Do girls really like guys who have experience? (Christian, wife, boyfriends)

[wclac]

Originally Posted by allforcats

Hi LAFan Relax.
Everyone is unique, and has their own opinions. This is exactly as the world should be. Some people understand only their own experience, or their own observations, and choose to believe that everyone else is just like that. Other people use their imaginations, and can see that people are all different.

I'm sure your father wants you to live the life that will give you the most happiness. But there are other realities out there besides his.

1. Nonsense. That's like saying girls would only want a guy with a log cabin. Huh??? Every girl is unique, and you are unique too. Would you want only a girl who's a basketball player? Think of all those girls who are waiting for marriage to make love; one of them is waiting for YOU.

2. Nonsense. Many women don't want children, just as many men don't want children. We're not living on farms in central Europe in the Middle Ages anymore -- we don't needs lots of little hands to tend the crops, so we don't need lots of children. In fact, the world has too much population as it is for the huge quantities of resources they need which simply are not available.

3. Nonsense. Childfree women are no different from -- child-encumbered women, or childfree men, or child-encumbered men. "Women who are childfree are no good and are male users" is exactly the same as saying "Men who want children are evil and stupid" or "All teenagers are insane" or "Guys between the ages of 15 and 25 are all excellent at math" which you know isn't true. Blanket statements, about anything, are untrue.

4. You're "too young" for what?? You're exactly the right age for you!! You are absolutely where you should be in life! -- not too old and not too young. You are just right. And when you're a little older, you'll be just right for you then. You're always exactly where you should be.

5. Yes, you WILL change your mind, a gazillion times in the course of your life, about a gazillion things -- and changing your mind is the sign of a wise, free-flowing spirit who lives life instead of pushing against it. You will learn, observe, grow, change, choose, become, unfold, evolve -- and in that never-ending process your ideas will change and your desires will change. When you know new knowledge, and when you gain new understanding of yourself, you will make new choices -- and that is a nourishing, free way to live a human life.

6. Probably some girls do. Probably some girls don't. But CERTAINLY the girls who don't really like guys with experience, and the girls who don't care one way or the other, and the girls who are themselves waiting for marriage before making love, are not really likely to want a guy who has experience. Wow! That's a whole lot of girls for you!

7. You're about as "doomed to be single forever" as anyone else of any age at any time in human history. Life is a journey, on paths you yourself choose and create and shape to your liking. There's no such thing as "doomed". There is only what you yourself choose.


LAFan, all is well throughout the Universe forever, so everything always has a happy ending. Know that you are wonderful. Go forth in joy, and focus on doing what you love!

I'll change my mind? You kinda sound like my dad. He was disappointed when I told him the truth on what I really thought about kids, but yet. he still ignored my words, which caused me to respond in anger and some profanity.

[wclac]

Originally Posted by Lindsey_Mcfarren

Experience is one thing but when a guy has spread it around so much that he is a male w***e then thats a HUGE turn off.

I normally don't say this about my folks, but my dad is a man-w***e. I think he's trying to put pressure on me to have sex. I don't want sex right now for a number of reasons.

1) I never want to get anyone pregnant.
2) I don't want to get an STD.
3) I'm not married.
4) I'm not vasectomied.

[allforcats]

Originally Posted by LAFan

I'll change my mind?

Too bad you chose to pay no attention. Why did you ask us your questions if you choose to ignore our answers?

[wclac]

Originally Posted by allforcats

Too bad you chose to pay no attention. Why did you ask us your questions if you choose to ignore our answers?

To get other's opinion because my dad was really messing with my mind. And when you said I'll change my mind, I hope you was joking there. And plus, I didn't ignore the answers. I read everything. But if its one thing I see, then I comment based on that.

[Ivorytickler]

I'd be far more worried about too much experience than too little. It could be fun figuring things out together.

[MagicTouch]

LAFan - Personally experience means nothing, because everyone is different. Different likes, different dislikes, willingness to experiment or not, and all have different boundaries.

About having children, that is a personal choice. I have friends without children who have wonderful lives, as well as those with children. Again everyone is unique.

