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I can't see how any parent could choose a sex partner over their own children. I guess it's the sex -- getting laid means more to this woman than her children, but it's likely the case with their father also but he wasn't mentioned.
When we see a stepfather/mother or a father/stepmother in court, we very rarely see the other parent show up or be involved.
Was in Juvenile Court today and mother tells judge why she thinks her 15 yr old son should go home (rather than stay in Juv. Hall) that he's really a good kid, but then she openly states that her husband, the stepfather, has never accepted her son and doesn't want him to come home or be around. That he's been that way since she started dating him.
I wanted to ask her, "And why did you marry this guy? And why are you still going home to this guy?" She has three sons and stated that her husband wants everything his way to the point that he won't even let one of her sons eat with them at the kitchen table for dinner.
This is not the first time this situation has come up. Often, kids end up in suitable placement simply because a stepparent decides they don't want them at home anymore, and the biological parent goes along with this. I can understand it when a kid has some major problems, but I've seen this with kids who are just there for a petty theft (stole gum from Walmart kind of thing).
So why, I ask, do people end up marrying (or even dating) someone that can't accept their children into their lives? Wouldn't that be a dealbreaker for just about any parent?
No. Not every parent is particularly interested in parenting. Food, clothes, and shelter is the most many kids will ever get from home, if that. Caring, kindness, moral support, being there...many parents can't go that extra mile. They are just incapable.
I don't understand it either. This sort of thing drives me crazy and you see it all the time.
Everyday I hear over and over, TV, movies, the news, at work, "family is everything" "kids are everything" "I'd do anything for my kids"
and everyday I look around and see many people doing anything but.
I'm gonna be the voice against the crowd on this one. Some kids have real problems. Maybe the lady's husband is more into the idea of protecting her, and can see the picture more clearly.
Yes, it would be a horrible thing to marry someone who doesn't like your child. But, if the kid has serious issues, and he's sitting in juvenile court (for not the first time) it's quite possible that step-dad is just approaching the issue without the rose colored glasses, and realizes that he needs more structure than mom and stepdad can provide. Mom could easily be so worn out with dealing with years of problems that she "can't see the forest for the trees" kind of deal. Its possible.
Maybe she married the man because she loved him, and he doesn't like the way her son turned out. Maybe SHE doesn't like the way her son turned out - but she's his mom, and she has to love him unconditionally. Maybe, she doesn't know the difference between unconditional love, and enabling - that's enough to drive a mighty big wedge between parents - biological, step, or any other kind.
I have a whole lot of examples running through my mind, but I'll keep them to myself. Troubled kids are hard to deal with. Its hard not to blame yourself, when there's nothing you can do, and it's also hard TO blame yourself, when you've tried everything you can think of. Its hard to cry yourself to sleep at night playing the what if game, over every choice you've made in their life, and if things could have been different. You can't force a child to behave, you can't force them to care, you can't force them to grow up and look at the real world - all you can do is hope and pray that with the reins pulled in tight enough - they survive until adulthood, and eventually the light bulb clicks, and they start to get it, and grow up. There is no easy answer.
Apparently you didn't read the part where this jerk won't allow her children to eat at the table with them. They are probably acting out now to get her attention. I would love to know where their father is. I can't think of children who desperately need to be removed from a home. I think the children should go to suitable placement and the mother and her new husband should have to pay for it.
That couldn't have happened with either one of my parents.
My step-mom and I have had our disagreements in the past...but we're okay now.
I know if my step-dad would have had a problem with me when my mom was dating him...he wouldn't be my step-dad now.
I also don't see why those who have such a problem with someone's children would marry that person knowing you don't like their kid.
It's always amazed me that in English (or at least here; not sure how it is in the other English-speaking countries) a couple is called "a married couple" and then when they have children they become "a family." To me the primary relationship in any working marriage is between the husband and the wife regardless of whether all the kids are their own or not. Kids are not supposed to run households; adults are. Kids are supposed to have limits; adults are to set them. Children come into your life, spend some time with you, and then go on their own. The "family" should be the long-lasting relationship between the husband and the wife and the agreement between them. They have to represent an united front; not biological parents siding with their children and giving in to all their unreasonable demands while "accepting" somebody to "join" their already-existing "family" as an unimportant appendix to it.
Oh no, I repped it - but I don't know how to leave a comment or my name. I click on it and that's it, nothing happens.
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