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No way Jose!!!! If I had teenage drivers, I would tighten the leash even further. All cellphones to be turned off while driving. No other kids in the car. I don't even want them tinkering with a GPS unit. Wherever they need to go, they will look it up on a map before they leave the house. No meandering in the car or any side trips. Driving is a privilege, not a right. At their age, it's not as if they could afford a car on their own. They will also attend autocross events with mom and dad to improve their car control skills. They will also learn how to maintain a car, change the oil, check the fluid levels and tire air pressures, and change a flat tire. Even the girls would have to go through this.
And before the age of 25, young people's decision making skills are actually very very poor and they are most likely to succumb to peer pressures to do stupid things.
That's true that decision making skills are not developed fully until 25. BUT, unfortunately, the law calls them adults at 18. The only way you can control an 18-24 year old is through financial things. And I don't want to be financially supporting my kid at 23/24 (I WILL through college though with a clear ending at 22).
You HAVE to let go a little bit. Being THIS strict (in so far as NO other kids in the car ever, no meandering or side trips, etc.) will probably result in far more consequences than being too lenient. As far as TRAINING and TEACHING them how to drive well and how to maintain a car, that's absolutely necessary IMO.
I have kids in that age range and I know parents who seem like they are trying to get them married off, or at least get them a boy friend to pay for every thing and drive them around, its a pain in the neck to have to pick up and drop off my girl saturday nights ( which means I can't drink or go out ) , but I would rather do it than have some 16 year old "nice" boy doing it . Because when they drive off in the car you better be able to trust them.
How will you stop them from having others in the car besides buying a two seater? They are going to do it anyway...although I am tempted to have a tracker in my kids car when the time comes.
As a parent, I think I'll WANT to pay for my kids' college so that I maintain some level of control and help make sure that they do not make terrible choices (because they are still not fully mature yet). However, I will not be nit-picking at the littlest things then or even by the time they are 16. You've got to let them grow up sometime....coddling them as little infants and making every single decision for them until they're 25 will turn out as a disaster.
Some of these kids are like McGiver or they must work for the CIA , they will drop off their car and phone where they are suposed to be, and borrow another phone and car and do what they like, there are also kids who drive drunk kids cars home for them , so when mom a dad wake up they see their kid in bed and the car out front.
Last edited by thriftylefty; 02-14-2009 at 04:08 PM..
Reason: Punct.
If I had kids, they wouldn't be encouraged to have girlfriends or boyfriends until they were college age or older. I wouldn't even let my girls get dressed up sexy until they were 21.
that is not realistic, however, nor does it show respect for a young adult making their own decisions.
And as far as what a parent "lets" a kid do, it can totally blow up in their face. My son's friend in high school came from a very strict Asian family that had cultural and family values similar to what miu describes in her post. His life was jam-packed with academics and extracurricular activities. This young man was a brilliant scholar, an accomplished athlete (swimmer), and an award-winning musician (played the violin in the orchestra and also paid gigs as part of a string quartet booked a year in advance).
These well-meaning parents had a list of ironclad rules what he could and could not do and continued to try to exert that level of control through his high school years. This young man's greatest joy was his swimming, and in high school he expressed the desire to give up violin (which he had done since age 3 or 4 or something) so he could continue to compete on the swim team. His parents refused. They told him he must continue violin through college, and after he graduated college at age 22 or 24, he could then give up violin.
Like miu says, they saw his life as theirs to structure the way they saw fit until he was "old enough to know what he was doing" which to them was around age 25 after college.
This young man was an absolute gem, I got to know him through my sons. He was very respectful and clear in what he asked of his parents, simply to continue swimming and give up violin to allow that. He was winning swimming events both individually and on the swim team. Again his parents refused to budge one inch, and to me this shows no matter how well meaning the parents are, a remarkable disregard for their son's abilities, and his desire to build his own life.
There was the whole Asian honor thing, the whole cultural family values thing, it was an incredible amount of pressure on this young man. Well, they not only wouldn't let him quit violin, they made him give up swimming altogether, just on principle. It was a battle of wills between the young man and his parents. It also was tearing their family apart, the mother was heartbroken to see her son's desires go unfulfilled, the tension between the mother and father reached a point where they were not speaking, it was horrible all the way around.
