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Old 07-02-2009, 07:52 AM
 
6,441 posts, read 9,263,878 times
Reputation: 10695

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He needs to see a doctor first... rule out anything medical that may be causing his low energy and libido.

You got a lot of good advice here, but have him see a medical doctor first, then go from there. Really, I can't say this enough... HAVE HIM SEE A DOCTOR.
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Old 07-02-2009, 08:47 AM
 
5,270 posts, read 11,623,465 times
Reputation: 5737
As usual, we're only getting one side of the story. I'd love to hear what the denounced hubby has to say...
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Old 07-02-2009, 09:10 AM
 
Location: Coral Springs, Fl
1,086 posts, read 2,828,998 times
Reputation: 604
Have him go to the doc, get his blood tested, make sure they run a scan for low testosterone. At 25 I had the same symptoms (except the minute man issue) and it turns out my low libido, weight gain, tiredness, depression, aching among other things was a result of low testosterone.

I've been on Hormone Replacement Therapy for 7 years, and I can't keep my hands of my gf. Sometimes its 3-4 times a day and we've been together 9 years, my mood is much better, tiredness is gone.
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Old 07-02-2009, 09:14 AM
 
Location: Incognito
7,002 posts, read 17,890,596 times
Reputation: 5419
If I were you I would follow Dr. Ruth's advise: "Pleasure yourself later after you have pleasured your man".
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Old 07-02-2009, 03:31 PM
 
Location: far away in Europe
109 posts, read 254,390 times
Reputation: 79
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serafinez View Post
I can handle all this as long as it really is just stress and low libido. What I want to know is, what are the chances that this man is having an affair or doesn't find me attractive at all anymore?
I don't think it's wise that you make this difference.

Might be that you're looking to find excuses to go on and, as long as thingS ARE BAD on some grounds (destroyed libido) and not others (affair) you can bring yourself to carry on. In reality, though, things ARE BAD. Sometimes it's as simple as that.

Ask yourself this question - can you?
If you can, hope for nothing more and continue.

...
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Old 07-02-2009, 07:23 PM
 
1,567 posts, read 2,637,780 times
Reputation: 1262
seriously why would you marry this guy if his sex drive did not remotely match yours?

i could understand if he changed over night - but you knew this going in

honestly one thing that would petrify me if i ever got married would be that everyone says once you get married sex drops off like crazy
the idea of getting married, and sex or something else very important dropping off and basiclaly not being able to get out of it without being fleeced financially is petrifying
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Old 07-02-2009, 07:28 PM
 
1,091 posts, read 3,192,608 times
Reputation: 1039
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serafinez View Post
I am really in need of advice. I am 23, hubby is 25. He was my first. Sex was always rather awkward between us, meaning that, we had sex for the first time almost 1 year after we had met. Starting from then on, it consisted of a bunch of quickies all over the place (quickie meaning rarely over 4-5 minutes unless it was a 2x thing). I can't remember how often it was, prolly somewhere around once every week (which I thought was because we were kids and didn't exactly have a place to do it more often or longer).

After around 4 years it started heading more around the once every month area. And as a stupid kid....I complained about it. That only made things worse obviously. One month became 3...then a year of pause....where we basically lost our intimacy, started talking only about house chores. Period when I missed my loved one immensely bad. And apparently he missed me too. He was pushing towards us being ok, and going out and talking...But every one month or so I was so frustrated about the lack of sex and had to complain .

Anyway, after the one year break....I decided to give all frustrations and anger up, and just be nice, supportive and loving....sexy and good looking too. My man woke up from his sleep, we started having sex again...about 4 times in a month...every time we did...and he actually moved on to intercourse, he finished in about 2-3 minutes. After which he apologized for his performance...I love him, and to be with him, I even told him that 1 second with him is better than years with the best screw in the world, because I love him and am atracted to him.

Still, sex is getting less often again. He's also very tired from work (his back/neck always hurts, he's immensely stressed out, even the smallest thing anoys him, always bored of everything). I know he watches porn, and I know that's how he keeps up not having sex. At another discusion he said 'please don't worry it's not your fault, I still find you very hot, but I just don't have enough energy for sex, if it were up to me I'd stay without sex for the rest of my life'. He was exagerating obviously.

Now, my question is, I really love this guy....I do want him by my side for the rest of my life, with the once every 1-2 months sex and all. But I'm not sure if he's telling me the truth. I know some of the best men out there have been known to lie about affairs (though I can't possibly imagine when he could do that, with him clearly being at work 8 hrs a day and spending all the rest of the time with me). I also know about depression. I'm sorry for having written such a long post, I really am in need of advice on how I can make this even remotely better. He gets angry when he talks about sex, he sais he's never enjoyed talking about sex and in the whole 7 years of our marriage he's never asked for anything in particular when it comes to it.

Could it be he's embarrassed about being such a minute-man and therefore avoids sex because of his self-consciousness? Could be trapped in a sort of self-perpetuating cycle.
The hostility might be just a defensive mechanism to hide his shame; a guy who ***s in 2 minutes does not "dislike sex". A guy who disliked sex wouldn't *** at all, or would take forever, or probably wouldn't even be able to maintain an erection.

You might suggest to him that if he started having sex more than once a year or whatever, he'd last longer.


*edit: Wow, thanks, auto-censor! What would we do without you?
The censored word is a synonym for "ejaculate".
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Old 07-02-2009, 07:41 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,519 posts, read 35,097,667 times
Reputation: 13088
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Cat View Post
If I were you I would follow Dr. Ruth's advise: "Pleasure yourself later after you have pleasured your man".
Dr. Ruth!!! Is she still alive, even???
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Old 07-02-2009, 07:42 PM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,506 posts, read 17,025,672 times
Reputation: 9315
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Cat View Post
If I were you I would follow Dr. Ruth's advise: "Pleasure yourself later after you have pleasured your man".
Now that would get old real fast.
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Old 07-02-2009, 07:52 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,519 posts, read 35,097,667 times
Reputation: 13088
Yeah, um .... he can pleasure his own damn self!!!
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