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He is ignorant. I hate to say, but he is. He doesn't listen to a word I say. He always disagrees and wants everyone to believe that having a relationship with kids is right. He's pretty old school.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bellestaroftexas
i take offense to that remark about childfree women. i am 43 years old and have been married a few times to men who also did not want children.
i CHOSE to not have children. i am not the "mommy" type. i simply lack maternal instincts. to be frank, i wouldn't have the patience for raising a child. i have little tolerance for toddlers and their tantrums, and all the other challenges of bringing up a child. i consider myself SMART to have made the choice not to have a child. if i had done so, just because of fear of being ostracized, the child would have grown up in a very unhappy home. think about all the irresponsible women who dont practice birth control and have unplanned pregnancies and become negligent in the care of their children, or abusive, or unable to financially provide for the child? so just because they have children, that makes them "good" versus women like me without children, "no good"
so according to your dad, being childfree makes me "no good"? hmmm i wonder if he will think i am "no good" when i save his life when he comes into my ER with a heart attack or victim of some trauma????? huh?
your dad sounds IGNORANT. you can tell him i said so.
The guys with less experience are the best. You get to teach them what you like and they will be the ones who will please you the most. The guys with more experience tend to act like they know what they are doing end up not pleasing you as much as the eager new learner.
Don't listen to your dad, he doesn't know what you want or what's best for you. Honestly he sounds a tad, bitter.
But anyways, there's a reason your parents can't make decisions for you at a certain age.
He's an old drunk. I had to take a few days out of the house, away from him.
I see absolutely NOTHING selfish about not wanting kids, and a child-free person isn't necessarily lonely. Depends on how they manage their lives. Finally, kids are a blessing to those who want them (and to those who learn to love them, even if they were unplanned.)
This comment caught my eye. This guy had his own comments of some questions, so I have my own answers.
1. What about leaving a legacy, giving to the world?
I'm looking forward to being an electrician, save more cash, and have more life and travel opportunities.
I don't need children to leave a legacy.
2. What if you want children later?
Well everyday, we all make choices that will affect our future lives permanently. Will having kids effect my life, future, and plans. I suppose so.
3. What if your future spouse wants children? Isn't it selfish to sterilise yourself before you marry?
I don't think so. Lets say if I was with a woman who claimed she never wanted kids, but she ends up changing her mind and won't change back, I have no choice but to end the relationship. I think its best if CF men got sterilized, then found the right woman who's confident with the decision, then later have an intimate relationship with her.
4. Isn't it selfish to not have children?
Of course not. Neither did Jesus. Selfishness or its lack is in how you live your life, not in how many children you have. I do believe it is selfish if you have kids just because... and not take care of them.
When I was in my mid-20s it was "cute" to "teach" my boyfriends, it was enpowering! But as I aged I found the guys with alot of experience were more confident and knew what to do and had tricks of their own, and that was much more satisfying.
I prefer a man with expereince - I'm done with the "green peas"
(My husband has had a bunch and it doesn't bother me in the least)
When I was in my mid-20s it was "cute" to "teach" my boyfriends, it was enpowering! But as I aged I found the guys with alot of experience were more confident and knew what to do and had tricks of their own, and that was much more satisfying.
I prefer a man with expereince - I'm done with the "green peas"
(My husband has had a bunch and it doesn't bother me in the least)
This post is off-topic from the whole experience question, but I'm commenting on a post written by the original poster:
Quote:
Originally Posted by LAFan
This comment caught my eye. This guy had his own comments of some questions, so I have my own answers.
1. What about leaving a legacy, giving to the world?
I'm looking forward to being an electrician, save more cash, and have more life and travel opportunities.
I don't need children to leave a legacy.
2. What if you want children later?
Well everyday, we all make choices that will affect our future lives permanently. Will having kids effect my life, future, and plans. I suppose so.
3. What if your future spouse wants children? Isn't it selfish to sterilise yourself before you marry?
I don't think so. Lets say if I was with a woman who claimed she never wanted kids, but she ends up changing her mind and won't change back, I have no choice but to end the relationship. I think its best if CF men got sterilized, then found the right woman who's confident with the decision, then later have an intimate relationship with her.
4. Isn't it selfish to not have children?
Of course not. Neither did Jesus. Selfishness or its lack is in how you live your life, not in how many children you have. I do believe it is selfish if you have kids just because... and not take care of them.
I'm pretty much in agreeement with you on most of the above:
1) my hubby and I have 2 kids, but both kids are adopted. That means we're not leaving a biological legacy, which is what most people think of as a legacy. This doesn't bother us in the slightest bit, though it used to bother hubby before he got used to the idea. He has recently said it no longer matters.
2) If you want kids later, being male (unless you get a vasectomy,) you probably can. Even with a vasectomy, they are sometimes reversible. Not that you specifically will change your mind .
3) This is the one murky area. In my teens, I thought for sure I'd want kids and I was looking forward to it. In my 20s, I was SURE I never wanted kids and I was horrified when my friends started having babies. I was traveling the world and working jobs where I couldn't possibly have a child and that was the way I loved it. Children weren't in my future, I was sure. In my early 30s, I still was pretty sure kids weren't in my future. I also didn't have a spouse, so this made the thought of not having kids easier. In my mid-30s, I met and married my first spouse who said he wanted kids. Then I did kind of want kids. I thought our kids would be cute, and my biological clock was beginning to become alarmingly loud. By my late 30s, I was desperate to have at least one child, but hubby said he'd been lying all along and didn't want kids. We divorced. I remarried a guy who was equally as eager to have kids. We couldn't get pregnant, so we adopted, and 99.9% of the time, we're totally overjoyed we did. We DO miss our childfree days sometimes, but that's normal.
