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How is that mean??? My mom (her sister) tried to help...she even lived with us for a year with her 2 kids.....we totally supported her and helped her find a job and get an appartment and spent so much time and money on her just to have her abandon every chance she had at a normal life and go back to this jerk who continued and still continues to beat her......how is anyone supposed to feel bad for somone like that? She could have easily left but it was her choice to stay knowing what it was like so no, i don't feel bad for her at all.
FWIW people saying 5 minutes in the mall won't make a difference, how do you know? I know if someone had stood up for me, it would have given me a bit of confidence. It would have created a spark, maybe I shouldn't be treated like this, maybe someone else will value me, maybe I could have a happier life.
And maybe you would have trotted right back home behind your man to face the consequences of the event in the mall, allowing him to be humiliated.
If you knew anything about these abusive relationships, you'd know that's how it often goes. The abuser isn't going to blame himself for the punch some stranger gave him in the face on your behalf. He's going to blame the victim like he always does. Most likely he'll accuse you of having an affair with this stranger or at the very least flirting with him.
The only way is to remove the victim from the abusive home. Allowing her to follow the abuser home is just inviting more danger to her.
If you want to intervene for victims you don't know, instead of taking a chance of escalating the violence, make sure you remove her completely from the abuser.
Also it sends the wrong message -- that she can always expect a knight in shining armor to come to her rescue when instead she needs to make the decision to leave the relationship, move out of the home, get a restraining order placed on her abuser.
You aren't going to be home with her later that night to stop whatever else is going to happen. You aren't going to be there to defend her from the accusations, his hurt pride and whatever other wounds you inflicted on him. Don't believe that an abusive man is simply going to come home from the mall, bandage himself up and become a sweet guy from then on.
And maybe you would have trotted right back home behind your man to face the consequences of the event in the mall, allowing him to be humiliated.
If you knew anything about these abusive relationships, you'd know that's how it often goes. The abuser isn't going to blame himself for the punch some stranger gave him in the face on your behalf. He's going to blame the victim like he always does. Most likely he'll accuse you of having an affair with this stranger or at the very least flirting with him.
The only way is to remove the victim from the abusive home. Allowing her to follow the abuser home is just inviting more danger to her.
If you want to intervene for victims you don't know, instead of taking a chance of escalating the violence, make sure you remove her completely from the abuser.
You are correct. That is most likely what will happen. And, that is the abuser's reasoning.
You see, he's got to keep her convinced that there's no way out and that he's the only one who "loves" her. So, nothing like a good beating to humiliate her further.
I have so much I could add to this conversation... but, it seems that it makes no difference.
Even Oprah had a show yesterday which promoted citizen involvement.
If people personally know someone who is being abused, a neighbor, a friend, a co-worker... THEN you might be able to help. You can report the abuse to agencies that offer support. They know how to make contact and let them know that there is a way out.
Many of these women (I would say MOST of them but I have no statistics) have no support system. No where to go.
That's another reason they stay.
Unless you're ready to offer them a viable solution and be there to support them... you need to leave them alone....
There are good reasons why the location of shelters for abused women are kept anonymous.
Yes, that's why it would be better for a woman to approach the victim, give her a card or a number she can call so that she knows how she can leave the relationship. Let her know there are places she can go and things she can do to change her situation.
Or get involved in victims shelters and make sure you get the word out that no one has to take abuse.
FWIW people saying 5 minutes in the mall won't make a difference, how do you know? I know if someone had stood up for me, it would have given me a bit of confidence. It would have created a spark, maybe I shouldn't be treated like this, maybe someone else will value me, maybe I could have a happier life.
Good point...you never know what interactions in life, no matter how big or how small, can change another life...I am so glad you are in a healthy place now.
You are obviously an idiot. I quoted your exact words so I could let everyone know exactly how much of an idiot you are.
#1. We never had a woman president, or a woman vice president. They were running for office. 1 didn't get elected, the other dropped out.
#2. You are a troll looking to start trouble.
#3. Have you ever been repeatedly pushed around by anyone who you couldn't physically control? Don't you think if you were, you'd be scared to leave #1, and #2 do everything you could to subdue the situation and the aggressor? That's what women do, they are scared to leave, try to tell people what's going on but usually no one believes them or doesn't want to get involved, and they try to calm the abuser in various ways so it doesn't get worse.
#4. Your brother should be commended, and maybe he only stepped in because he was drunk and not thinking of being scared, but whatever he is still a hero!!!
#5. I bet if he went to that girl later and tried to get her to leave the dude, he would have succeeded.
#6. Women, nor anyone else likes to get treated like ****. Some people may be used to it, but they don't like it and would leave if they knew how to.
#7. You are a moron. I bet that girl at the mall, never let guys come near her, or even looked at other guys for fear that her stellar boyfriend would kick her ass, so she probably never knew how cute she really is and how many other dudes she could get.
OMJ you are totally right you couldnt have said it any better kewdose!!! seriously!!!!
"I got flowers today. It wasn't my birthday or any other special day.
We had our first argument last night, and he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me.
I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today. It wasn't our anniversary or any special day.
Last night he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare. I couldn't believe it was real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over.
I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today, and it wasn't Mother's Day or any other special day.
Last night he beat me up again, and it was much worse than all the other times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I'm afraid of him and scared to leave.
But I know he must be sorry. Because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today. Today was a very special day.
It was the day of my funeral.
Last night he finally killed me. He beat me to death.
If only I had gathered the courage and strength to leave him.
If only I had gathered the courage and strength to leave him.
I would not have gotten flowers today".
It doesn't take courage and strength. It takes de-programming your brain. You must loose all emotion, compassion, faith and trust that you have for him. Unfortunately, you end up loosing it for everyone else around you too.
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seriously!!!!
