he is interested in romantically, and that is why he really does not want to screw it up with Lisa and try as hard as possible. However, if she just isn't interested, there's really nothing he can do but just respect her decision and move on.
I do believe though that it is important to take care and watch out how you approach relationships, because the way you approach can definitely be a deciding factor for a girl. I know girls who have turned down guys that they originally liked just because they came on too strong and the girls found them creepy. My son and I just want to make sure that if he gets rejected it is because Lisa just doesn't like him in that way in the first place, and NOT because of a mistake he made that was weird or creepy to her. Understand?
Just because she is not interested in dating now, doesn't mean she won't be interested ever. My son will happily wait it out for Lisa, and he will not move on until Lisa clearly shuts him down 100% and tells him that there is absolutely no chance that she will date him ever, and that she just doesn't want to get to know him or date him like that. His interest in Lisa is absolute and unconditional, with the only exception being if she just does not want to get to know him or date him ever.
Until Lisa completely shuts him down forever, he will not date any other girl because he is saving it for Lisa. I know this might sound weird or terrible to the average person, but it is his choice how he wants to live his life, and as his father I need to love him for who he is. I honestly do admire his loyalty, but just want to make sure he is prepared that Lisa could very well just not be interested in dating him ever and he just needs to accept that if that is the case. I think he will, but he wants to be absolutely sure there is no chance.
Well to be honest, my son thinks a little differently than the average person. He forms connections and attachments in different ways that are completely out of the ordinary.
For him it's often he is not looking for a girlfriend, but he just wants to date "this specific person". He often builds relationships and forms attachments in a much more targeted way compared to the average person.
Even when it comes to making platonic guy friends, he will often hear about a guy or see someone from a distance and then try to talk to him and try and befriend him. He can get really attached and fixated on people that he barely even knows, and sometimes he's even obsessed over a few people that he's heard about that he has never even met in person at all.
This sounds very familiar. I think your son has asked for advice here.
He might be a little bit. I’m not sure. Why do you ask? He’s never been diagnosed. When he was a kid, a few people have asked that, but we never really got him assessed.
Well, I do have to say that you are NOT in a relationship with someone until both of you have confirmed it and have agreed to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. Prior to that moment, it is just casual dates, getting to know each other, and it is not a serious relationship. Therefore, I don't see how they can consider themself in a real relationship with someone unless they have both agreed to it. I would never agree to be in an actual dating relationship with someone before I know them. Yes, I might want to casually date and get to know them, but as for boyfriend/girlfriend, that comes later.
My son is more confident now and I am not worried about that. If he meets her, he will talk to her with confidence, I am sure of that.
To be honest, I really do not understand all the troubles about long distance relationships. What difference does it make? If you both like each other, try to see as much as you can and you can do FaceTime dates, etc. Maybe even consider moving closer. I just do not get why distance is such a barrier and turn off to some people like that.
It's probably a barrier because most normal people want regular sex.
My Oldest Son is in his early 20s and graduated from college last year. During his time in college, there is a girl that he has seen from a distance a few times. This mostly occurred in a few sessions he attended that she was the leader of. They have never talked personally before. We will call this girl "Lisa". Ever since he has first seen Lisa and heard her speak, he has developed an extremely huge crush on her and would really like to pursue this and see if they can go about a relationship together. Lisa is 5 years older than my son, but the way he thinks is mature for his age, and therefore he often likes the older girls because he says that the girls his age or younger just don't have as much of a mature perspective on life in general.
There was one time during his last year of college where My Son told me that he was actually walking past Lisa's house on campus, and she was out on her porch chilling and enjoying the hot weather. However, he was way too scared to approach her or try and start a conversation, so he just kept walking a little and then ran away. Anyways, he has always dreamed of a girlfriend, but has been fairly content and never tried to push for it too hard. That being said, he has not really met or came across any other girls that he has a strong crush and interest in. Lisa is the only one. He's a tough man to please.
Nowadays, My Son lives back home with us as he is job hunting, and working a few part time jobs at the moment. He was recently talking to one of his best friends back from college that now lives about 2 hrs away from us. His best friend asked him if he has any girls on his mind, and my son mentioned Lisa to him, and he really wants to find away to try and ask her out and pursue something. It turns out that Lisa now lives in the same town as my son's best friend, and that the best friend knows Lisa because his best friends is involved in certain gym / workout classes that Lisa is one of the trainers for. However, his best friend and Lisa are not really close outside of that.
His best friend actually is closer with one of Lisa's best friends, so to help my son, he texted Lisa's best friend and mentioned to him that he has a friend that knows about Lisa back from college and that he likes Lisa and is interested in getting to know her better. Without him even mentioning my son's name or who he is at all, her best friend said that "Lisa is very content being single and probably would not like to be set up on a date, so she recommended that he does not bring it up to Lisa, especially since he and Lisa are not close friends outside of the classes. Lisa's best friend promised that she would not tell Lisa about any of this and keep it a secret.