SOOOO, as you can see, I changed my mind several times as I aged. I think women are more fluid in their thoughts about having kids. The fact that I changed my mind has a lot to do with where my life was in relation to my jobs (early on, my jobs weren't compatible with having kids and I LOVED my jobs then, so kids were on a way way back burner or not even on the stove.) When I left that job, life for me slowed down (not in a bad way,) and I began to think that kids could be in my future. That feeling intensified as I got older. I think this happens with a lot of women who once thought they didnt' want kids. THIS is what you need to be prepared for and I know of no way that you can verify with anybody that even though they say now they never want kids, that that is the way they'll feel in 15 years. Things DO change. They did with me. I do not consider myself a weak person for changing my views on having kids. My life situation changed over the years, making having a child possible and then, later, desirable. A lot of living happened in my life between when I first thought about being a mom (when I was a kid) to when I actually adopted my first daughter at 45. I went back and forth and up and down. I'm curious about other women and whether they also were as up and down in their desire to have kids as I was.
4) I don't equate selfishness with childlessness at all.
My thought is that you want to marry fairly young (I'm guessing this as I know you're saving yourself for marriage and I'm not sure how long anybody can wait - I sure wouldn't have been able to wait until 35 when I first got married .) If I married at 25, I would have told my future husband that I was happy not having kids. But, had he asked me if I NEVER wanted kids, I'm not sure I would have been able to answer that question definitively. There are women, I'm sure, who know they don't want kids, but there is absolutely no way to be totally sure, unless you find a woman who, for whatever reason, cannot have kids. BUt then again, I couldn't have kids biologically, and I still have 2.
So, I feel like I've done nothign positive for you in this post, and I'm sorry. I think part of this post has to do with the whole changing the mind thing that you (and I) have written about. I know, looking back, that I did change my mind and I believe that is completely normal. Most people DO marry earlier than I did and many don't have jobs where it would be impossible to have a child (like I did.) I was out of the country about 50% of the time in countries where health care was spotty at best (places I'd never take a baby to.) So, my situation may have been different, but still, I think women tend to be more fluid in their decision to have (or not have) a child than many men I have met who are sure they don't want them.
My thought is that you want to marry fairly young (I'm guessing this as I know you're saving yourself for marriage and I'm not sure how long anybody can wait - I sure wouldn't have been able to wait until 35 when I first got married .) If I married at 25, I would have told my future husband that I was happy not having kids. But, had he asked me if I NEVER wanted kids, I'm not sure I would have been able to answer that question definitively. There are women, I'm sure, who know they don't want kids, but there is absolutely no way to be totally sure, unless you find a woman who, for whatever reason, cannot have kids. BUt then again, I couldn't have kids biologically, and I still have 2.
So, I feel like I've done nothign positive for you in this post, and I'm sorry. I think part of this post has to do with the whole changing the mind thing that you (and I) have written about. I know, looking back, that I did change my mind and I believe that is completely normal. Most people DO marry earlier than I did and many don't have jobs where it would be impossible to have a child (like I did.) I was out of the country about 50% of the time in countries where health care was spotty at best (places I'd never take a baby to.) So, my situation may have been different, but still, I think women tend to be more fluid in their decision to have (or not have) a child than many men I have met who are sure they don't want them.
Well, probably marry around 25-30. I don't know. Probably when I'm in my 30s, because maybe there would be a woman who is my type by then, because most girls my age pretty much aren't. Where I live, young people have kids and aren't married, maybe later on or probably never
I don't want kids because I don't think I have what it takes. I pretty much would suck as a parent. When I was under 15, I thought I wanted kids, but realized it was for the wrong reasons. I thought I was suppose to have kids, but as I got older I realized I would be awful. My dad wants grandchildren to keep the name going. Screw that! I'm thinking changing my name, which I know he'll get very upset but I really don't care.
As far as women and kids, if I was in an intimate relationship and she ended up changing her mind, I'll be screwed thinking "What a waste of marriage if someone is going to change her mind".
So you've adopted. You still have to pay for child support and all that?
So you've adopted. You still have to pay for child support and all that?
Do you mean if my hubby and I split up? Yes, of course. They're the same as any biological children. We adopted them when we were a couple. If he wasn't amenable to adopting (or vice versa,) we would not have been able to adopt. Both members of a couple have to agree that adopting is what they want to do. Adopting is so complicated, you couldn't go through an entire adoption without being totally certain this is what you wanted to do. It's not like getting pregnant by mistake. You can't adopt by mistake. (Not that a child who is conceived by mistake wouldn't be loved, of course!!!)
I do understand how you feel with the 'this was a waste of a marriage' (though at first I was taken aback by how you wrote that.) To be honest, that IS how I felt when hubby #1 changed his mind about having kids and decided he didn't want to. However, with me, I was exceedingly mad because he strung me along during the last of my fertile years, only to decide he didn't want kids. That is cruel. However, I can forgive him now because I've got my two wonderful girls that I never would have adopted if things had been different. If we had been a solid couple with NO other issues, maybe I would have learned to live childless, but there were many other issues.
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Something interesting...
.) If I married at 25, I would have told my future husband that I was happy not having kids. But, had he asked me if I NEVER wanted kids, I'm not sure I would have been able to answer that question definitively. There are women, I'm sure, who know they don't want kids, but there is absolutely no way to be totally sure, unless you find a woman who, for whatever reason, cannot have kids. BUt then again, I couldn't have kids biologically, and I still have 2. 