About what allforcats stated about changing your mind, I don't believe this was directed at the specifics of having children or not. There are so many choices in life that at this moment may not be a fit for you. At some point later in life you may change your mind on something and then again you may not. Your life is yours to live the way that best suits you, as long as you do no harm to others.

I have 3 adult sons and my only wish for them in life is to be happy and succeed in what ever they chose to do. My only caveat for them as it is for you, live your life the way that makes you happy, do what makes you happy, but in that pursuit do no harm to others.

Best wishes to you today and always.

[driftwoodpoint]

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders! You know what you want and have standards. You will find someone who feels the same way you are and that will be great. Your dad is welcome to his opinions but you also have the right to set your own standards.
You go girl!!!

[bluegrassgirl]

Fan, Your dad has some very deep issues. He apparently equates having sex with some neanderthal idea that makes one a man. He's very wrong. I'd give anything if my adult son had waited for that truly special one. He wouldn't be the father of a five month old son - not that I don't love the baby now that's he's here.

I have an 18 year old daughter who has not had sex. I so hope and pray that she waits until she does find the one she'll marry.

As a middle aged woman I was recently in a serious relationship and one of the things that attracted me to this man (a widow) was the fact that he hasn't slept all over town in the many years he's been single. I hadn't neither - he was the only one. You don't have to sleep with multiple partners to be a good lover. That's ignorant. Apparently your dad believes that notches on his belt is proof that he's good in bed. Got news for him - that attitude alone would mean I wouldn't be interested in him!

You keep doing what's right for you. I believe you're headed down a much happier road of life than your dad.

[SifuPhil]

Originally Posted by k374

...One thing that thrills one woman is an absolute turn off to another, you have to learn on the fly how to please your partner...so how does experience with previous partners help in that regard?

Because at least theoretically, the number of ways to please a woman is NOT infinite - so if you have X amount of experience with others, you're sure to see some repetition at some point.

[revelated]

The dad is as sane as they come. Women who are offended are saying he's not. He was probably a playboy back in his younger years where women fell all over him. But he's still human and believes what he believes. That doesn't make him less sane.

I've not been sexually active by choice. There's a debate in my inner circle about whether I'm truly a "virgin" or not, because I do like 12 Play. Put it this way...the only thing I have not done, is park the long black limousine in two of the three tunnels, and it wasn't the obvious tunnel that it did get parked in.

Anyway....true stories:

I met a girl last year who seemed nice. We talked for a long time, she seemed really into me. I told her (as I always do) that I had never been sexually active by choice - and all of a sudden she doesn't want to talk to me anymore because she doesn't "...want to take that". I told her I wasn't trying to screw her, we just started talking last week; why would that impact her ability to connect with me? If we're dating for a year or whatever, isn't it possible that the feeling might change? She was rigid.

Another girl though, I met also last year, was aroused by the notion that she was going to have to "teach".

What I noticed about women, is that if they haven't been very sexually active, maybe one or two total partners, they're really looking for someone with experience; don't know why that matters. If she's a total nympho, she's likely to be aroused by the thought, because it means (in her mind, not reality) that she can teach the guy how to please her properly. Conversely I'd rather find a virgin girl or one that maybe had sex a couple of times and didn't like it, than a chick who couldn't keep her legs closed. Unfortunately...the former is extremely rare compared to the latter within my age radius. Even if I broke the law and went with girls under 18, the latter would still win out. Which is disconcerting. Thus I focus on bettering myself and ignoring the fairer sex as far as relationships.

By default though women distrust a guy who claims to not have had sexual relations before, especially a guy at my age. Unfortunately, I'm too analytical and picky...there are 100's of things that run through my head that prevent me from even getting to that point. Also the body has to be just right...and the women who have "just right" bodies are either (a) involved, (b) lesbian or (c) too young.

As far as kids, I won't be having them, mostly because I feel that I'm too old to raise a child at this point. My colleagues scoff at me when I say that, but it's how I feel. In my mind, the "child rearing age" is 21-25. Anything after that is a little pushing. Part of that is ego - If I were to have a kid, I'd want to be the hottest, coolest dad up in the PTA meetings. If I'm old and gray by the time my child graduates high school, it just doesn't feel good. So no children for me. I was open to it, but now, no.