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People who like each other -- but don't necessarily love each other -- can have sex just for the fun of it. It can be a win-win for both parties, which is, of course, why lots of people do it.
Those who see a black-and-white world need to shift your vision. Shades of grey, folks. Shades of grey....
I think it all comes down to a person's ability to enjoy sex without guilt. There are still many people in our society who view sex as by default wrong, unnatural, dirty and borderline criminal; and thus, in their view, people can't have sex unless they "justify" the dark deed with either HUGE love or duty. If you can enjoy sex without guilt, then you can enjoy it with someone you are not in love with (which is not to say you don't care about each other), and you don't have to look down on a sex partner who isn't SO or spouse material.
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Originally Posted by professorsenator
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Originally Posted by artsyguy
Are those people you speak of jungle dwelling animals or primates??
Maybe somebody feels guilt after they have casual sex because they now feel cheap, exposed, and trashy?
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Originally Posted by Redisca
I think it all comes down to a person's ability to enjoy sex without guilt. There are still many people in our society who view sex as by default wrong, unnatural, dirty and borderline criminal; and thus, in their view, you can't have sex unless you "justify" it with either HUGE love or duty. If you can enjoy sex without guilt, then you can enjoy it with someone you are not in love with (which is not to say you don't care about each other), and you don't have to look down on a sex partner who isn't SO or spouse material.
Maybe somebody feels guilt after they have casual sex because they now feel cheap, exposed, and trashy?
There is no need to feel "cheap, exposed and trashy". People can have respect and warm regard for each other, tenderness even, without wanting to spend the rest of their lives shopping at Bed Bath & Beyond together and having 3.2 children. Having sex with someone you don't love doesn't mean you can't have breakfast with them in the morning or that you won't still be their friend in times of trouble or that you now have to vilify them in your mind in order to vindicate your own "virtue". This is stupid, and it causes people a lot of hurt and heartbreak. There is nothing cheapening or wrong about sex. It's not an act that needs to be redeemed by boxes of chocolates or stupid wedding receptions.
Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to be honest with her and tell her you were feeling more. Perhaps she was feeling the same and just didn't want to say anything. At the very least, if you told her, then she would understand why you're not so keen on hanging out with the group when the new man is there.
I would definitely give this a try! I was thinking the same. After all, you'd want to know you did all you could and didn't let her get away without finding out.
Resdisca if you stay a friend to the person then you are one special person because I have NEVER met anybody that does that.
Every guy I have known is have some sex, cut all ties, and then run and avoid like the black plague.
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Originally Posted by Redisca
There is no need to feel "cheap, exposed and trashy". People can have respect and warm regard for each other, tenderness even, without wanting to spend the rest of their lives shopping at Bed Bath and Beyond together and having 3.2 children. Having sex with someone you don't love doesn't mean you can't have breakfast with them in the morning or that you won't still be their friend in times of trouble or that you now have to vilify them in your mind in order to vindicate your own "virtue". This is stupid, and it causes people a lot of hurt and heartbreak. There is nothing cheapening or wrong about sex. It's not an act that needs to be redeemed by boxes of chocolates or stupid wedding receptions.
Did it ever occur to you that she didn't think that you were serious? You were so busy enjoying the no-strings sex that you didn't take the time to consider that maybe she was developing feelings for you. Since showed her no reason to believe that there would ever be anything more than "just sex" she found someone who would give her exactly what she needed: a real relationship.
Consider this a hard lesson learned and the next time you want casual sex, don't prolong it over time. And if you develop feelings for a woman: tell her.
He sounded as if he didn't realize how much he cared until it was over.
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J/K