What happened was that the day the young man turned 18 he joined the military. He did it so he could swim and continue the pursuits he loved that his parents refused to allow him to participate in. My son said it was the only way he could get out from under his father's rule, from under his parents' demands on him.
To me it is supremely disrespectful to send the message to a young person that they are incapable of making their own life decisions. It's his life. It's his decisions. As parents they learned that the hard way. This young man has the courage and dignity to live his own life and make his own decisions. I applaud him for that.
I think that I'd let my children, if I had any, date at 13.
They can't get very far, so I could keep an eye on them. With the correct amount of parental supervision, theoretically at least they could learn some important lessons about self-respect, emotions and dealing with relationships under the watchful eye of a parent. It's a much safer environment to learn about romance, sex and life.
I'd rather they date when parents have more control over children than waiting til later, when they have cars or (ugh) their boyfriends/girlfriends have cars.
that is not realistic, however, nor does it show respect for a young adult making their own decisions.
And as far as what a parent "lets" a kid do, it can totally blow up in their face. My son's friend in high school came from a very strict Asian family that had cultural and family values similar to what miu describes in her post. His life was jam-packed with academics and extracurricular activities. This young man was a brilliant scholar, an accomplished athlete (swimmer), and an award-winning musician (played the violin in the orchestra and also paid gigs as part of a string quartet booked a year in advance).
These well-meaning parents had a list of ironclad rules what he could and could not do and continued to try to exert that level of control through his high school years. This young man's greatest joy was his swimming, and in high school he expressed the desire to give up violin (which he had done since age 3 or 4 or something) so he could continue to compete on the swim team. His parents refused. They told him he must continue violin through college, and after he graduated college at age 22 or 24, he could then give up violin.
Like miu says, they saw his life as theirs to structure the way they saw fit until he was "old enough to know what he was doing" which to them was around age 25 after college.
This young man was an absolute gem, I got to know him through my sons. He was very respectful and clear in what he asked of his parents, simply to continue swimming and give up violin to allow that. He was winning swimming events both individually and on the swim team. Again his parents refused to budge one inch, and to me this shows no matter how well meaning the parents are, a remarkable disregard for their son's abilities, and his desire to build his own life.
There was the whole Asian honor thing, the whole cultural family values thing, it was an incredible amount of pressure on this young man. Well, they not only wouldn't let him quit violin, they made him give up swimming altogether, just on principle. It was a battle of wills between the young man and his parents. It also was tearing their family apart, the mother was heartbroken to see her son's desires go unfulfilled, the tension between the mother and father reached a point where they were not speaking, it was horrible all the way around.
What happened was that the day the young man turned 18 he joined the military. He did it so he could swim and continue the pursuits he loved that his parents refused to allow him to participate in. My son said it was the only way he could get out from under his father's rule, from under his parents' demands on him.
To me it is supremely disrespectful to send the message to a young person that they are incapable of making their own life decisions. It's his life. It's his decisions. As parents they learned that the hard way. This young man has the courage and dignity to live his own life and make his own decisions. I applaud him for that.
I guess I should have made MY point more clear. The only thing I would try to control my kid on through college would be major life decisions that could have lasting negative impacts. As far as positive activities and interests, I would never try to control that.
Kids can drive as early as 16 years old. That's two whole years until they turn 18. There is nothing wrong with them getting around on a bicycle. And I don't think that any parent owes their child access to a car anytime they want. Autocross will help their driving skills and I'd have them drive me around as much as possible. As to having no other kids in the car, I think that MA has some laws regarding that. Plus if their friends don't have access to a car to drive, it's not my problem and not my kid's responsibility to give them rides. And they can blame mean old mom for not letting them be a chauffeur for their friends. It's just that simple.
I remember visiting friends in Boca Raton and passing the high school as school was letting out. I guess I would be that mean parent that's not giving their kid a car to drive back and forth from school in. And I'm not going to play the game of keeping up with the Joneses either. I didn't have my first car until after college and I survived just fine.
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