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Here is some more detail of the situation. We are not friends on facebook because we used to be friends on myspace and it always caused fights because he was SO flirty with his female friends and I would get upset. We were living together and constantly fighting because what I thought was inappropriate he insisted was just "innocent flirting between friends". His behavior has not changed, however we are no longer friends on any social network sites because of all the conflict it caused. The other day I went to look at his Facebook profile (he has most of it hidden but I can see some photos). He had posted a photograph of himself with another woman in a bikini, his arm was around her stomach touching her stomach and pulling her close. This was from a pool party with friends (i was not there). He told me the woman is a friend of his and engaged to another man but their embrace made it look like they are a couple. He has no photos of me on his facebook. Of course I got upset as I usually do. He told me he took the photo down which he finally did after I asked him 5 times. but I just wonder what else is going on that I cannot see. I know he is flirty with women because I can see some of it and have seen it in the past. It is causing all kinds of suspicion for me and makes me wonder how can I love this man? He says i am immature and insecure and should focus on reality and not be worried about facebook..am I overrreacting?
I don't think you're overreacting at all. To you and the OP, I would not be in any relationship where my S/O/'s status was not "in a relationship" (unless it was in the beginning), and if my S/O would not allow me to be his friend ... that would be a dealbreaker.I read a few comments where people said, "Get over it - Facebook is not a big deal" or "Grow up, it's just Facebook" - but people of all ages use Facebook, which, like it or not, is now part of the fabric of modern culture.This is a big enough deal to be symptomatic of larger issues in the relationship, and should definitely be addressed!
I have been married 19 years (together 20) and we are not facebook friends. He has his friends and I have mine. I trust him and he trusts me. I have zero interest in what he is doing on facebook. I do know his password but have never been interested enough to check up on him. Same with him. We do share a couple of friends and including his mother and her friend but that is as close as it gets. I know he is friends with women and talks to them but it doesn't bug me since he is totally trustworthy. Would I care if he was flirting with other women on fb? Not really. He is married to me and I know what he is up to most of the time.
Here is some more detail of the situation. We are not friends on facebook because we used to be friends on myspace and it always caused fights because he was SO flirty with his female friends and I would get upset. We were living together and constantly fighting because what I thought was inappropriate he insisted was just "innocent flirting between friends". His behavior has not changed, however we are no longer friends on any social network sites because of all the conflict it caused. The other day I went to look at his Facebook profile (he has most of it hidden but I can see some photos). He had posted a photograph of himself with another woman in a bikini, his arm was around her stomach touching her stomach and pulling her close. This was from a pool party with friends (i was not there). He told me the woman is a friend of his and engaged to another man but their embrace made it look like they are a couple. He has no photos of me on his facebook. Of course I got upset as I usually do. He told me he took the photo down which he finally did after I asked him 5 times. but I just wonder what else is going on that I cannot see. I know he is flirty with women because I can see some of it and have seen it in the past. It is causing all kinds of suspicion for me and makes me wonder how can I love this man? He says i am immature and insecure and should focus on reality and not be worried about facebook..am I overrreacting?
No. I don't trust him. I guess that is what the real problem is. I would feel more trusting of him if he put his relationship status as "in a relationship" or if he even had one photo of me (us) together posted or if he didn't spend so much time on facebook or if he didn't have so many flirty comments from beautiful women or if he wasn't friends with all his ex-girfriends. I really don't know what to do because I feel like I should not have to talk to him about this, he should be doing this on his own. He is a very smart person and he knows it upsets me. I really do appreciate your feedback. Thank you for helping me sort through this. Although there are no easy answers at least I am coming to terms with the fact that I do not trust him.
No. I don't trust him. I guess that is what the real problem is. I would feel more trusting of him if he put his relationship status as "in a relationship" or if he even had one photo of me (us) together posted or if he didn't spend so much time on facebook or if he didn't have so many flirty comments from beautiful women or if he wasn't friends with all his ex-girfriends. I really don't know what to do because I feel like I should not have to talk to him about this, he should be doing this on his own. He is a very smart person and he knows it upsets me. I really do appreciate your feedback. Thank you for helping me sort through this. Although there are no easy answers at least I am coming to terms with the fact that I do not trust him.
if you don't trust him, I think you know what you have to do, and yes that is the real problem.
You should be able to talk through it and let him know that blocking you out of his online world is really upsetting you, and creating / enforcing trust issues.
At the same time maybe you need to accept that this is who he is. Whether you like the flirting or not, he hasn't stopped it or changed so you either accept it or ...don't
I don't think you're overreacting at all. To you and the OP, I would not be in any relationship where my S/O/'s status was not "in a relationship" (unless it was in the beginning), and if my S/O would not allow me to be his friend ... that would be a dealbreaker.I read a few comments where people said, "Get over it - Facebook is not a big deal" or "Grow up, it's just Facebook" - but people of all ages use Facebook, which, like it or not, is now part of the fabric of modern culture.This is a big enough deal to be symptomatic of larger issues in the relationship, and should definitely be addressed!
I agree and couldn't have said it better than the poster quoted above.
In my relationship status I have "married to: Michelle Smith...it keeps everyone guessing ...I would leave it like that just 4 the heck of it...keeps 'em guessing...
I didn't read the whole thread but in my experience everyone who's dating people & not married seems to get wacked over the "relationship status" feature. I wouldn't get all excited over any sort of pictures w/the opposite sex because I have tons of them w/other people. It all boils down to where you're at in your relationship regarding trust.
No. I don't trust him. I guess that is what the real problem is. I would feel more trusting of him if he put his relationship status as "in a relationship" or if he even had one photo of me (us) together posted or if he didn't spend so much time on facebook or if he didn't have so many flirty comments from beautiful women or if he wasn't friends with all his ex-girfriends. I really don't know what to do because I feel like I should not have to talk to him about this, he should be doing this on his own. He is a very smart person and he knows it upsets me. I really do appreciate your feedback. Thank you for helping me sort through this. Although there are no easy answers at least I am coming to terms with the fact that I do not trust him.
Dump him. He has your number and is having his cake as well. I can't believe he is "living" with you but won't post one picture of you. I think it's important to trust your partner but his behavior is one big red flag. Going to parties where you are not invited, posting pics of himself and numerous women and you are not even represented? I'm sorry to say this but you sound like you are friend with benefits and he might be stringing you along with the promise of marriage.
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