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Bang Bang it sounds like you are Miss Right Now and not Miss Right or Miss Forever. He's not making you a priority. He's keeping you as an option. If that is all right with you and if you don't expect or need anything more, then it's not a problem. But it sounds like you do. After a year you would think the r/ship would be progressing... at least to adding you as a friend on Facebook....Hello.....
You are feeling slighted and I think your instincts are right on. You are wanting more. You want to be acknowledged, you want to know he is proud of you, he is investing in you, he wants you. He's not sending you that signal. He's treating you with disregard and disrespect. Not a huge amount, but a little. He's not considering how his actions are affecting you.
It could be just because he is truly not ready for something serious. Some guys never are, some aren't until they get much older. It's a timing thing for everyone. If you had met 5 years down the road, it might have been a different story. But something I have learned in relationships is that timing is CRUCIAL.
Thank you, and I absolutely agree with everything you just said. He's a good guy and I sincerely believe that he doesn't have malicious intent where I'm concerned and doesn't want to hurt me. But regardless, I am still hurt. I feel like it's my fault because I didn't have a clear idea of what I wanted at the beginning of the relationship, and he's been showing me the whole time that our relationship isn't a top priority for him. I'm a lot more clear on what I want out of a relationship now and I know that "casual exclusivity" isn't for me. But I can't expect him to act differently all of a sudden, if I've already given him the idea that I'm not that bothered about not being a priority. I guess the only thing I can do now is chalk it up to a learning experience and move on.
I'm sorry you are hurt. Of course you are, your feelings are hurt because he's not treating you like you want to be treated.
It sounds like at one point the r/ship did work for you, you were on the same page. But people change. It sounds like you are getting to a point where you want something more serious, and he is not yet at that point. This is why you are so frustrated and dissapointed. The r/ship is no longer meeting your needs. This doesn't mean you failed, or the r/ship failed, it just means that people and circumstances changed.
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Originally Posted by BangBangShrimp
Thank you, and I absolutely agree with everything you just said. He's a good guy and I sincerely believe that he doesn't have malicious intent where I'm concerned and doesn't want to hurt me. But regardless, I am still hurt. I feel like it's my fault because I didn't have a clear idea of what I wanted at the beginning of the relationship, and he's been showing me the whole time that our relationship isn't a top priority for him. I'm a lot more clear on what I want out of a relationship now and I know that "casual exclusivity" isn't for me. But I can't expect him to act differently all of a sudden, if I've already given him the idea that I'm not that bothered about not being a priority. I guess the only thing I can do now is chalk it up to a learning experience and move on.
He has a private profile, however, so I can't see who his friends are or how often he uses the site.(
After reading this thread, I still think this is the main problem. He is doing something that you can't see and it bothers you. Either you trust him or you don't. If he adds you, then what? Are you going to look to see who all of his friends are and how often he uses the site? Will knowing that information make you feel better about your relationship?
I'm not trying to be a smart ass (even though it comes so naturally to me ) but I don't get all the drama over something like a fb account. Do the friends he hang out with in real life know about you? Does his family know about you?
It seems like the OP has understood that the boyfriend is not making her a priority. He obviously is still looking for something better. I am sorry your feelings were hurt because you have fallen for him, but men are like that. As long as you keep giving them the sex, everything will be fine. But if you don't ask for exclusivety, the man will take that as a sign that since nothing was said about that, he can do whatever he wants. And as long as the meal is free, he will keep dining. But don't start charging him, cus he'll be gone in no time.
I use FB ALOT for hooking up. I'd say it is one of my most powerful tools out there. Not sure what he is afraid of since facebook has so many privacy features to it! You can block pretty much every aspect of your profile everything from messages, comments, friends and so on.
After reading this thread, I still think this is the main problem. He is doing something that you can't see and it bothers you. Either you trust him or you don't. If he adds you, then what? Are you going to look to see who all of his friends are and how often he uses the site? Will knowing that information make you feel better about your relationship?
No, simply seeing the profile wouldn't make me feel better as I've already stated that that's not the problem. I have a private Facebook profile too, so I obviously don't think there's anything wrong with having one.
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I'm not trying to be a smart ass (even though it comes so naturally to me ) but I don't get all the drama over something like a fb account. Do the friends he hang out with in real life know about you? Does his family know about you?
I have met a few of his friends and co-workers, but most of his friends live out of state. His family also lives in another state, he's told me that they wouldn't approve of our relationship, so I'm sure he's never mentioned me to them.
Your relationship isn't anyones business but yours and his. If he's hiding you from family...well I know I'da ended that so called relationship long before now. He's treating you like dirt. Pretty sad.
I have met a few of his friends and co-workers, but most of his friends live out of state. His family also lives in another state, he's told me that they wouldn't approve of our relationship, so I'm sure he's never mentioned me to them.
What wouldn't his family approve of you? Why aren't you more upset about that than being his friend on Facebook?
To your original question, I wouldn't be bothered about it as long as you had a good healthy close relationship in real life. I'd see Facebook as his way of staying in touch with his other friends by the internet. And just like you (should) have your own friends and social life without him, he needs to have his own personal space without you. You've only been dating a year, it's really not that long a period of time.
How old are the two of you?
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I feel like it's my fault because I didn't have a clear idea of what I wanted at the beginning of the relationship, and he's been showing me the whole time that our relationship isn't a top priority for him. I'm a lot more clear on what I want out of a relationship now and I know that "casual exclusivity" isn't for me. But I can't expect him to act differently all of a sudden, if I've already given him the idea that I'm not that bothered about not being a priority. I guess the only thing I can do now is chalk it up to a learning experience and move on. 
) but I don't get all the drama over something like a fb account. Do the friends he hang out with in real life know about you? Does his family know about you?