My son was definitely disappointed, and felt a little bummed, but he knows it couldn't have been straight rejection because it didn't directly come from Lisa, and his best friend didn't even mention my son's name at all when he was talking with Lisa's best friend. From what I understand is that Lisa is just not ready for a relationship yet.
Anyways, my question is, do you think there is any way my son might be able to try again in the future? What is really the best way he can go about it? Back during my time, we didn't have social media, etc, so we really never dated in the same way. I am not sure how weird it is in this generation to have feelings for someone that you don't even really know and that lives a distance from you. I don't think it is common, but I have definitely seen crazy things happen before, and my son even has a few stories that he has heard from other friends. Should he maybe try and go through a mutual friend?
He does know Lisa's account on social media but they are not connected, and I told him not to try and connect with Lisa on social media because she doesn't really know who he is, and it could feel creepy. I suppose he could try sending a private message, but I still think it is creepy if you don't know the person. Do you have any advice on how my son can ask this girl out in the least creepy way possible? He really wants to go for Lisa and sees a lot of potential, but he also wants to watch it and not do anything that could potentially push Lisa away. My son and Lisa have a lot of mutual friends, and I just wonder if he can maybe try and set a group activity up with Lisa and others so he can get to know her better? It's hard as well because he doesn't have that many mutual friends in the same area that Lisa lives in, and distance is an obstacle.
What do you all think? Should my son see what he can do, or should he maybe just suck it up and drop it? I honestly support him in this, and they always say, try your best, and if you get rejected, at least you tried.
The part of this that stuck out to me is that he's had this crush and never made a move. That's because he doesn't know how.
The sad thing is is there's no way to figure this out. Also there's another component here that seems strange. You really really wants a girlfriend which would mean he's probably not ready for one. Someone who places a high value on whether or not they can keep a woman around is very easily manipulated by that woman.
Sounds like your son needs to work on his confidence I would do that before I do anything regarding the opposite sex. These ladies will chew him up and spit him out so fast.
Did he ever do any athletic stuff or was he more of a bookworm or a video game nerd?
Well to be honest, my son thinks a little differently than the average person. He forms connections and attachments in different ways that are completely out of the ordinary.
For him it's often he is not looking for a girlfriend, but he just wants to date "this specific person". He often builds relationships and forms attachments in a much more targeted way compared to the average person.
Even when it comes to making platonic guy friends, he will often hear about a guy or see someone from a distance and then try to talk to him and try and befriend him. He can get really attached and fixated on people that he barely even knows, and sometimes he's even obsessed over a few people that he's heard about that he has never even met in person at all.
He's approached platonic friendships in this way and sometimes it has worked out well for him and other times it has just creeped people out and pushed them away. I told him that he is definitely different, and that is something to be proud of. But he just needs to know that you win some and you lose some, and it won't always work out the way he is hoping for.
I think he is very attached to Lisa because he has not ever met any other girl that he is interested in romantically, and that is why he really does not want to screw it up with Lisa and try as hard as possible. However, if she just isn't interested, there's really nothing he can do but just respect her decision and move on.
I do believe though that it is important to take care and watch out how you approach relationships, because the way you approach can definitely be a deciding factor for a girl. I know girls who have turned down guys that they originally liked just because they came on too strong and the girls found them creepy. My son and I just want to make sure that if he gets rejected it is because Lisa just doesn't like him in that way in the first place, and NOT because of a mistake he made that was weird or creepy to her. Understand?
Just because she is not interested in dating now, doesn't mean she won't be interested ever. My son will happily wait it out for Lisa, and he will not move on until Lisa clearly shuts him down 100% and tells him that there is absolutely no chance that she will date him ever, and that she just doesn't want to get to know him or date him like that. His interest in Lisa is absolute and unconditional, with the only exception being if she just does not want to get to know him or date him ever.
Until Lisa completely shuts him down forever, he will not date any other girl because he is saving it for Lisa. I know this might sound weird or terrible to the average person, but it is his choice how he wants to live his life, and as his father I need to love him for who he is. I honestly do admire his loyalty, but just want to make sure he is prepared that Lisa could very well just not be interested in dating him ever and he just needs to accept that if that is the case. I think he will, but he wants to be absolutely sure there is no chance.
Oh dear lord...you've described your son as a stalker. Instead of praising him for this, perhaps get him some therapy?
Just because she is not interested in dating now, doesn't mean she won't be interested ever. My son will happily wait it out for Lisa, and he will not move on until Lisa clearly shuts him down 100% and tells him that there is absolutely no chance that she will date him ever, and that she just doesn't want to get to know him or date him like that. His interest in Lisa is absolute and unconditional, with the only exception being if she just does not want to get to know him or date him ever.
Congratulations, this is called stalking and harassment.
Lisa will do well to get a restraining order on your son.
As an adult, you should know better than to enable this type of creepy abnormal behavior. Not interested means not interested. It doesn't mean "check back latter, wait for me, stalk me, and don't let go until I have to be ruder to you and let you know I don't want you."
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