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What wouldn't his family approve of you? Why aren't you more upset about that than being his friend on Facebook?
We're not of the same cultural background. There's nothing I can do to change the way his family thinks, so I can't dwell on that. I'm only concerned with the way he treats me.
We're not of the same cultural background. There's nothing I can do to change the way his family thinks, so I can't dwell on that. I'm only concerned with the way he treats me.
If this guy is someone that you might want to one day marry, how his family feels about you and treats you is of utmost importance, especially if you plan to have kids. And he's not going to enjoy being caught in the middle of having to pick and choose his loyalties in different situations like where to spend the holidays etc... And the older everyone gets, the more important family ties are. What are your different cultures?
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We are twentysomethings.
That covers about a nine year span... lol. Well if you are under 25, then it's less important if this guy turns out not to be the guy you marry. If you are over 25, then perhaps you might be more concerned about not wasting anymore time in a relationship with this guy.
How many prior serious relationships have the two of you been in?
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year, and he won't add me as a friend on Facebook. He's told me that he doesn't log on to Facebook very often and pretty much all the people who are on his friends list added him first and he doesn't talk to them. He has a private profile, however, so I can't see who his friends are or how often he uses the site. I have jokingly complained to him about not adding me because I didn't want to make a big deal about it, but it really hurts my feelings because it makes me think that he either doesn't think very much of me or doesn't want to publicly acknowledge our relationship to his friends. I've never sent him a friend request because I don't want to be rejected by MY OWN BOYFRIEND, but he knows that I would gladly accept if he sent one to me. I understand that social networking sites have the potential to cause drama in relationships, so that's why I haven't really pushed the issue, but am I wrong to feel even somewhat slighted by this??
I don't know. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt here. He has to have his own space and friends. Maybe he doesn't want you preying in on everything he does. Thats the problem with social networking...it creates another reason for distrust. If he truly has nothing to hide, ask him to let you see his page, explain that it will make you more at ease, and after that, be done with it. Have your own friends and let him have his. I don't understand the smothering people who want all your passwords, and those that read all of their SO's emails and such. If someone is that distrusting or overbearing, there is a huge issue.
P.S. He probably has other friends (and it's likely thats all they are, FRIENDS) that he doesn't want to explain the who, how, why, bs!!
I have met a few of his friends and co-workers, but most of his friends live out of state. His family also lives in another state, he's told me that they wouldn't approve of our relationship, so I'm sure he's never mentioned me to them.
Well that's why he won't add you; he doesn't want his family to know he's dating someone of a different culture. If I were you I'd cut my losses and keep it moving. If his family doesn't approve of you to the point where he won't even tell them you're dating it means he's just using you as a time filler. I'm not trying to be mean but it is what it is - you can do better.
If this guy is someone that you might want to one day marry, how his family feels about you and treats you is of utmost importance, especially if you plan to have kids.
I agree with you, but since we are nowhere near discussing marriage or having kids together, I didn't think that his parents disapproval was that big of an issue. It's disheartening, yes, but when I met him I didn't just want to be like, "Ok, well I'm not going to date you because of what your parents might think." I didn't want to get ahead of myself by worrying about how things might turn out down the line, but this is definitely something that I would take into account in my next relationship.
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How many prior serious relationships have the two of you been in?
I've never been in a serious relationship- this one has been my longest. I don't know how serious his past relationships were because it's not something we've discussed at length. I do know that he has dated others of different cultural backgrounds that his parents have issues with, but I did not get the impression that the relationships ended for that reason.
I've never been in a serious relationship- this one has been my longest. I don't know how serious his past relationships were because it's not something we've discussed at length. I do know that he has dated others of different cultural backgrounds that his parents have issues with, but I did not get the impression that the relationships ended for that reason.
Well if it was me, I wouldn't care if his family turned purple with rage. However, if he cares, then you're the one that will always come last.
Sounds to me like this relationship is going to end sooner or later, so might as well make it sooner so you can move on and find someone who will love to introduce you to his family, be proud to call you his girlfriend and yes, even put your name on his relationship status. "Mr. Right is in a relationship with BangBangShrimp"
I've never been in a serious relationship- this one has been my longest. I don't know how serious his past relationships were because it's not something we've discussed at length. I do know that he has dated others of different cultural backgrounds that his parents have issues with, but I did not get the impression that the relationships ended for that reason.
You two have been together for a year and there's quite a bit you haven't shared. For me, that would be odd. Although, perhaps I move faster in my relationships compared to the norm. A year was always enough for me to figure out if the relationship had long term potential. Heck, not only was I fully aware of romantic pasts, but close enough to each to be at the heart of medical problems, daily issues, etc. OTOH, you guys might just be dating, which I guess is different than having a full-on relationship.
Maybe I'm just forgetting what it's like to be involved when in the early 20's. That was some time ago for me. It's likely as the years move along for you that you'll find you don't have time for bologna. It passes by so fast.
Maybe you aren't his only GF... maybe he doesn't want his others to find out about you... or maybe, whats more realistic, is that he really doesns't care about it as much as you obviously do. Why do women obsess over silly things I don't know!! But we can't help it, can we ladies?... **heavy sigh**
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